


How Am I Suppose To Die

by the_real_Karaage



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 8th year fic, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Depression, Dissociation, Draco Malfoy in the Muggle World, Draco Malfoy is Clueless About Muggle Things, Drinking, Drinking to Cope, F/F, F/M, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mentions of Oliver Wood/Charlie Weasley, Mentions of past wolfstar, Not Epilogue Compliant, Not Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Compliant, Oral Fixation, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Secret Relationship, Self-Destruction, Self-Hatred, Slow Build, Smoking, Survivor Guilt, draco helped harry in the battle of hogwarts, fem slash, female romantic relationship, slow build for all relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2018-09-26 12:01:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 56,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9895616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_real_Karaage/pseuds/the_real_Karaage
Summary: After the Battle of Hogwarts, things for Harry Potter should have gotten better. Some how they have gotten worse. The nightmares haven't changed, just more vivid with more faces. He couldn't stand social interaction and touching. He just couldn't stand his thoughts or the crushing guilt that was all but drowning him. He has a house he doesn't want, no job or career and is completely at lost to what to do with his life.Draco Malfoy is currently in hell. That is all he can think of. Muggle Hell. His life is currently falling apart and not just because his entire family has been sentenced to live like Muggles. He didn't know what he had been thinking when he had thrown Harry his wand. He had been stupid. All he could hear was Pansy screaming at him, his mother's terrified look and his father's disgusted one. He couldn't sleep at night and the guilt of such a stupid decision ate at him. He had thrown away his future, his friends, his education, all for what? On a gamble that stupid saint potter would be the end of it all, finally?They both were completely surprised when they recieved a letter from Hogwarts at the end of summer inviting them to redo their final year and graduate.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This idea actually came from binge watching a ton of harry potter cosplay vids. I really love NyxRising Industries, Their cosplay vids are just amazing. Especially the series "The Real Malfoys". I died laughing and I loved the idea so much this story practically wrote itself.
> 
> This isn't the first harry potter fanfic I've written. I actually written quite a few. The first one I wrote was back in 2006, but this is the first one for this account. I really hope you guys like it! Also I will be updating my other stories! I promise! There is a lull in school work right now. It's after midterms and spring break is in 2 weeks I think so there really isn't much to do. I'm going to an adventure lodge for my spring break so there will be some writing done.

  
  
“Harry?” He heard Ron ask, shuffling into the room. Harry pretended to still be asleep, his head slightly bent into the pillow so it was easy to do.  When Ron didn’t receive a reply, he sighed and walked over to where Harry’s cot was. Harry felt the bed dip a bit as the other sat down next to his side.

“Mate, I know you are awake… I heard you early this morning…” He said softly.

Harry frowned, shifting a bit as he opened his eyes but didn’t turn to look at the redhead. “Is it because of what happened at dinner last night? Mum… she was just trying to help…” Ron trailed off.  
  
Harry’s jaw tightened unconsciously at the memory. He didn’t want to talk about this.  It had been  almost three weeks since the…. Battle of Hogwarts… He had chosen to stay at the Burrow, which he regretted whole heartedly. He felt he was suffocating… There were too many people, the house was too big… It was too loud and people were always in his face and… touching…  
  
The last straw had been dinner. It had been going great, he had been in the process of hiding his food and making it look like he had been eating, even fake chewing when Molly came over and hugged him tightly. He flinched, going rigid. She seemed not to notice as she pulled back and plunked a large book on the table, gaining everyone’s attention. All eyes turned on Harry as Molly smiled at him. He looked down at the title of the book and felt his blood run cold. _I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Death of a Loved One._

He felt his mouth drop in shock, starring at it with wide eyes. Ron looked a little uneasy as he stared at Harry, his smile wavering. Harry couldn’t stand all of their eyes on him, that book staring him in the face, the closeness of Molly hoovering… just hoovering... and when she patted his hand he just lost it. He shoved the book off the table with trembling hands. His eyes watering behind his glasses as he scrambled as fast as he could out his seat and ran up the stairs amidst calls of his name.  
  
Harry sighed and looked at Ron finally. “I need to get out of here… No offense Ron but your Mum has really lost the plot… I know she means well but bloody hell…” He whispered, running his hand over his face before reaching for his glasses. He sat up, pulling them on and sighed.  
  
“Sorry… She’s been in shambles ever since... you know… “ He said with his own sigh. “Hermione reckons she’s become over protective as a coping mechanism.”  
  
Harry snorted. “Well her coping mechanism is driving me around the bin.” He muttered, stretching before getting off the cot. He stopped and sighed again. “I’m moving into Grimmauld Place..”  
  
“What? Are you mental? Mum is going to have kittens!” Ron said as Harry shook his head. “I don’t care. I NEED to get out of here… it’s nothing personal… I just can’t- with all _this_.” He waved his hand motioning to the room that was crowded with beds and cots.  
  
“Harry… it’s fine…” He said with a sort of half smile. “Actually Hermione said you might do it.” He chuckled. Harry gave him a weak smile. “Really now?”  
  
“Yeah, you know her, bloody know it all.” He looked away embarrassed. “How is that getting along?” He asked, kneeling down in front of his trunk and digging around in it.  
  
Ron’s ears turned as red as his hair. “It’s getting…” He said quietly.  
  
 “About time.” Harry laughed, “I was wondering if it was just the adrenaline.” He pulled on a clean shirt and joined Ron on the cot. “Nah, we’ve been taking it slow.” Ron confirmed.  
  
“What about you and Ginny?” Ron asked hesitantly.  
  
“We talked the night I moved in. She understood that I really didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. We are on good terms and it didn’t feel like we actually had anything since I haven’t seen her in almost a year. I think she is seeing someone to be perfectly honest.” He told him.  
  
“Oh… that’s good.” Ron smiled and bumped his shoulder lightly with his own. “Don’t worry about me, Mate. I’ll always be alright.” He told him.  
  
“So Grimmauld Place?” Ron asked after a moment. Harry nodded, giving a halfhearted little chuckle.  
  
“Well… there isn’t anything else to do or go. I mean, I’m basically a high school drop out.”  
  
Ron scrunched his face up in confusion. “What?”  
  
Harry chuckled. “Nevermind, I mean I have enough money I suppose and I have a house, so I guess I just need to make the most of it.” He gave a small nod as a sharp knock sounded at the door. He looked up to see George and Ginny hurry in.  
  
Ginny bit her lip, looking down at her feet before looking back up as George sighed. “Hurry up and go, we will handle Mum.” He told Harry.  
  
“How-“ Harry started to ask but was cut off. “You have the same look you did before you left last year.  And after last night, you really do need to get out.” He paused a bit. “I know I do… I’m spending the summer with Charlie…” He said with a slight smile. “Ron and Ginny here are going to look after the shop for me. You can too if you want.”  
  
“Are you offering me a job?” Harry asked, shocked. “Yeah, mate. Without you there would be no shop.” George laughed. “Now, get going, Ron help him. We can only do so much to distract her before she blows.” He smirked, popping out of the doorway. Ginny smiled at Harry. “Best of Luck.” She told him before disappearing down the stairs.  
  
Harry laughed before scrambling up and over to his trunk. Most of his things were still packed but some had spilled out and had been made its way all over the room. Ron helped him as best he could, throwing articles of clothing and shoes at him. A few moments later there was a loud crash and a shrill scream from Ginny. Harry chuckled and made a mental note to send her a nice box of chocolates later.  
  
Once he was packed he and Ron slowly brought his trunk down the stairs. He peeked around the corner to see that all the commotion was taking place in a far corner of the sitting room. Molly had her back to them as George yelled over Ginny’s loud sobbing, covered in something green and nasty as the rest of the family circled around them. George got louder when he caught sight of Harry and Ginny shoved him, smearing the green slime on his face. This resulted in a terribly fake but convincible enough fist fight that completely distracted Molly from everything else.  
  
Amidst yells from Molly, “George! Don’t hit your sister!”, and George, “MUM! DID YOU SEE WHAT SHE DID?!”, and Ginny’s sobbing, Harry snuck over to the kitchen fireplace. He grabbed a handful of Floo powder and stepped into the fireplace. Ron smiled, giving him a small wave. “See you soon, maybe..” He told him. “Take care yourself, Mate…”  
  
Harry nodded. “You too…” He held up his hand and in a clear voice said, “12 Grimmauld Place.” He disappeared in a puff of flames.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said in the tags, this is gonna be a slow build, hope you guys stay with me. XD

It took not even two full days in the house for him to crack. Arriving at 12 Grimmauld Place had been like resurfacing from under water. A breath of very much needed fresh air after such a long time of suffocation. He had immediately fell in love with the silence and isolation that the place offered. He had moved into Sirius’s old room, crashing onto the bed and sleeping for the rest of the day. When he woke up the silence was unnerving. Looking around the pure darkness pouring into the room, he assumed it must be pretty late. 

He got up slowly and moved to the kitchen, groping his way down the stairs. After making a cup of tea, he sat there staring around the kitchen. When he couldn’t stand doing that anymore he went from room to room inspecting the contents. Everything was just as they left it the last time they had been here. A thick layer of dust had accumulated on the furniture and fixtures during the months of neglect. He busied himself for the next long string of hours cleaning and organizing each room.

Compartmentalizing each room and setting goals for himself alleviated most of his stress and anxiety. He worked himself to the bone almost, his hands cut and bruising and his knees aching. By the time he was finished the sun was almost set. He tiptoed down the hall, wary of doing anything to wake the portrait of Walburga. He was almost at the end when he caught his toe on a loose floorboard and swore lately.  
  
The abrupt screaming cutting through the unnerving silence that he had gotten used to caused him to break. He screamed along with the portrait he slammed his fist into the corner denting the frame. He needed to get out. He knew one place that he wanted to go, been needing to go. Andromeda had sent an owl asking after him, and maybe he could ask her how to remove this blasted thing once and for all.  
  
He stalked off upstairs and took a long shower, but the water didn’t help his anger. It built up until it spilled over and he lashed out, striking at the crumbling tiles in front of him. He didn’t know how long it was, only pulling back when his knuckles were bleeding. He took a deep breath before finishing up.  
  
_‘I should just level this godforsaken place_ …’ He thought as he stood in front of the fireplace, grabbing a handful of floo powder. He chuckled a bit at that. ‘ _Sirius would have been happy about that._ ’  And with that thought and the mental image of his godfather laughing, he stepped into the fireplace and disappeared. 

* * *

 

He arrived to the sound of crying as he moved out of the fireplace. He looked around seeing toys, clothing, odds and ends all strolled across the small cottage.  
  
“Teddy, please! I am coming back!” Andromeda sang from somewhere else in the house as the small infant cried from his bassinette swing. Harry smiled and walked over to the baby, setting his bag down. He leaned down cooing at him, making the baby giggle and the bit of hair he had changed to bright blue. He picked him up, blanket and all, and held him close to his chest. He hummed, rocking the baby back and forth getting him to stop his fussing.  
  
Andromeda hurried around the corner, concerned but stopped in her tracks at the scene before her. She let out a relieved breath and smiled gently as Harry softly sung to the baby. Harry looked up and gave her a small smile. It always shocked him to see Andromeda, as she always looked so much like Bellatrix it was unnerving. Her dark brown hair was falling out of a hastily done up bun, her faded and bleached out tshirt hanging off one shoulder and covering up most of her leggings. She looked tired and wore out, dark circles underneath her eyes. 

“Harry.. It’s good to see you.”  She said, her words soft and her movements slow. He silently thanked her for that in his head as Teddy turned, and smiled at her. “You little bugger, now that Uncle Harry is here you are going to be behaved?” She cooed at him with a pout before laughing.  
  
“Because he knows better.” Harry said, kissing Teddy’s forehead as the baby cuddled closer to his chest. Andromeda walked over to the stove and sat to work putting a kettle on. “How have you been?” She asked him lightly.  
  
“Been worse, can’t really complain.” He joked, shifting Teddy a bit before walking over to her. “You?”  
  
“Pretty much the same.” She said, turning around and leaning against the counter to face him. “I’ve been worried about you, to be honest. It’s hard to deal.. when you lose everything but we must go on.” She said, her eyes pointedly going to Harry’s hands. He pulled the sleeves of his flannel down with his thumbs. Her eyes moved back up to his face. “We must go on for him.” She motioned to Teddy. “If nothing else.”  
  
He looked down at Teddy and hugged him tightly. “Thank you..” He told her, giving her a small smile.  
  
She snorted. “I should be thanking you. “ She shook her head. “Biscuits?” She asked, pushing off of the counter and walking over to the pantry.  
  
“For what?” He asked confused, as Teddy wiggled a bit getting irritated.  
  
“For what you did at the trial.” She said. “Chocolate or Ginger?”  
  
“Um, chocolate please.” He said, moving back and placing Teddy in his swing again. He turned on the switch and the swing started to move back and forth. “I didn’t do anything really, I just told the truth.”  
  
She looked at him pointedly over her shoulder, taking down the chocolate biscuits. She moved to the cupboard and took down two mugs. “You didn’t have to. You could have just washed your hands of all this madness.” She told him. “Milk or Honey?”  
  
“I owed them both.” He shrugged. “Honey, please.” She nodded, fixing both their teas. “I just… couldn’t believe that Cissy would do that? Draco, yes, that boy doesn’t have a cruel bone in his body. I was wondering when he was going to break. Reminded me of Regulus, honestly.” She paused. “But Cissy… She-“ She stopped, plating the biscuits before bringing it and their teas over to the small battered table.  Harry joined her as Teddy settled down, nodding off to sleep.  
  
“Thank you.” He nodded, sipping the tea. “She just wanted Draco to be safe. I don’t think she ever wanted any of that. She was never really cruel to me, unlike Lucius.” He bit into a biscuit, his shoulders hunching in on themselves. Andromeda smiled at him as she sipped her own tea. “Lucius needed to be in Azkaban..” She sighed.  
  
“He’s not?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

 “No. I mean I know that you didn’t stay for the sentencing, but you haven’t read the papers have you?” She asked.  
  
“No.” He shook his head. “I haven’t really done anything. I mean, I cleaned up my house but that’s about it.” He said before remembering the stupid portrait. “By the way, I was wanting to ask you about something. How do you get a portrait down that is put up with an everlasting sticking charm?”  
  
She shook her head. “Not really anything you can do about it, unless you remove the wall.” She joked.  
  
“Sorry about that, but go on about what you were saying earlier.” He told her.  
  
“Narcissa and her family were sentence to live as a Muggle family. No magic. Their manor at Wiltshire has been confiscated to eradicate illegal objects and the like from it. They have been living in a muggle neighborhood, Camden, I think.”  
  
Harry choked on his tea in shock. “What?!” He spat out when he could get air after coughing. “Malfoy without magic?!” He laughed. A real laugh.  
  
“Yes, it’s actually very bloody funny. Cissy owled me last week and begged me to teach her how to make “muggle fire.”” She said, using air quotes and making Harry laugh even harder. “Muggle fire??” He wheezed in between laughs shaking his head. “Okay, this is enough for me. I am fine with this. I wished I could have seen his face when they told him.” Harry said after he had calmed down a bit then went on to finish his tea. He felt better than he had felt in a long while.   
  
“Yeah.” She said, looking down at her tea. “There is something else that I wanted to talk to you about.” Her voice and face turned serious.

“What is it?” He asked, worried.  
  
“I was wondering if you could help me by cleaning up the guest apartment. I’ve tried to do it but I really can’t with work and Teddy. Plus, I think those things would mean more to you than me.” She looked up at him, holding his gaze.   
  
“What do you mean?” He asked, not sure he was following what she was saying.  
  
“I’m sure Remus has a lot of things that belong to your parents and photographs and such.” She shrugged. “I really haven’t moved or looked at anything so I don’t know what is there.”  
  
He sat there, shocked. He hadn’t even thought about that. Of course Remus and Tonks would have left things. But Remus would had surely given him something that was or about his parents if he had had it. Andromeda smiled at him. “You don’t have to if you aren’t up to it or don’t want to. I just thought I would offer.”  
  
“I… want to do it. I can come back another day and get started. I just need to go to the store.” He smiled. “I am in need of a sledgehammer.”  
  
She giggled. “Sirius would have loved to see this. Give it a few whacks for the old wanker.” She told him.  
  
“Of course. Thank you again, Ms. Tonks.”  
  
She shook her head. “Andromeda, you know this Harry.” She said sternly, giving him a scowl.  
  
He laughed. “Andromeda.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also this is really making me feel old, trying to remember how fashion and pop culture were back in '98. I was like a preteen then.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, after this chapter, I think we will check in on Draco. Lovely Draco. Then probably time skip about a month or two after that. Harry's drinking will get worse. Also there will be more (heavier and detailed) mentions of wolfstar. But Oblivious Harry is Oblivious. Also, I am not British and only have a limited British vocabulary, so if there is something I got wrong please tell me. Also thank you so much for the Kudos! I love them so much!

The sledgehammer was a good idea.  
  
After promising Andromeda that he would come by again, Harry had gone to the DIY Centre and picked a few things up, before heading back to his home. He made something to eat before mapping out what he wanted to do with everything.  
  
He knew he wanted to get rid of the wall the portrait was on and the wall the tapestry was glued to. He walked from room to room with a muggle journal and pencil, writing down notes, measurements and drawings. After a while he went back downstairs, thinking of how ridiculous he must have looked. Savior of the Wizarding world, deconstructing his house like a simple muggle. True, he could have this all done with just a few flicks of his wand. This way though, seemed more poetic. The Most Noble and Ancient House of Black being torn down the muggle way. Seem more cathartic.  
  
He walked downstairs and stopped at the portrait. He sighed, bending down to pick up the sledgehammer. “This is for Sirius you old hag.” He said and before she could start to scream, he took one big swing and hit the portrait straight in the middle. It cracked like a whip and folded into itself crumbling away along with the wall.  
  
Holy fuck that felt good. He gave a scream and started to swing the sledgehammer over and over with abandon. He knew he was screaming things as he reduced the wall to rumble, but he just couldn’t make out what. Sometime during this he had started to sob, switching direction and knocking off the elf statues from the wall. As he went he tripped over the same loose floorboard he had the other night. He collapsed to the ground, a frustrated sobbing mess. He turned his attention to the floorboard. He never remembered that being there. Surely if it had, Tonks would have tripped over it along with many other people. He pulled his glasses off, wiping his eyes and glasses before moving over to it. The board look like it had been wretched up and tried to be replaced in a hurry.  
  
He knelt down, wrestling with the board before popping it loose. He set it aside before pulling out a battered old tin box. It looked like an old school muggle lunch box. He stared at the object in his hands confused. What would an old muggle lunchbox be doing in this house? He opened the set of latches, lifting the lid. In faded marker, S. Black was written on the inside of the lid in Sirius’s handwriting.  
  
He settled back, sitting down on the floor crossed legged and placed the box carefully in his lap. He sifted through the contents curiously. It was mostly trinkets, yellowing letters on muggle paper and a few photos. He pulled the photos out, sitting the box and the rest of its contents aside. There were a bunch of Remus… maybe when he was in Hogwarts. He looked really young. His scars weren’t really scars but more of fresh abrasions. One photograph was a moving photograph where Remus was laughing and it made his heart clenched.  
  
The next one was with all four marauders. Sirius on the far right, school shirt and tie underneath a leather biker jacket. His hair was almost pass his shoulders, one part pushed back behind a pierced ear. He had on fingerless riding gloves and an arm was thrown over Remus, pulling him so close that the top of his head rested under Sirius’s chin. Remus was in his proper uniform, smiling as he wrapped an arm around Sirius’s waist. James was next with an arm around Remus’s shoulders, his school shirt underneath an opened black waistcoat and his tie undone. He had the nerdiest looking black rimmed glasses and was pulling Peter into the photo. His arm draping over the blond as the other smiled. Harry didn’t pay much attention to him. He couldn’t deal with the feeling that went with Wormtail on top of everything else.  
  
The next photo was one that look like James and Peter were helping Sirius serenade a bandaged and blushing Remus in the Hogwarts courtyard.  He raised an eyebrow but just shrugged it off. He smiled at the photo of his parents in Christmas sweaters and his dad with an antlers headband atop his head. He never knew his dad was such a nerd. Antlers? Really Dad? His mother seems to echo that thought as she rolled her eyes in the photo but still smiled.  
  
There was another photo that caught his eye. The group were in the corner of the Gryffindor common room. Remus was in curled up against the arm of the sofa, with Sirius’s head in his lap. One hand held a book up reading it as his other hand ran through Sirius’s hair, the dark headed man smiling up at him. Peter was on the floor in front of them, laughing as he drunk what looked like butterbeer. James was next to Remus on the next sofa, Lily leaning around him to make kissy faces at Sirius.  
  
Harry smiled, feeling a new set of tears fall down his face. Why didn’t Sirius show him these? Why didn’t he tell him about his parents? Why didn’t Remus? Did he know they were here? Questions bubbled up in his head, questions that he would never get an answer to because they were all dead. DEAD! Everyone was DEAD!!  
  
He shoved the photos back into the box, taking a few deep breaths. He went to close the lid but something shiny caught his eye. He reached in and pulled out a necklace. On the chain hung a simple black band with what looked like a rune engraved into it. He couldn’t remember which one it represented though. Was this Sirius’s? He never mentioned being married or being with anyone. Nor had anyone else. All he had heard was that him and his father were joined at the hip and that Remus was always around. There was never any mention of any girlfriend except for his mother. Not even for Remus. Though, he had been kind of oblivious to Remus and Tonks’ relationship so it was possible that he overlooked something.  
  
 He placed it back into the box, not even looking at the letters and the other things in the rest of the box as he closed it up. He didn’t have time to deal with this right now. He dusted himself off before taking the box up to his room. He buried it in the bottom of his trunk before setting back to work.  
  
The next part of the house to get his wrath was the tapestry in the parlour. It came to an end like the portrait and opened up the parlour to one of the many bedrooms. He kind of liked that look. He dismantled the rest of the wall, vanishing the debris with his wand. He moved back downstairs to the foyer, finishing the rest of the wall as well and vanishing the debris.  
  
He passed out in the early morning hours, numb but satisfied with what little progress he had made.

* * *

  
  
It was another two days before Harry was able to get back to Andromeda’s. He had been working himself to death fixing the house up. He had become a regular at the DIY Centre, the cashier knowing him by name now and always seem delighted to help him. It was always strange that he dropped everything to help him with his questions every time he came in, no matter how many customers were there in the shop.  
  
He had gotten an owl from George yesterday. Apparently Molly _did_ have kittens when she found out that Harry was gone. It took Arthur, Bill and George a few hours of arguing that Harry was of age and bloody hell the boy deserved some peace. George went as far as to say that he wouldn’t be surprised if Harry disappeared into the muggle world and never came back after all the bloody crap that had happened.    
  
The idea had been appealing and Harry was all for giving it a go. He had kind of missed being a nobody and a vacation from the Wizarding World sounded brilliant right now. That statement alone though seemed to have really shut Molly up and she relented, not even making a fuss about George leaving for Romania that same day.  
  
The rest of George’s letter was a lot more interesting. According to George, Charlie was kind of dating but not dating Oliver Wood of all people. Harry had always wondered what had happened to his old Quidditch captain. Though Harry was confused on how someone could date but not date someone,  George went into an explanation of that. They did date things like dinner, movies, coffee and gifts; however, they didn’t do date things like kissing, shagging, etc. It confused both George and Harry greatly. The last two pages were just about how amazing Romania was and how Harry should visit, now that he was done saving the world and what not.  
  
He had never been out of the U.K. in his entire life, so he kept that in mind. He arrived to find Andromeda in the garage, covered in dirt and grease as she wheeled out Sirius’s old bike. Harry and Hadgrid had crashed landed it in her garden what felt like years ago. Teddy was in a play pen, exploring a soft toy with his mouth as a kid’s show played on an old Telly that was hooked up in the workspace of the garage.  
  
“Oh Harry! Perfect!” She smiled at him, dusting herself off. She had on a pair of blue jeans with a flannel shirt on over a grey tank top. He smiled at her, shrugging off his jacket before walking over. “What are you going to do with it?” He asked her, pointing to the motorbike. “I was going to see if you wanted it.” She told him, looking it over. “I’m sure you can fix it up, give you something to do, other than destroying my aunt’s house for the greater good.” She winked at him.  
  
He gave her a chuckle, helping move the motorbike out into the garden so that they could clean the rest of the garage.

* * *

  
  
He didn’t return home until really late that night. He had stopped by a shop and picked up some food, realizing he really hadn’t eaten anything in the last few days. He was walking home when he came across a real shady looking shop that was selling large quantities of muggle liquors and beers. He had never really tried anything before so he stepped inside. The shop keep was very helpful in finding him something to try and didn’t check any identification when he rang up the lot. He gave Harry a knowing smile before waving him off.  
  
Sitting in his empty kitchen, the silence around him deafening as he tried to swallow his meal. He finally gave up, grabbing a glass from the cupboard and opening one of the bottles he had bought. He poured almost a full glass of the strong dark liquid. The smell was a little rancid, burning his nostrils as he closed the bottle back up. He bit his lip before he took a big gulp. He gagged, coughing as the liquid burned his throat all the way down. “Bloody fuck what is this??” He yelled, looking over the label again before taking another gulp hoping it would be better than the first. It wasn’t, but the burn didn’t feel as bad. Actually his thoughts had become meddled and everything that had been suffocating him not even a few seconds ago seem to have just simply vanished. Like an switch had been flicked off.  
  
He brought the glass back to his lips, tilling it back and chugging the rest of its contents. He ignored the burn as his eyes watered, becoming unfocused as he finished. He chuckled, grabbing the bottle but leaving the glass on the counter top, and headed back to his room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WaffleswithSpain's marauders videos are literally my headcanon marauders. Especially "We are the Marauders". So check it out if you are curious about how they look in the pictures from the box.


	4. Chapter 4

The last month had been the worse in Draco’s life. He didn't know what he had been thinking when he had thrown Harry his wand. He had been stupid. He hadn’t been thinking, he really hadn’t. He had just wanted it to end. Just to end. When his father called to him, he couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. He physically could not bring his body to move. People turned to stare at him and he couldn’t move. Not even when his mother called for a second time. He looked away, wanting nothing more than to hide from everyone. He silently prayed for the ground underneath him to open up and swallow him whole.  
  
Then the screaming came and Potter was alive, somehow. He had somehow fouled the Dark Lord _again_. While everyone was frozen in shock, he pushed past some stupid Gryffindors, running towards where the other stood unarmed. He didn’t know what he was doing or thinking but his previous immobile body was moving of its own accord. He yelled for Potter, running between him and Voldemort. Another stupid decision that could have ended his life. He threw his wand to Potter before running towards his mother, pulling her out of the way, over rubble.  
  
He remembered the outraged screaming, the spells flying overhead. His mother’s panic and worried expression, along with his father’s disgusted and frightful one. He didn't know what he had been thinking of at the time when he had thrown Potter his wand. He just wanted it over with. He was tired, emotionally drained and hollow. He couldn’t do it anymore. So he had thrown away his future, his friends, his education, all for what?  A gamble that stupid Saint Potter would be the end of it all, finally, once and for all. A gamble that he really didn’t believe would pay off.  A gamble that in the in the end cost him his home, friends, education, future and pretty much everything that he could remember.

The trial was hasty as no one wanted to be his defense. He was dragged in like cattle to angry faces not once but three times. Once for interrogation, once to plea for his life and the last time for witnesses to speak on his behalf. Every time he was dragged out, his hands shook and he felt like he wanted to vomit all over the floor. He prepared himself the last time he was brought in to be sentenced to a life in Azkaban. He knew his fate. The judge was about seal his future at Azkaban when someone yelled out for him to wait.  
  
Everyone looked to see none other than Harry Potter rushing up towards the stand. He looked horrid and thin, like he hadn’t slept or eaten in the last few days since the battle. He was still scuffed up and bruised, moving a bit gingerly on one leg as he walked.  
  
The judge looked just as shocked as the others in the room.  
  
“Mr. Potter?” He asked. Harry looked up, a bit out of breath. “Wait! I have something to say. On his behalf.” He moved to the front so that everyone could see him. The statement drew gasps from the crowd.  
  
“Draco Malfoy saved my life numerous times over the past year, not to mention he was the reason why I defeated Voldemort that last time, him and his mother.” He stated.  
  
“Go on.” The judge urged as hushed mutters echoed behind him.  
  
“Back in my sixth year at Hogwarts, he didn’t know it, but he saved my life by appearing in the tower. If he hadn’t shown, I wouldn’t have hidden, nor would have Snape appeared. I would have surely been captured by Death Eaters that night and tortured by Voldemort. A month before the Battle of Hogwarts, me, Hermione and Ron were captured by Bellatrix and a bunch of other death eaters.” He paused, taking a deep breath as he clenched his fists together to still their shaking.  
  
“They weren’t sure that I was myself and asked Draco to identify me. Hermione had cast a spell that had screwed up my face where my scar was, but you could still obviously tell it was me. He told them that it wasn’t me, that he wasn’t so sure about this and that they shouldn’t call Voldemort until they were completely sure.” He paused again, a hush around the court room as everyone was stunned.  
  
Draco was humiliated. He couldn’t even look up from his shoes. If they still jailed him, he was as good as dead.  
  
“When we were in the room of requirement, he saved my life again by going against his friends who had been trying to kill me.”  
  
“In the forest when Voldemort thought that he had killed me, he sent Narcissa to check on me. She lied to him, even though she knew I was alive. She felt my heart beating. She asked if Draco was alive and I gave her a nod and she lied to Voldemort.” He reached into his pocket pulling out a wand.  
  
“During the Last bit of the Battle, when everyone thought I was dead. I was wandless. I stood in front of Voldemort without a wand, thinking I surely was going to die this time. But Draco… yelled at me, and threw himself between me and Voldemort.” He paused, looking up at the judge with a sharp frown. He turned to give the menacing look at the rest of the court room. “He threw himself between me and Voldemort at great risk to his own life and threw me his wand.” He held up the wand, turning back to the judge. “That was the reason I was able to defend myself. The wand you have right there,” Harry motioned to the wand in the holder in front of the judge. “Is actually mine and I want it back.” He said snidely.  
  
“Yes, Malfoy was a right prat to me in school, but in reality he has saved my life more times than I can count. Him and his mother are one of the reasons why I am still alive and Voldemort is dead.” He walked up to the podium, taking his wand out of the holder and placing Draco’s next to it.  
  
“So, I’ll let you think about that before you sentence them out of just plain spite and prejudice. Some people do what they do just to survive.” He said before tucking his wand into his pocket and storming out.  
  
It took the judge almost ten whole minutes to calm the courtroom before he sentenced him and the rest of his family to live out their entire probation without magic in a muggle neighborhood. They had been stripped of all titles and all assets. Everything they removed from their home was looked over by Aurors and tested for dark magic.  
  
He had spent the most miserable month of his life in this muggle hell, living off the meals and takeaways that Pansy brought him when she visited. His mother had been reduced to tears, he didn’t know his mother could cry, and had been begging help from her sister. The one he had never met. His father had locked himself in his room, going through at least a weeks’ worth of alcohol in a days’ time. He hadn’t talked or seen his father since they had moved here into Muggle hell.

* * *

  
“Draco!! Are you even paying attention to me?!” Pansy scoffed at him, slapping his arm and breaking him from his thoughts. She had been chatting along, doing her nails as she sat on his carpet and he sat on a bean bag chair next to her.  
  
He shook his head of his thoughts before sighing. “I think my mother thinks I’m gay.” He told her with a frown.  
  
She smirked, letting out a chuckle as she blew on her nails to get them to dry. “But you are gay.” She raised an eyebrow as she looked over her shoulder at him.  
  
“Well yes, Pansy but my mother doesn’t need to know that.” He rolled his eyes. “Nor does she need to know anything that goes on in my private life. Though thanks to Saint Potter, I’m headline news every single day. You would think the editors would have run out of theories by now.” He sighed.  
  
Pansy laughed, “What, not liking how they depicted you as this helpless damsel in distress that needed strong heroic Potter to save you and break you of your evil ways, and the sordid love affair you two have been having?” She giggled, leaning against the chair. “I subscribed to the Prophet just because of those articles. I like to read them in the morning, so much more versatile then harlequin romances.”  
  
“Oy!” He yelled, shoving her with his foot. “You bitch.” He frowned.  
  
She grinned, “Yes and you always seem to forget this for some reason.” She placed her other hand on his knee and he automatically started to paint them.  
  
“What are you going to do?” She asked him as he opened the polish carefully. “I’m not entirely sure. I just wished she would stop hovering. She was never like this before, I don’t see why she is now.”  
  
“Maybe because you were the one that actually stood up to the Dark Lord when all hope was lost?” She shrugged.  
  
 He raised an eyebrow. “And where is this coming from? The new girlfriend?” He smirked.

She rolled her eyes. “We are not dating, we just have a mutual understanding and a somewhat mutual attraction because both of our ex-boyfriends are pig-headed gits.” She told him. “We all did things we regret during the war, Draco. Even me and it took a lot for me to seek help. I still haven’t forgiven myself for the way I treated you and other people. I was scared…” She admitted.  
  
“I know Pans, but you don’t have to worry about me. I’ll be alright, I have to live with my decisions.” He said quietly, turning all his attention on perfectly painting her nails.  
  
“Draco, you didn’t do anything wrong.” She sighed. “Let’s go out tonight.”  
  
He smiled weakly. “Pansy, I can’t go anywhere… “ He was touched by the offer but he really didn’t have any money, couldn’t go towards any wizarding places nor did he know enough about muggle things to go anywhere around here. Not that he would admit these things to Pansy.  
  
“Of course you can. Let’s go shopping. I‘ve actually been to a few Muggle shops with my… Friend-“  
  
“Girlfriend.” Draco interjected.  
  
“With my _friend,_ and her friend. I know a few nice places. Put everything behind you. Especially that.” She said, moving her free hand to where his dark mark was peeping out from underneath his rolled sleeves.  
  
“It’s impervious to any magic. I’ve tried.” He shrugged, finishing up her nails and letting her hand go. He closed up the polish and was silence for a good bit. “Thanks Pansy.”  
  
She gave him a smile before rolling her eyes. “Okay I cannot deal with a mopey sappy Draco anymore. You are coming with me. Get dressed. We are going shopping and we are buying you new,” She looked him up and down, “New everything. Oh darling you look dreadful and I know you haven’t left this house in weeks. I am doing myself a favor because my eyes can’t take this anymore.” She sighed. Draco smirked, getting up and doing what she said.

* * *

  
He didn’t know how he had come to be standing outside a very shady looking muggle “tattoo” shop but he was never one to question Pansy when she was on a mission. He took a look at his Dark Mark, biting his lip. Did he really deserve to start a new life?  
  
He was dragged inside before he could become lost in his thoughts and Pansy lead him to the counter. The muggle behind it smiled at the two. “How can I help you?” She asked him. He turned to Pansy unsure. She gave him a smile. “My friend here wants to know if it would be possible if you could do a cover up.”  
  
The girl smiled at him. “Let’s see what you got there.” Draco bit his lip and took a deep breath, pulling his shirt sleeve up. She took hold of his arm, looking it over. “What do you want to do with it? Why do you want to cover it?”  
  
“Bad breakup.” Pansy offered, which made Draco chuckle. “Something like that.” He agreed.  
  
“I have an idea, but I’m not sure if you will like it. Oh, by the way, my name is Stephanie.” She told him as she let go of his arm. He automatically covered the mark with his hand. Stephanie gave him a hard look before nodded in understanding.  
  
“Brands aren’t really easy to get rid of, especially ones with dark ink. But it seems like yours is faded a lot so it shouldn’t be too hard.” She opened a large binder, flipping through some pages. She turned the binder around for Draco to see.  
  
It was a picture of very bright vibrant flower blossoms that were curling around a stem that was made out of a previous tattoo. “Daffodils for rebirth and new beginnings. Gladiolus for strength of character. White Heather Lavender for protection and wishes come true. Blue Iris for hope. Orange Lily for passion.” She explained. “We can play with it a bit if you don’t-“  
  
“No, I want this. As it is.” Draco interrupted. She nodded, taking the page out of the binder before leading him back. He followed her back, looking to make sure that Pansy was behind him. She gave him a smile as Stephanie got him to sit down in an odd looking chair.  
  
Stephanie disappeared behind a curtain and Pansy sat down next to him. “Don’t freak out but there will be a buzzing needle.” She told him.  
  
“What do you mean a buzzing needle??” He asked, concerned. “Why would muggles make a buzzing needle to put pictures on themselves?”  
  
“We don’t have time for impossible questions. Just don’t freak out.” She told him. He frowned at her. “I am not going to freak out.”  
  
She gave him a look. “Draco, you nearly wet yourself when the toaster went off. Your mother really did have a nervy B over how to turn on the stove.”  
  
He rolled his eyes. “Fine, I won’t freak out.” He settled down in the chair. “I need to meet this girlfriend of yours with all the muggle knowledge.”  
  
“She is not my girlfriend.” Pansy said loudly as a tall lanky man appear from behind the curtain.  
  
“She is too your girlfriend. And I’m kind of insulted that you have not introduced me to her. I am your best friend Pansy. How could you betray me like this?” He bit back, not really angry. She started to laugh, smiling at him. “That’s the Draco I know and love.” She told him, making his pale cheeks twinge a bit pink. “Thanks.”  
  
The young man walked over and took a sit beside Draco. “So we are doing a covering up?” He asked in a thick American accent. Back Draco and Pansy stared at him for a moment before Draco cleared his throat. “Yes, there is a page right there.”  
  
“My name is Chris and I’ll being doing your tattoo.” He said, taking the page and nodding. “Shirt off.”  
  
Pansy smirked, looking away as a very flustered Draco unbuttoned his shirt and shrugged it off. It was Chris’s turn to become flustered, which made Draco feel a little better about the many scars on his body. He showed Chris his mark and the other nodded, getting started.  
  
It was a buzzing needle contraption just like Pansy had said. The only thing was the ink wouldn’t go over his mark. Chris bit his lip, improvising the placement of the flowers to hid most of the mark. He couldn’t cover it up, but you could barely notice it from in the middle of the strikingly bright flowers.  
  
It didn’t hurt at all really, just an annoying repetitive picking feeling. Chris at one point laughed at how bored Draco looked, impressed. Chris was nice to look at, longish dark hair, green eyes, piercings and tattoos.  
  
It wasn’t until they were almost finished that Draco looked down and burst into tears. He knew it was pathetic but he couldn’t stop the heaving sobs. It was like someone had wiped clean every mistake that he had made. The last few weeks had made him feel like he was in prison instead of a second chance and half of the reason why was he had to stare at that ugly mark every day and just be reminded of everything that he had done. Now he didn’t have to see it anymore…  
  
Chris stopped what he was doing, pulling Draco into a tight hug. “Hey, it’s going to be okay…” He whispered, rubbing his back. It took a while for Chris and Pansy to calm Draco down before he finished up the rest of his tattoo. Pansy paid for it, chatting away with Chris about going to buy Draco some new clothing. He recommended some shops in Camden, saying that Draco would look really hot in grunge. Draco thanked him for the tattoo and Chris slipped him a muggle piece of paper. “Call me sometime.”  
  
Pansy pulled a flustered Draco out of the shop, laughing as she linked arms and started to walk down the street. “You know the point of flirting is not to replace what you can’t have with something that looks like it right?”  
  
“What are you talking about?” He asked her with a frown. “Oh come on Draco, you can’t lie to me. He looked like Potter’s twin. Instant Potter, just add glasses.” She accused.  
  
“You shut your whore mouth.” He snapped. “I do not like Potter!”  
  
“Defensive.” She smirked. “At least now I know what to say when you become extra prat-ish.” She laughed, letting go of his arm and skipping off down the pavement. “Draco and Potter sitting in a Tree!” She sang loudly as she went.  
  
“Come back here!” He yelled, running after her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were a lot of things that I wanted to really work into this scene but had to cut half of it out from next time because god i didn't realize i wrote that much. I will explain more on Pansy later though. She is currently the only one that talks to Draco now.


	5. Chapter 5

It took Harry and Andromeda almost another two weeks before they were finished with the garage. He had picked up a sort of routine. Two days on his own house, then two days with Andromeda. The nights that he wasn’t going to be going to Andromeda’s, he drank heavily. Sometimes not even making it to the bedroom and passing out in the hallway or lounge. He was on great terms with both the cashier at the shady liquor store and the DIY Centre shop keep as he saw them every other day.   
  
It was towards the end of the next week that they started on the apartment. It was musty so he told Andromeda that he could do it himself if she just wanted to watch Teddy and do errands. She argued at first, but then relented letting Harry have his way.   
  
He started off dusting everything, getting rid of all the trash and doing the dirty dishes in the sink that were seriously starting to grow something. Then next he started on the boxes in the spare room. The boxes were heavy without any sort of labels. Some even rattled when he moved them. He just started to stock pile them up in the sitting room, as he started to box up everything else. He really didn’t want to go through anything right now.  Once he had the spare room cleaned up, he called it a day.   
  
He spent some time with Teddy and Andromeda before heading off to the shop to spend some hours trying to fix his motorbike. He stopped on his way home and grabbed some food and alcohol. It was routine and it felt familiar and safe. The alcohol kept the memories, the thoughts and feelings away. It kept the nightmares and anxiety away. It numbed him to everything that could possibly hurt him. He felt himself treading water, just barely catching wisps of breath occasionally. He wasn’t living, he was just existing from day to day as he tried not to fall apart.   
  
Two days later when he was cleaning out the kitchen of the garage apartment, he walked through the sitting room and accidently knocked one of the boxes over. He gave a heavy sigh moving to clean it up. He froze, staring at the yellowing muggle journals that had spilled out. The same lined paper that was used on the notes that had been tucked into Sirius’s box.   
   
He frowned, pulling the rest from the box, looking them over.  The front of each one was dated in Remus’s perfect handwriting. He grabbed a random one and opened it to the last page that was written. It was dated May of that year. 

* * *

  
_It’s starting…  It’s starting again… History is going to repeat itself. I just look at her and I feel my heart breaking. I look at my son and I know I will never see him grow up. Was this how James felt? When he looked at Harry all those years ago…_  
  
_I’ve been thinking about the past a lot these last few days. I’m laying here right now in bed next to my sleeping wife with our son in the crib next to us. Two things I thought I would never have. It’s amazing for a monster like me._  
  
_To have had two people that have known what I was and what I’ve become every month and not care. To look at me without fear, disgust or anything other than love in their eyes._  
  
_I still miss him… I miss him from the very bottom of my soul. He was supposed to be my forever… We were supposed to have this…_  
  
_I never thought I deserved someone after him… I loved Sirius so much it hurt…_  
  
_Dora… she bulldozed herself into my life in pretty much the same fashion he had all those years ago. She was a bubbling ball of sunshine and happiness and loud. Something I have never met and was a light in the bleakness of the war and my life that I never knew I needed. And soon I needed her more than I needed to breath and it scared me to my very existence. To need someone so much that you couldn’t think. You couldn’t do anything without them crossing your mind… It had been a long time since I felt something like that… I thought I was broken but she… she glued the pieces back together with just a smile. A laugh. A fleeting touch. I never knew such beauty existed. She was different from everything I knew. She was different, yet familiar all in the same breath-taking package._  
  
_She made me laugh, even though I didn’t want to anymore. She made me happy when I was sad. She danced around the room to Weird Sister albums in just a shirt and underwear. She made me dance with her. She spoke with no filter, which amused me to no end. She was wild and free, with too much love to give. I hate to say I have a type but I guess I do. I’ve only loved two people in my life and they were so similar._  
  
_Dora is my light and my life. She is my hope. My shining light in a world that has become increasingly bleak again. In turn, I can see history repeating itself again. I have this crushing feeling that everything I love and everything that matters to me are going to be taken away just like last time. I was unable to stop it and I feel like I will be unable to do so again. Dora… she saved me from myself and my misery just like he did all those years ago. Our son is my greatest accomplishment and I don’t think Sirius would mind me saying that. I always thought I wouldn’t be a father. We never really talked about children, Sirius and me. Harry was all of ours, and it broke me when I was forbidden to see him after Lily and James’s death._  
  
_I was scared when Dora told me about Teddy. But Harry was wise beyond his years. I talked Dora into making him Godfather. If anyone is going to make it out of this war alive it is him and I will put my child’s safety and protection in his hands. I trust only he will understand what Teddy is going through if something happened to me. Harry will be a great father when he does have children of his own. He has so much of Lily in him. It makes me want to sob. Most people look at him and see James. Sirius did, to the point that he frequently called him such. But it’s not true. When I look at him, I see my best friend Lily. Her kindness and wisdom. Her unselfish want to make everyone smile and be happy. Harry is just like her. Uncommonly kind to everyone._  
  
_I can feel that my time is running out. I love my wife and my son and I wish nothing more than for them to have a happy life. I never wanted to put any burden on them._  
  
_It took so long to become content in my skin and in my life. Dora is a bloody angel for dealing with all my baggage and not leaving. I hope Sirius would be alright with everything. I know that he would want me happy… and I can honestly say that I am…_  
  
_I will always love him and miss him. He will always have a part of my heart. I spent over ten years of my life with him. Dora understands this…_  
  
_I had so many concerns about this, I mean she’s my dead ex-fiancée’s cousin. Not to mention she is thirteen years my junior. I still feel like Andromeda doesn’t like me. She has this look sometimes… I feel like she thinks I’m trying to replace Sirius with Dora._  
  
_I’m not._  
  
_I’m not so sure she believes me. I don’t blame her._  
  
_I guess I should probably get some sleep. If I keep the light on for any longer, Teddy will become irritated. Dora hasn’t had much sleep and I know it and everything is weighting on her. I just want to leave something for Teddy._  
  
_Teddy,_  
 _Me and your mother love you very much. We fought very hard to make a world that was better for you. A world that was kind and understanding, one that we would be proud to bring you up in. We never meant to leave you alone, if something happened to us. You were our world. You are my world. My everything. You are the one good thing I ever did in my life. I’m still not sure if I passed on my horrible genetics to you, but please know that if I did, I am truly sorry. I only want you to be the happiest child there is. I hope Harry spoils you rotten and that you know nothing but love. I hope you grow up to be strong. Strong like your Uncle Harry and as kind, bright and hopeful like your mum. I hope that the world would be changed for the better as you grow, knowing nothing of the darkness it once held. You are the best piece of me, my son. You are the one thing that I got right in all of my years on this earth. My greatest treasure. I love you to the bottom of my soul. No matter what you do or who you love, I will be forever proud of you. Just ask your Uncle Harry. Also know that I loved your mother very very much. And we loved you very much._  
  
_Remus J. Lupin_  


* * *

  
  
Harry wiped the tears from his eyes, smoothing the creases out of the pages as he reread the words. Some things made sense now. Actually a lot of things made sense now. He didn’t know what or how to feel. He didn’t know what to do. It was like he was getting a glimpse of something extremely private. He wanted more but he wasn’t so sure if he should.   
  
He had never seen Remus in this light. A sad, confused man who was just trying to be a good father and husband. Trying to make a better world for his child. Just like Harry’s parents had done. It really was history repeating itself. He was the lone survivor with a child left. A child who would never know their parents. Who would never understand just how brave and loving they were. He kicked the box in front of him, spilling out more books but he didn’t care. He pulled himself up and walked out, down the stairs to the main house.   
  
Andromeda was in the kitchen making lunch when he found her. Without any preamble, he stopped in the doorway clearing his throat. “You knew didn’t you?”  
  
She looked up at him. “Knew what?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.   
  
“You knew about Sirius and Remus.” He stated.  
  
She gave him this look, running her eyes up and down him as she bit her lip. “I did.”  
  
“He thought you hated him.” He told her.   
  
She sighed. “I didn’t hate him. I thought my daughter was just being reckless. Not because of Remus being a werewolf, but because I could still see how much that boy loved my cousin. Even when Sirius was still alive, I saw the way he looked at him. But Sirius… He broke him. He broke Remus to a point where I can’t even understand how the other could feel anything afterwards.” She said softly.   
  
“Broke him?” He asked, hugging himself.  
  
“Sirius… he never let Remus get close again. He broke him over and over, pushing him away. Saying that he didn’t love him. Letting guilt and insecurity fester and eat away at Remus.” She told him. “It’s hard to be in love with someone that doesn’t want you, when every fiber of your being is completely and irrevocably still theirs’.”  
  
“I use to stare at him because I never saw someone so broken before in my life. But every time Dora came around, his face just lit up. It was like watching time rewind itself and all the broken pieces that had been Remus were put back together again. My daughter did that.” She paused. “I saw that loving devotion that he had for my cousin slowly shift towards my daughter. He looked at her like she was the sun and the stars. Like she was the most perfect thing in the world. And I knew at that moment that he deserved her. That Dora couldn’t find a better man then Remus Lupin, because I watched a completely broken man be pieced back together slowly. He appreciated and almost irrevocably worshipped her.”   
  
She gave Harry a smile. “I never hated Remus, I felt sorry for what my cousin did to him. I never pitied him.” She clarified. “I just thought that someone who was as gentle and loyal as he was deserved something better.”  
  
Harry nodded, walking over to her as he opened the journal. He stopped at the page with the letter to Teddy, handing it to her. She shook her head, pushing it back to him. “I don’t want to read it.”  
  
“That’s why you asked me to clean the apartment.” He said, closing the journal and hugging it to his chest.   
  
“Some things are best left to others that are more suited for the job.” She gave him a knowing smile before going to check on Teddy.  He stood there in the kitchen, holding the journal like an anchor. He couldn’t make heads or tails of his feelings at the moment and just wanted the painfulness to go away. He wanted to be free of everything. He wanted to be drunk. To be numb. He wanted to have never read this journal. To never find out what felt like the most hushed secret there was.   
  
Had everyone else known? Remus had said Sirius had been his fiancée, so did that mean everyone in the order had known? Everyone had conveniently just left out this little detail from him. Also the little detail that Remus was forbidden to see him. Who forbid him? He had always wondered why Remus had never contacted him while he was at the Dursleys. Had they forbid him? Or was it Dumbledore?  
  
There was no one to ask all the questions filling his head. Everyone was dead! THEY WERE DEAD! They were dead and no one could answer his questions!   
  
He felt his chest constrict as flashes of their hollow lifeless faces came and when and his ears filled with the sounds of screaming. He gasped, wanting nothing more to shut down. He called to Andromeda that he was leaving before hurrying out as fast as he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be more journal entries from Remus. They will be placed as little intermission chapters as the story goes on, and will be titled by their dates.
> 
> This chapter was bit hard to write, for a lot of reasons. But I hope you guys do like it. Leave me some comments!


	6. Chapter 6

“Pans, are you ready yet?” Draco asked from where he was hanging out of his bedroom window. He took a long drag from the cigarette, flicking ash. He looked at his arm, running his fingertips lightly over his tattoo. It had been almost a month since he had done it. Every night since, he had gone out with Pansy, drinking and dancing. The fresh air was freeing and the anonymity of all the muggle places was like an addiction. It made Draco feel alive for the first time in his life.   
  
He had called Chris soon after, hanging out with him a bit when they went out. He was a part of a muggle band and had invited both him and Pansy to watch the show a few times. After a week, Draco had even let the muggle boy talk him into getting multiple piercings along his ear lobes and one in his eyebrow. The next time he had seen the other, after Pansy’s makeover, the man had looked like he was going to faint.   
  
It really had boosted his spirits, considering he was not at all confident in his new muggle clothing. They were nothing much more than ripped up rags in his opinion. Why did Muggles even wear this garbage?  
  
They had been hanging out with Chris for a month when it happened. Draco had been sharing a cigarette with him outside after his show, talking about just random things as Pansy just fluttered around, drunk. Chris stubbed the cigarette out and leaned close kissing Draco’s lips lightly. Draco reacted immediately, pushing him away gently. “Chris...”  
  
Chris smiled sadly. “I know, but I least I tried.” He told him with a nod, leaning away. “Whoever he is, he’s a lucky bastard.”   
  
“There isn’t anyone.” He said a little too quickly. Chris raised an eyebrow. “It’s complicated.” Draco admitted lamely.   
  
“I get it. You don’t have to explain anything to me.” He said, with a nod as Pansy joined them. She passed Draco a flask and he took a long sip from it.   
  
He shook those thoughts from his head as he blew out smoke, running his free hand through his hair. It hung long and messy into his eyes. He knew he looked like utter shit. He hadn’t been sleeping well, if at all, and dark circles had appeared. He couldn’t really remember what the dreams were about, but he could remember the feeling that left him shaken and drenched in sweat. He looked back down at his mark, the scared lines barely there but stood out white on the tough skin. He had tried to gauge out the image, hoping that the sharp knife would work since nothing else had. It had not, just making it grow a thick protective skin. It didn’t mess up his tattoo, but now he just had this ugly blotch of skin and white lines making the dark mark a little more noticeable in the middle of his flowers.  
  
“Buggering shit, my mother is home.” He called to Pansy, stubbing out the cigarette before moving back into his room. He shoved some laundry off his bedside table before grabbing some air freshener. He sprayed his room, waving his hand around to try to get the smell to dissipate.    
  
“You need to stop smoking in here.” Pansy said as she walked out of the bathroom, fixing her skirt.   
  
“Like she would know what they were if she saw them.” He rolled his eyes. “She put my mobile in the ice box and then almost had a break down when it started to ring.”   
  
She laughed, leaning down to put her lipstick on in his mirror. “Is Chris meeting us?”   
  
“No.” He said as he heard his mother’s heels on the stairs. They both were quiet until they heard the master bedroom door close.   
  
“Why not?” She asked, adjusting her cleavage before the master bedroom door opened again. “Draco? Can you make Dinner?” His mother called out.   
  
“Me and Pansy are about to leave!” He called back. “Oh, Pansy dear would you mind making Dinner? I can’t start the muggle Firestarter.”   
  
“Yes, Mrs. Malfoy!” She chirped as Draco rolled his eyes. The bedroom door closed and Pansy turned to look at him.   
  
“Because he kissed you and it became too real?”   
  
“No, because he’s a muggle.” He frowned. “I will not _slum_ that much.”

“I’m not being your beard again.” She frowned at him. “It took me almost 8 years to get you out of the closet finally, you are not going back in.”   
  
“Pansy.” He hissed.   
  
“No. This is the most “you” you’ve been in all the years I’ve known you. I am not going to just let you lose that. I am not going to let you shrivel up into something that isn’t you just to please other people.” She glared at him. Draco nodded, looking away from her.   
  
“I’m not going to let you lose yourself. You are my best friend. I will not see you self-destruct.” She said sternly.   
  
He moved from across the room, hugging her tightly saying nothing.   
  
She gave him a squeeze before letting go. “Let’s go. Chris’s band will be playing in a bit and I must slay the “muggle Firestarter” for your mum.”   
  


* * *

  
Draco laughed as he followed her down to the kitchen. He opened the cabinet, grabbing a box of crackers. He sat down on the counter, watching her as she lit the stove and started to boil water.   
  
“What are you thinking about?” She asked him, the shimmer from her top reflecting off the pot.   
  
“Nothing.” He shrugged.  
She glared at him. “I have a guess and it rhymes with Hotter.” She sighed. “My mum was talking about him actually this morning.”  
  
He perked up at that. “What she say?”  
  
“That he’s been living in your aunt’s house. Been gutting it.”   
  
“Gutting it? I thought that he would be shacking up with the Weaslette, shagging like rabbits.” He shrugged.   
  
She visibly stiffened at that comment, her shoulders tensing. Draco knitted his eyebrows. “Are you alright?”   
  
“Of course.” She said, shaking it off. “They broke up.” She snipped. He opened his mouth to say something as his mother came around the corner. He jumped off the counter, quickly straightening his shirt.   
  
Narcissa smiled tightly at her son, not getting too close to the muggle appliances. “Thank you Pansy. You are such a dear.”   
  
Pansy smiled at her. “You are welcome.”   
  
“Is Father coming out of his room today?” Draco asked, his voice a bit irritated.   
  
“Your father isn’t feeling well.” Narcissa brushed it off.   
  
“He can’t just hide in there until our probation is over.” Draco hissed.   
  
“This is very hard on him, Draco, please understand.”   
  
“Make your own dinner, the muggle things don’t bite.” He said, turning off the stove and pulling Pansy out of the kitchen. “Let’s go.”   


* * *

  
Pansy stopped Draco outside the entrance when they got to the club. “Draco, I need to talk to you.”   
  
“What is it?” He asked her as he lit a cigarette, taking a deep drag. She waved the smoke away from her face impatiently. “I invited my friend.”   
  
He choked on the smoke. “Seriously? I get to meet the girlfriend?” He smirked. “Finally it is about time. It’s been two months Pansy. Two months.”   
  
“My friend.” She said pointedly.   
  
“I should have known something was up. You are wearing your “shag me” top.” He rolled his eyes.   
  
“She is bringing her friend I think, but I need you to not react.” She bit her lip, unsure.   
  
Draco shrugged. “Fine. I mean I don’t see why it’s such a big deal-“ He trailed off, his mouth falling open.  Granger and the Weaslette were walking towards them. Granger and the Weaslette were in Muggle Camden. They were walking up to them like it was the most natural thing in the world. He closed his eyes tightly, counting to three in his head before opening them again. Nope, still walking towards them.   
  
“Either I am hallucinating from some unknown drug that I did not take or that is Weasley and Granger.” Draco muttered, turning to glare at Pansy. She looked away from him, guilty.   
  
“How and why?” He asked her. “It’s a long story that I probably will not tell you.” Pansy muttered, giving him a smile as Ginny and Hermione reached them.   
  
“Oh, you are dead.” He hissed at her.  
  
“Sorry we are late, we had to make an emergency stop at Harry’s. He doesn’t live that far from here.” Ginny told her, gaining Draco’s attention. “What for?” He asked before he could stop himself, making the other two do a double take.   
  
“Malfoy?” Hermione asked shocked, looking him over.

 “You remember my name Granger. Good for you.” He muttered sourly.   
  
Ginny ignored both of them in favor of Pansy. “He’s been really distance. Andromeda is worried about him. He’s been drinking a lot and sometimes it’s like he doesn’t even realize where he is.” She explained to Pansy, who nodded.   
  
“Okay, this is just three different planes of mind fuckery.” Draco said, gesturing to the new comers with his cigarette. “But do you really blame him?” He scoffed at them both as if they were daft.  
  
“What do you mean?” Hermione asked, frowning. Draco rolled his eyes. “You might be smart but you are really dense Granger.” He blew out smoke. Hermione waved her hand in front of her face. “Smoke, Malfoy.”   
  
He ignored her. “Saint Potter is probably tired of everyone’s shit. If I had you lot all in my face and all I wanted was peace, I would drink too.” He said, dropping the cigarette and stomping it out with his trainer. “This is enough mind-fuckery for me tonight. This whole scene is driving me mental.” He turned to Pansy with a glare. “I am going to find Chris before he gets on stage. I’ll ring you later if I can’t find you Pans.” He told her before walking off.   
  
Once he was gone, Hermione turned to Pansy. “For once, I agree with Malfoy. That was completely bizarre.” She said, shaking her head as she watched him disappear into the club. Pansy chuckled. “That is the real Draco Malfoy, Granger.” She said before leading Ginny towards the entrance.  “Or it was until you got here.” She muttered under her breath.

* * *

 

Draco was agitated, leaning close to Chris on the side of the stage as the others set up when Pansy, Ginny and Hermione walked in.   
  
Hermione stopped in her tracks staring at the two. The way Draco would lean in as if dropping his guard but then he would snap back, his whole body rigid, leaning away from the dark haired man. Chris smiled softly every time this would happen as if it was natural. He reached up and pushed Draco’s hair out of his eyes, biting his lip ring nervous.  
  
Hermione turned to Pansy, raising an eyebrow. “Looks like someone doesn’t it?” The dark haired woman purred with a smirk.   
  
Hermione looked at her before turning back to Chris than started laughing. “Weirder things have happen.”   
  
“Case and point, us.” Ginny said, bumping Pansy’s shoulder with her own.   
  
“How did that happen by the way, you never told me.” Hermione asked, confused.   
  
“I was getting food for Draco and I bumped into her. After some really horrible words from me,” Pansy paused, “And some apologies, we started talking.”    
  
Ginny grinned at her, tucking her red locks back behind her ear shyly. Hermione shook her head. “Never mind, I don’t want to know.” She held up her hand.   
  
“So assuming from Malfoy’s reaction, you haven’t told him about us all hanging out all this time?” She asked. Ginny sighed. “Just like how you haven’t told Ron?”   
  
“I haven’t told Ron because he will explode.” Hermione told her. “And you know it.”    
  
“What has Potter been doing?” Pansy asked, curious. “I’ve heard rumors but nothing really concrete.”   
  
Hermione shrugged as Ginny moved close to the stage to listen to the band. Pansy sat down at the table with Hermione, watching Ginny.   
  
“It’s pretty bad. I mean his birthday is in like a few days and I don’t even think he will be coherent enough to realize it.”   
  
Pansy bit her lip slightly. “I have a plan, but I don’t know how to do it and as much as I hate to admit it, I need your help.”   
  
“What is it?” Hermione asked hesitantly, not sure if she liked where this was going. “Oh, don’t give me that look Granger. It has nothing to do with Ginny.” She scoffed. Hermione relaxed a bit at that. “So what is it?” She asked.   
  
“Potter is heading towards a nervy b and a long extended hols at St. Mungo’s, Draco won’t talk to me and I have a feeling if I left him alone he would be the same as Potter. We can’t ever know what they are going through, so who better to help them get through whatever it is that they can’t get over than each other.” She turned her attention to Draco.   
  
“Set them up?” Hermione asked her skeptically. “I’m not so sure Harry would go with that.”

“Captain Oblivious is not going to know what hit him.” She scoffed. “If he can go seven years without realizing what was right in his face, then he won’t realize what we are doing.” She moved towards the bar with Hermione trailing after her.   
  
“As much as I hate to admit it, I’m worried about Draco and I’m sure you and the kitten over there are worried about Potter. I help you, you help me.” She said, ordering a drink.   
  
“So how am I helping you?” She asked, glancing over at Ginny.  
  
“Oh please, Granger. I don’t need help with that.” She rolled her eyes. “Draco was right, you are kind of dense sometimes. I think some of Potter’s daftness rubbed off on you.” She scrunched her nose at the thought.   
  
Hermione rolled her eyes at that. “So I think I might be able to help you… I have sort of a plan in mind. But it requires not just us, but another outside force.”  
  
“If you say Weasley or another one of your misfit friends I will hit you.” She warned.   
  
“No, someone that Harry will listen to. Andromeda.” She corrected as Pansy grabbed a bottle of water for Ginny.   
  
“Andromeda Black? Do you really think she will help us?” She asked, a little skeptical.   
  
“If I explain things to her, maybe.” Hermione gave a little shrug. “I didn’t say that it was a good plan, but it’s all I’ve got at the moment’s notice.”   
  
“Well.. It’s better than nothing.” She grabbed her drink and walked off towards the redhead. “Don’t fuck it up Granger.” She called over her shoulder.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've had Harry's thoughts on the matter, Draco's thoughts on the matter, know it's time for Pansy's thoughts on the matter. Also more of Draco is clueless about muggle things.

He never thought his life would come down to Malfoy stalking him.  
  
Over the last few weeks, Harry had been drowning his crushing emotions and feelings in a steady supply of alcohol, sometimes not even waiting for the days that he wasn’t going to Andromeda’s. He would then arrive at her home, reeking of alcohol and having the worse hangover.  
  
He had been slowly going through Remus’s boxes, which now lived in the spare bedroom that he had made into an office. He had found a total of almost a hundred journals, more photos than he could count and vials of what looked like memories for a pensieve. He had been careful of those, putting them in a cabinet so that they were safe. He didn’t have a pensieve or even knew anyone with one.  
  
He read the journals every night before getting drunk and passing out in random places of his house. The home improvement project was actually coming along nice. Most of the house had been torn down, replaced, repainted and redecorated. It was large and spacious with tons of natural light and bright paint. It didn’t even look like the same place at all. He had added some brickwork around the fireplaces using light colored stones. The kitchen was a light sunflower yellow, the various other rooms where white while the sitting room was colored a light bluish grey. The furniture looked more like something you would find at the Burrow, handmade and comfy. Handmade throws from Molly littered the place along with plush rugs on the hardwood floors.  
  
Ginny and Hermione had popped by one night when he was completely pissed. He didn’t really remember what they had said or what had happened. More like snippets of conversations and faces. Faces that pitied him. He was pathetic, he knew that, he didn’t need anyone else to baby him and remind him of it. He resented the entire event and drunk more heavily. That sort of stopped when he forgot to visit Andromeda, making her worry and Teddy cry for him all that day. She gave him a stern talking to, cutting him deep. He pulled back on the drinking a bit, and spent most of his time at the garage, fixing up his motorbike. Now that his house was basically finished, he really didn’t have anything else to keep him busy on the days he wasn’t at Andromeda’s.

* * *

  
  
Draco was a bit suspicious when Pansy came over, relaying an message from his aunt. He had been talking to her through Owl over the last couple of days, ever since she had finally came over to help his mother. He knew about his cousin, but had yet to meet the toddler. Andromeda had shown him pictures and told him stories, making him curious, but yet he hesitated.  He didn’t know why, but he just felt like he didn’t belong. He was the reason why the boy had no parents. It didn’t feel right to come into his life as if nothing had happened.  
  
So it was a little odd that Andromeda sent out Pansy with a message for him. Teddy’s babysitter hadn’t shown up and she couldn’t get in touch with them. She couldn’t leave the house and had asked if Draco could maybe go find them. The address she had given him was not that far from his house actually so he agreed.  
  
He got dressed, leaving Pansy to find food for lunch and ring him when she had a reservation. When he got to the address, it was a muggle garage. He couldn’t find the door so he walked around and through the workshop, following the sound of the loud music. He recognized the rock tune, it was one that Chris’s band had done a cover of. Nirvana was what he had said the name of the American Muggle band was if he remembered correctly.  
  
“Hello?” He called over the music, coming around the corner and finding a pair of _very_ fit looking legs underneath a motorbike. The legs were clad in dirty acid washed denim and a pair of old trainers. He cleared his throat. “Hello?”  
  
“We’re closed.” Came the muffled reply from the owner of the legs, barely audible over the music.  
  
“I can see that. But I’m trying to find someone.” Draco said, frowning. The other mumbled something  but Draco couldn’t hear him. “I can’t hear you!” He yelled, moving over to the Muggle music box and hitting random buttons, hoping one would shut it off. Once he achieved that, he turned just in time to see the pair of legs emerge from under the bike. A _very_ fit and tan naked torso, covered in grease and sweat went along with those legs. Draco bit his lip as the other emerged fully. Green eyes locked with grey and they both froze in sheer shock.  
  
Harry’s eyes widen as he took in Malfoy’s appearance from where he was sitting on the floor, not even bothering to stand up. He had dyed his undercut a dark almost blue black with the natural white blond hanging long into his eyes. He had a piercing in his eyebrow, along with a handful of others in his ears. His eyes were lined with dark eyeliner, and he was wearing black nail polish. He had a ripped band shirt with black tight ripped denim. He had a pair of worn out trainers on and a pack of cigarettes in the pocket of his flannel shirt.  
  
“Malfoy?” Harry asked, standing up slowly. “What are you doing here?” Though that was not the question he wanted to ask the other.  
  
Draco took a deep breath, finding his voice after a moment. “Andromeda sent me. She said something about babysitting.” He scoffed, mostly chastising himself for the lapse of sanity where he had thought that Potter was fit, _in any way_.  
  
“Weird, she told me that she was going out today and that she wouldn’t be home at all.” He knitted his eyebrows.  
  
_It's a bloody fucking set up. It smelled like a fucking set up. Fucking Pansy_. Draco thought, internal rage boiling over. First Weasley and Granger. Now this.  
  
“Well don’t look at me Potter, I am just a messenger. You should really sort out your affairs before galivanting off to do weird Muggle things.” He snarled, some of the angry that he had for Pansy boiling over the surface.  
  
“Watch it Malfoy.” Harry snapped back. “It’s not my fault that you can’t come up with a better excuse than that to see me.”  
  
Draco started to laugh. “See you?” He asked, appalled at the very thought. “You wish! Did you lose some marbles over the last few months?” He asked, glaring at him. “No one would want to come here voluntarily. No one likes you.”  
  
Harry frowned. “Then why are you here, Malfoy?”  
  
“Don’t you listen, I told you why I was. Pay attention, you can do that simple thing can’t you?”  
  
Harry rolled his eyes. “Leave, I have lunch.”  
  
“Gladly. So do I.” He turned around and started to walk off, trying to be elegant with his proud strut and his head held high, like he had done in school but it didn’t really work with trainers and jeans. He tripped over his own feet, hearing a snigger of barely concealed laughter behind him.  
  
He bit his lip, growling in frustration before marching off, making an obscene gesture with his finger at Harry as he left.  
  
Harry burst out laughing when he left, walking over and fixing everything that Malfoy had wrecked trying to turn off the radio.

* * *

  
  
“This is not going to end well.” Pansy hissed from where she was standing outside the café with Hermione. “I’ve already gotten three angry texts.” She said, holding up her mobile. “I can practically see him doing the ‘I’m not talking to you but I have this whole bag of judgmental looks I’m going to try out on you later,’ thing that he does.”  
  
Hermione giggled a bit. “Technically it was not us, it was Andromeda’s idea.” She said as Draco hurried around the corner. Pansy sighed, rolling her eyes as she went to greet him. Not a second later did Harry show up, smiling at Hermione. He raised an eyebrow when he saw Malfoy there, confused. “Are you following me now?” He asked, a little weirded out.  
  
“No, Potter. Technically I am in my city. And you are invading it with your unwanted presence.” He said, pulling Pansy into the café without another word.  
  
_Just like old times_ , Pansy thought as she hurried off.

* * *

  
  
“And then he starts being a complete prat.” Harry told her as he stuffed his face with bread. “What?” He asked. Hermione smiled at him, shaking her head. “I haven’t seen you this lively in a while. Also it feels like we are back in Hogwarts.” She told him.  
  
He shook his head. “I’m a high school dropout, Hermione. Nothing for me now.”

“We are all basically high school dropouts. I was thinking of maybe going to a muggle university… but I don’t know. I want to stay with Ron, but he is clueless of muggle things.”  
  
Harry smiled at her. “You can get whatever job you want. You have the skills for anything.”  
  
“So do you.” She said, patting his hand. Harry snuck a look at Malfoy.

* * *

  
“What are you playing at?” Draco asked Pansy as the other sipped her tea. “Not playing at anything.” She said through closed lips. “Potter is looking at me again.” He hissed, staring straight at her. Pansy smirked. “Just like old times.” She muttered.  
  
“Oh no, you are not doing this to me.” He said, shaking his head. “First it was with Chris, now with Potter. I do not fancy Potter. We have been over this.” He muttered. “And he’s looking at me again.” He rolled his eyes, picking at the food in front of him.

* * *

  
“So I want to talk about your birthday.” Hermione smiled as she received her food. “I don’t want to do anything.” He groaned.  
  
“It’s your 18th birthday, of course we are going to do something. Not only are you of age in the wizarding world, you will be of age in the muggle world as well. You could possibly get a muggle job, if that is the sort of thing you want to do.” She said softly.  
  
“What makes you say that?” He asked, surprised.  
  
“If I tell you something, you can not tell Ron by any means.” She told him.  
  
“ ‘mione what’s going on?” He leaned forward concerned.  
  
“Me and Ginny have been hanging out with Pansy.” She told her slowly. “Pansy?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. “I thought she might be seeing someone, so that makes since now.”  
  
"I really thought you would have a bigger reaction than that." She stated, staring at him confused.   
  
"Hermione, nothing really surprises me anymore." He told her honestly with a shrug.   
  
Hermione cleared her throat before continuing, “It was something that Malfoy said the other day. He said that after everything that happened, you would want peace.”  
  
“He said that did he?” He muttered, looking at the blond. “When did he start to look like that? Mr. Prim and Proper with piercings and tattoos.”  
  
Hermione giggled. “I’m not sure when it happened, but looks nice.” She said making Harry choke on his drink, turning red.  
  
Hermione laughed at the expression on his face. “Seamus and Dean are going to be there. They just came back from Ireland. Needed to get away. Luna also said that she will be able to come. I haven’t been able to get in touch with Neville though.” She nodded. “I have a place to have your party but if you aren’t up to see anyone, we can really not do it.” She assured him.  
  
“No, if everyone wants to meet… I haven’t seen Luna in so long, and Dean and Seamus.. I really want to see them.” He nodded.

* * *

  
The next day Harry was at his DIY Centre picking up somethings, being a little more self-conscious around the shop keep than he had been before. He heard low muttering as he picked out some stuff for his kitchen.  
  
“Merlin stripped pants I am putting the fucking bloody muggle money into the slot.” Draco fumed softly, the loud computer generated voice of the checking machine screaming at him about his purchase.  
  
Harry bit his lip, watching him as he struggled. The blond got so frustrated he started to hit the thing, cursing it out loudly. This brought the shop keep over yelling at Draco to stop it.  
  
“Zach, it’s fine, I’ve got it.” He said, popping out of his hiding spot as Draco rounded on the other.  
  
“What are you doing here?” Harry asked, taking the money from Draco and flattening it out. “ None of your business Potter.” He glared at Harry as the other placed the money in the slot and the checking machine went silent. It spit out his change and his receipt within seconds.  
  
He glanced at the receipt before putting it in the bag and handing it to the blond. “Why are you buying a spout?” He asked curiously.  
  
“Honestly I don’t know, Pansy said that our thing was broken and that I needed one to make food.” He frowned, looking down inside the bag.  
  
Harry bit his lip, trying to hold his smile back. “What exactly is broke?” He asked.  
  
“The muggle food thing, that produces fire and you cook on it.” He told him with a huff, as if Harry was a complete idiot.  
  
“And you needed a spout for that?” He asked, his whole body shaking with held in laughter.  
  
“Of course, weren’t you listening?” He snapped.  
  
“Malfoy, a spout is  for your sink.” He said, laughing a bit.  “It helps water come out. It has nothing to do with your stove.” He looked up at him with a smile.  
  
“Oh, fuck this bloody shit!” He yelled, throwing the bag at Harry, hitting him square in the chest. He stormed off without another word.  
  
Harry caught the bag. “Malfoy, wait!” He called after him with a sigh. When the other one didn’t turn back, he moved back to the checking machine and grabbed his change.  
  
He got Zach to help him return the part before he went back to pick out the part that Malfoy probably needed if his stove wasn’t working. He left the store after paying for the purchase, standing there biting his lip. He knew that Malfoy lived in Camden, but he didn’t really know where exactly.  
  
He kind of was glad that nothing had changed between him and Malfoy. The other didn’t tip toe around him, or act like he was pathetic. He didn’t even act like he owed Harry anything for what he had done at his trial. It was refreshing. Hermione was right, he had been the most lively then he had been in a while. Might have been that and the glimpses that he had caught of Malfoy, the king of composure, tripping up. Muggle life had been good to the other.  
  
Though, it seemed like the other kept seeking him out to say something, but didn’t go through with it in the end. Even though he had been trying to pull it out of him. He could see it in his eyes, the way they flickered, the way that he held himself back. He recognized the mask the other wore, because it was the same one that he wore for Andromeda and Hermione.  He also recognized the skittish movements the other did, because he had the same reactions to large crowds.  
  
He took his mobile out of his pocket, walking down the pavement as he texted Hermione to ask Pansy for Malfoy’s address.

* * *

  
  
Pansy was sitting with Draco in his room, the other smoking out of his window. He hadn’t said anything other than a short rant about how “Potter thinks he’s so bloody brilliant, the git.” and that Draco hadn’t gotten the part for the stove. After a bit of silence, she ordered them Chinese takeaway.  
  
“Are you ever going to tell me what happened?” She asked as her mobile went off.  Draco rolled his eyes. “I went to buy the stupid thing and Potter was there of all people, and was being a complete prat!” He growled.  
  
Pansy looked over her message before sitting up straight, eyes wide. “Well that’s not anything new.” She muttered, typing out the address for Granger to forward. This was actually working out a lot better than she thought it would back at the concert. Of course Draco had been extremely upset with her at first, but she had been able to pushed it off like none of it was her fault. After the garage, she had been able to get Andromeda to apologize about not remembering that she gave Potter the day off.  She was able to write off the café incident as she went with Ginny and Granger to it a few weeks ago and wanted Draco to try it. Apparently, Granger had the same idea with Potter, she told Draco with a chuckle.  
  
Draco was very suspicious of her still, but didn’t think that Pansy was able to do all of this by herself so he brushed it off. Not only did she have to worry about the Potter Plot, she had to worry about Chris. Draco had been pushing him away and she could tell that the other was getting a bit irritated by Draco’s push and pull. As much as Pansy had tried to break him of that Draco was still battling himself.  
  
It was his signature move. He would push and pull until he pushed the person to the point of not even wanting to bother with him anymore. He would let himself have what he wanted for a moment’s notice before his mind realized it, pulling back and doing what he thought other people expected of him. Mostly his parents. He would talk himself out of anything that brought him an ounce of happiness, feeling the compulsion to be this rigid model that his parents had cut out for him.  
  
Which was why they had dated for a few years before Draco had come out to her, in a strangled voice with retched sobs. She had known it for a while but she didn’t tell him that. She had talked him through it, offering to be his beard for the next few years while they were at Hogwarts. When his father started to ride him about producing an heir, Pansy had even promised to marry him in hopes that Lucius would either give up on the idea or die.  After the war, when they were given a second chance, Pansy refused to let him be like that anymore. Not many people were given second chances. Most of their friends were dead or in Azkaban, or just didn’t want to associate with them anymore. Draco was all she had left. Without him, she was alone in a world that hated her. Which was one of the reasons she had made amends with Ginny and Granger. Even though the war was over, her and Draco were still in survival mode. They were both trying everything and anything to keep from drowning. And over her dead body would she let her best friend drown. So she did the one thing she could, reaching out to the only person that could possibly understand what Draco was feeling. A deal with the devil. A calculated gamble. Anything to help him. Anything.  
  
She had noticed the push and pull when it came to Potter years and years ago. Most everyone else had seen it as bullying, but she saw what it really was. The internal battle had spilled out and manifested into snips and comments. Those were acceptable for his rigid box. Liking another boy had been taboo enough and had maybe been something they would have been able to work with. But Draco, a person that did nothing by halves by any means had attached himself to Harry bloody Potter.  Anyone else, it would have been simple, but Draco knew it was impossible from the start. Which made him lash out more and more as the years went on. It came to a head when Potter had used Sectumsempra spell on him. She had seen the scars. She had seen his face afterwards, he was completely shocked. Everyone had been. No one had thought Potter had been capable of using such dark arts. It had been easy to persuade Draco to drop his affection for Potter then, but apparently not enough because he had done everything in his power to help the other out.  
  
She jerked out of her thoughts when her mobile beeped again, Granger telling her that Potter would be there soon. Draco was going to kill her.

* * *

  
  
Harry had stopped to get something to snack on while he waited for the address and was eating chips when his mobile beeped. He read off the address before looking around. He wasn’t that far from it actually, nor did the other live far from himself. He shoved the rest of the chips into his mouth before replying that he would be there in a bit and headed off. When he arrived at Malfoy’s house, he spotted the other hanging out of his window, smoking. He stopped right before his garden gate, watching him.  He noticed how his lips held the cigarette by themselves, emitting small puffs of smoke. How he was staring off in the distance as if it held all the answers he was searching for. He licked his lips before shaking his head, hitching the shopping bag up higher on his shoulder.  
  
Pansy answered the door when he knocked, hiding halfway behind it. She eyed him warily, before jutting her head towards the bag. “Is that what he left?” She asked him. Harry nodded, dropping his head and holding out the bag. “I-“ He started to say but was interrupted. “His parents aren’t here, so you can… come in..” She said, a bit hesitant.  
  
He looked up at her. “I can fix it… If you want.” He offered as she took the bag. She opened the door, silently inviting him in. He ducked into the foyer, kicking off his trainers before walking towards the kitchen.  
  
Pansy shut the door, locking up before following him. She pointed to the stove, handing him the bag. “What happened to it?” He asked, opening it up. “Draco’s mother happened to it.” She muttered, crossing her arms.  
  
Harry bit his lip to hold in his laugh as he opened the bag, getting to work.

* * *

  
  
Harry had dismantled most of the stove, figuring out what was the problem by the time the takeaway arrived. Pansy called Draco down, sitting out two plates and opening containers. Draco came running down the stairs, dressed in nothing but boxers and a band shirt.  
  
“I got you rice with your noodles, I hope that is alright.” She told the blond. “As long as it isn’t meat, than it is fine.” He confirmed, moving to the table and looking inside different containers. He froze when he heard a loud bang and a muttered curse from the person halfway inside his stove.  
  
“Who Is in my stove?” He hissed at Pansy. The girl opened her mouth to reply but before she could Harry resurfaced. “She burnt up the wires at the terminal, but I can fix it.” He said to Pansy before turning to Malfoy.  
  
He let a small smirk cross his lips as he looked him over. “Nice pants.” He commented, making Draco’s face twinge a bit of pink. “This is my house, Potter. I can do whatever I want. Why are you here? We could have fixed it!” He spat at him.  
  
“I doubt that.” He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “You bought a spout.”  
  
Pansy coughed to cover up the laugh she couldn’t hold in. Draco’s head snapped to her. “Traitor.” He whispered to her. She broke down a bit, laughing softly. “You bought a spout..” She muttered, covering her face with her hands.

“If you are so smart, fix it then.” Draco hissed at Harry. “That was the plan. I wouldn’t want you to go without a stove.” Harry smirked. “Though, don’t let your mum touch it again..” He said, turning back to it, stripping the wires off and started to put the new ones on.  
  
“How did you get my address?” He asked, biting his lip as Harry’s shirt rode up a bit, showing off a scar. Pansy pulled out her mobile and started to text Granger, a smirk on her face.  
  
“Hermione had it.” He said, leaving Pansy completely out of it, which she was grateful for.  
  
Draco looked at her, giving her a death glare. “Wonder where she got it from?” He asked her. She busied herself with making her plate.  
  
_Oh she was so dead_ , he thought, imagining all the ways he could kill her without magic.  
  
“Who said you could come in my house? Maybe I didn’t want to fix it. What makes you think you are wanted? Why are you always around?” He growled.  
  
Harry stopped what he was doing, turning to him. “Me? You are the one that is stalking me.”  
  
“Stalking you?! That’s rich!” He yelled, scoffing at the other.  
  
“You’ve been at my work, my shop, my café  all while I was there!” Harry accused. “Seems like stalking to me.” He said his voice angry but his facial expression didn’t match his voice.  
  
Pansy watched him, curious as the dark haired man seem to take utter joy in pushing her best friend’s buttons.  
  
“You were the one stalking me! You’ve been completely obsessed with me!” Draco yelled, stepping closer to Harry in his anger.  
  
“I’m not obsessed with you! You wished I was!” He fired back.  
  
“No one likes you Potter! You are a waste of space!” He yelled in Harry’s face, breathing hard.  
  
That seem like the wrong thing to say. Pansy caught the immediate reaction. Potter had gone from proudly gloating Draco into arguing to almost a complete shutdown. It was like almost a Draco type of shutting down and pulling away. He just completely stopped.  
  
Draco caught it too the moment the words left his mouth. Potter’s eyes had gone big, his mouth slacked and he seem to not breath for almost a  minute afterwards. He pulled back, his eyes dropping to the floor and the cocky bit of arrogance that he had a second before was gone.  
  
Draco froze, knowing and recognizing the all too familiar feeling. He knew he had crossed some line. He just didn’t know how to bring himself back to the safe side. It was the same feeling he got whenever his father looked at him, or commented on his behavior or snidely scolded him for the silliest of things. Something that had been ingrained in Potter for years. A set of words that cut deep. Deeper than Draco had imagined.  
  
He took a step back, grabbing his food. “Just fix the blasted Muggle thing. Pansy will give you whatever you need.” He said lamely before running off up the stairs.  
  
Harry watched him go, confused before turning to the dark haired woman. She shrugged, grabbing her own food before following after the blond.  
  
_That was odd_ … He thought turning back to the stove.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a very long one for you guys. Thank you so much for the Kudos and comments. Please do continue to comment! 
> 
> I hope everyone liked this chapter. I worked really hard on it as it had a lot of elements to it. a lot of the tags come into play with this new chapter. I think the next chapter will either be right before harry's bday or harry's bday and then time skip another few weeks.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT MESSAGE: I am so sorry, it's been a while since I've updated. I was supposed to only be gone for four days for a end of spring break camping trip but ended up spending the entirety of my spring break in the hospital and on major pain meds because of kidney stones. I passed one but I still need to pass another. If I don't then I have to get another xray because then it might be a cyst. I'm off pain meds as of rn, so yay! I can write! I have been wanting to get this out for weeks now! It's been sitting on my laptop unfinished since like the 9th. 
> 
> I will try to get the next chapter up soon but I have a lot of catching up to do for school but after that I will get to writing it!
> 
> Next chapter will be the birthday party. Also another thing, if something or someone seems out of character, it usually has its reason and they will probably explain it as we go along. Those of you who are unfamiliar with my work, every detail has a reason behind it.
> 
> Hope you guys are doing well and you like this new chapter!!

  
Harry woke to loud screaming, scrambling to untangle himself from his soaking sheets. It took a moment for him to realize that the screaming had actually come from himself and no one else. He sat up slowly, his breathing fast and shallow. He wiped the sweat from his forehead, feeling that the wetness  had soaked into his fringe and probably the rest of his hair completely.  It had been the first time in weeks that he had made it to his bed, nor had drunk himself silly to fall asleep.  
  
It had been really late when he had finally finished fixing Malfoy’s stove. No one had come downstairs since the blond had stormed off. He had looked through their fridge before making a nice breakfast that the others could heat up in the morning. He left a list of instructions for the two on top of the Tupperware, before cleaning up and walking out. He made sure he locked the door behind him before rushing home.  Malfoy actually only lived a little over two miles from him, so it was a fairly easy and quick walk.  When he arrived home, he shrugged out of his jacket and past out in his bed without much help.  
  
He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his rapid breathing. One hand gripped his sheets as his othe hand gripped the wand underneath his pillow. He pulled it out, brandishing it with a shaking hand. “Lumos!” The light filled the room, and he made a sweep over all the shadows. When he was sure that he was alone, he slowly started to calm now slightly. “Nox.” He whispered, sitting his wand in front of him before rubbing his eyes.  
  
Once his eyes were closed, flashes of his nightmare came back. Tonks, Remus, Sirius, Fred… among the various others.  
  
_Sirius falling through the veil…._  
_Tonks and Remus on cots next to each other, never to see their son again….._  
_The glimpse of his mother…._  
_His father laying with unseeing eyes on the stairs…._  
_Ron sobbing over Fred’s lifeless body…._  
_Dobby dying in his arms…_  
_Dumbledore’s broken body…._  
_Screaming… just screaming…_  
_Fear…_  
  
He let out a scream, gripping his hair tightly, pulling it down in frustration as if it could block out the images. It was as if all the feelings that he had suppressing with the alcohol had come racing back with a vengeance.  
  
After a few moments, he let out a long sigh before grabbing his phone. He sent a text out to Hermione, noting that it was almost seven in the morning. He had at least maybe three hours of sleep then. He chucked his phone onto the bed before getting up and making his way to the kitchen. 

* * *

  
  
Draco woke up to the sound of Pansy in the shower. His parents were still gone, leaving him isolated in muggle Camden again. He went downstairs to the kitchen, finding a letter on the windowsill. He recognized the scrolling handwriting of his mother and opened it with a little more force than was necessary. He scanned it, frowning at the words before crumpling it up. They had gone to Scotland to stay with her cousin. Which he wasn’t so entirely sure that it was permittable in the lines of their probation, but he didn’t care. His mother had said it was for his father’s health and that the stress of all the muggle things were going to send her to St. Mungo’s. They would be back in two weeks’ time, permitting that their health had recovered. He threw the letter in the bin before walking over to the fridge. He blinked at the stacked Tupperware before pulling them out.  
  
He was still staring at the note when Pansy joined him. “What-“ She asked, looking over his shoulder before stopping in her tracks. “He made things?” She asked, hesitantly.  
  
“Apparently.” Draco said with a frown, removing the lid of the top Tupperware and staring at the contents suspiciously. “You’re eating it first.” He told her, taking off the note and following the diagram.  
  
“Excuse me,” She glared at him, a towel twisted up onto her head. “ You are going to eat something that you don’t know what is in it?” She asked, watching him as he popped it into the microwave,  pressing the buttons indicated in the note.  
  
“It’s the only breakfast we have.” He whispered to her, watching the container go around on the turn table.  
  
“What do you mean?” She asked.  
  
“Mother broke Parole and went to stay with her cousin in  Scotland.” He said evenly, even though his movements were jerky.  
  
“They just left you here?” She clarified, knowing what that meant, even though Draco wouldn’t tell her. They had left him without any food, or money, or any basic knowledge of how to fend for himself. Not to mention they broke parole, leaving Draco to pick up the pieces yet again.  
  
“I’m moving in.” She said sternly. Before Draco could object the microwave went off and he switched out the containers.  “But seriously, are you going to eat it?” She asked again, poking the container.  
  
“If I die then I die and I won’t have to worry about any of this.” He muttered, grabbing a fork and shoving food into his mouth.  
  
Pansy watched him for a few moments, still not sure. After nothing seem to happen to the other, she grabbed a fork and joined him.  
  
After a bit, he placed his fork down, giving a hollow chuckle. “They left me.. and I have Potter of all people making my breakfast.. And I thought it couldn’t get worse..” He sighed.  
  
“Your parents..” She said but Draco held up a hand to silence her. His face was furious as he got out the second container. He frowned, looking down at it. “I know someone who will help me.” The venom in his voice undeniable.  
  
“Feel free to move into the guest room.” He told her as he grabbed the container, walking off. 

* * *

  
  
It wasn’t long before green flames erupted from his fireplace in the kitchen. Harry sighed, turning but the person emerging was not who he expected.  
  
“Where’s Hermione?” He asked Ron. The other dusted himself off before looking up at him. “Oy, what kind of greeting is that?” He asked with a chuckle. “How have you been?”  
  
Harry shrugged. “I’ve been alright.” He muttered over his coffee.  
  
Ron walked over to his side, biting his lip. “I read your message… Hermione is busy with the birthday planning. Apparently the place that she was going to have it at canceled on her.”  
  
Harry nodded. “It’s nothing… I-“ He said thickly before swallowing hard. “I just… I just see them everywhere and I can’t do it anymore Ron..” He whispered, running his thumb over the warmth of his mug.  
  
Ron sat down next to him. “I know what you mean… George.. He dyed his hair… He said that he got tired of seeing him in the mirror every morning..”  
  
“I wished it was that simple for me…” He said, shaking his head. “I want to talk to you about something but I don’t want you to freak out about it. I just I can’t deal with any arguments right now.”  
  
“Sure Harry, what is it?” Ron asked concerned.  
  
“You have to remember that I know what I am doing and that I am of age and that like I said I don’t want arguments.” He told his coffee.  
  
“Yeah, Harry, you’re worrying me..” He frowned.  
  
“I.. have been talking to Malfoy..” He muttered.  
  
“Malfoy? Are you crazy?” He asked before catching himself. “Sorry, right, no arguments, forgot. But it’s Malfoy!” He said, crossing his arms.  
  
“Your sister has been hanging out with Parkinson.” He muttered, taking a sip of his coffee.  
  
“What?!” Ron nearly yelled.  
  
He rolled his eyes. “I am tired of playing _Us_  vs _Them._ ”  
  
“Yes, well “ _them_ ” tried to kill us at least a dozen times.” Ron huffed.  
  
“I’m inviting _them_ to my party.” He told the redhead, not wanting to get into it with him.  
  
“I won’t talk to _them_.” He said, disgusted.  
  
“You don’t have to. But do try to be civil. If you make a scene, both your sister and your girlfriend will kill you.” He told him.  
  
Ron thought it over and sighed. “Yeah, ‘mione is super serious about this party. It’s like it’s the most important thing in the world.”  
  
“I’m not sure why she is bothering actually.” Harry shrugged. “I don’t care really about it.” _Everyone will just treat me like glass…_  
  
“Just let her have her fun I guess…” Ron shrugged. Harry chuckled, placing his mug on the table. “How is the shop doing?” He asked, curious on how the joke shop was faring with George still in Romania.  
  
“Oh, it’s fine. It’s actually nice to work there. Gin comes and helps every once in a while, and I see pretty much everyone from school. They… ask about you sometimes, but I don’t really tell them much more than you are fine.” He shrugged, looking at the other.  
  
“Yeah, that’s me. Fine.” He said with a chuckle, but the fake smile didn’t reach his eyes.  
  
“Are you ever coming back?” __  
  
It didn’t take much to know what the red head was talking about. “Maybe.. I just want to be unnoticeable for a bit.”  
  
Ron looked around the kitchen, taking in the extreme changes as something to do. “You did a great job, with this.”  
  
Harry chuckled. “Had to do something. It was more for Sirius than for me, to tell you the truth. At first, I was just angry and then it sort of morphed into this challenge.” He chuckled, going into an in depth retelling of his first night at Grimmauld Place.  


* * *

  
  
“I’m surprised he hasn’t caught on to something being wrong. I mean I called Malfoy fit for Merlin sakes and he said nothing. Nothing!” Hermione frowned, crossing her legs under the café table. Pansy was sitting across from her, compact open and reapplying lipstick. “Are you serious?” She asked, eyeing her over the top of the compact.  
  
“As if I would find Malfoy fit,” She made a face, “No offense.” She added, picking her tea up and taking a large sip as if to wash the words out of her mouth. “I’ve done everything I could possibly think of, but nothing is working.”  
  
“None taken. Not everyone has good taste like me.” Pansy snapped her compact closed, putting it and the lipstick back into her purse. “Unlike The Boy Who is Oblivious, Draco knows I am doing something and has come close to figuring it out on more than one occasion.” She picked up her glass, taking a small sip leaving a lipstick print.  
  
“It’s like he doesn’t even register what is going on around him. Like he just isn’t there, and that scares me.” Hermione shifted, uncrossing her legs again. “I don’t know what to do.”  
  
Pansy pursed her lips as she sat the glass down. “I’m dealing with pretty much the same thing on my end.”  
  
Hermione pushed the sleeves of her shirt before reaching into her bag. Pansy caught a glimpse of  the scar on her arm, barely making out the word ‘ _mudblood_ ’ before she pointedly looked away. Her attention was brought back to the table when Hermione plopped a large folder down in between them.  
  
“What is that?” Pansy asked, staring at it with mild distaste. “It was the plans for Harry’s birthday party, but it’s not going to happen if I can’t figure out some things.” Hermione huffed, opening the folder.  
  
“What does that have to do with me?” Pansy purred, leaning over to look at the papers.  
  
“I was hoping, with the party, that Harry would realize that everyone is still there for him and that with it I would try to bring some normalcy back into our lives. We could also use it to bring the two together and maybe this time it might stick?” She drew out the last word into a question, biting her lip as she looked up at the dark haired woman.  
  
“What do you need?” She asked, lounging back in her chair and glancing at her phone. Draco had been gone for almost four hours.  
  
“I need a venue. I have nothing.” She shifted through some papers, blowing hair out of her way.  
  
“Have it at my place.” She smirked. “I can talk Draco into it. Especially after what happened this morning.” She muttered, mostly to herself.  
  
“What happened?” Hermione asked, looking up.  
  
“Nothing.” Pansy waved off the question. “I’m not doing it for you or Potter. I’m doing it for the last shred of hope that this awful plan of yours still works, because I don’t know about your end; but mine is doing down fast.” She frowned deeply, thinking about the note she had fished out of the bin after Draco had left.  
  
Though, technically, Draco’s parents weren’t breaking their parole. Or that was what the Auror she had seen had told her. They weren’t using magic, nor were they living in a magic community in Scotland, even though the cousin in question was a witch. She had ran into Granger there and begrudgingly accepted her invite to lunch. She didn’t mind Granger, _that much_ , but without the kitten it was kind of boring actually. Granger’s personality was as dry as a piece of toast. Even though the whole thing with Ginny was a bit of a weird thing in itself. After being shunned, ignored or just completely talked to with hurried fake politeness, it had been so refreshing to find someone that hadn’t given a bloody fuck what she said or how she came across to Pansy.  That brutal honestly had been the wake up call she had needed to get her own shit together, and in turn help Draco get his shit together before he turned in the looney case that was Potter.  
  
She froze, sitting up straight in a shot. Hermione stared at her, raising an eyebrow. “Pansy?” She asked, a bit worried. “I know what to do.” She said, reaching over and grabbing the first paper she saw, amidst protests from the other.  
  
“This address is where you are going to have the party. I will help decorate. There is a pool out back, so make sure you tell everyone. Just give me the date and time.” She said, jotting down something on the paper before shoving it back to Granger.  
  
“I don’t know if I should be relieved or scared.” Hermione said hesitantly, taking the paper back and looking at the addition. “Um… that’s Malfoy’s address…” She recalled, looking up at the other.  
  
“For once in your life, I’m going to have to ask you to do something I will never ask you again. Trust me, Granger. Just this once, and then you can go back to being suspicious of me. If this doesn’t work, than I am out of ideas and we are, pardon my language, royally fucked. And not in the way I usually like.” She stated.  
  
Hermione coughed, looking away from her as she went back to her papers. “Alright, I will go with whatever you have going.” She nodded, finishing off her tea before closing her folder. “Well that solves like everything actually. It’s going to be the  thirty-first, early afternoon.”  
  
“Can’t wait.” She purred, signaling for the check.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure everyone can see what Pansy is planning to do.... Who else could get under Harry Potter's skin like a Malfoy? XD


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope everyone is well. I spent over a week writing and editing this massive update for you. Over 12 pages and almost 6k words. I really wanted to get into the slow mindset of Draco and Harry again, but I also wanted to get Ginny's insight over all of this. I feel like Harry would really talk to her about things, which was what lead to the events in the beginning of the fic. I really hope you like it! Kudos and comments are appreciated!

  
  
Draco was sitting rather uneasily on the soft couch, a steaming mug of tea in front of him. He looked around the sitting room, taking in the vast amounts of muggle things around him. He saw photographs of what  he assumed was his cousin Nymphadora along with what must had been Andromeda’s husband. There was a large bookcase of muggle books that he was itching to investigate, but he stayed where he was. He looked down at his tea, shifting it a bit. She had been a bit startled when she saw him in her kitchen, thinking that he had been Potter.  
  
Finding out his cousin was Potter’s godson was extremely startling to him and she had rushed to make him some tea and offered him a seat on the couch. She had originally asked if he wanted something to eat but he told her about the stove and the breakfast that Potter had made for him and Pansy. She gave him a smile and went to tend to Teddy.  
  
He was pulled from his thoughts when Andromeda came back with a blue haired baby boy on her hip. She sat him down in his swing, letting the contraption lull the other to sleep. Draco took a long sip from his cup, watching her as she sat down in the chair to his right. “Are you alright?” She asked, worried.  
  
He gave a chuckle, putting down the cup before he spilt any liquid. “As well as one can be when your parents abandon you in a muggle house.” He said snidely.  
  
Andromeda nodded. “Yes, well, my sister can be a bit unthinking when it comes to the bigger picture.”  
  
He nodded, making sure that he sat with correct posture and on the edge so he didn’t leave an imprint. Andromeda gave him a knowing smile. “You can relax Draco, I have a toddler. Spilt tea and sofa impressions are the least of my worries.”  
  
Draco gave her a slight smile as he slowly moved back into his seat. “Is… Potter coming over here?” He asked hesitantly.  
  
She shook her head. “Not that I know of. His birthday is in, I think a day or so,  so he’s spending some time with friends. He invited me and Teddy, but I don’t know about going.” She chuckled.  
  
“Why not?” He asked curiously.  
  
“I think I’m just a little too old to be going to parties, and no one wants a toddler at their 18th birthday.” She shook her head. “That boy kills me sometimes with the things he does.”  
  
“Tell me about it.” Draco muttered under his breath, looking away but Andromeda caught it and smiled to herself.  
  
“Other than the stove incident, how is everything at home? You know you can stay here if you need to. I have a small apartment that you could use.” She offered, now that Harry had cleaned pretty much everything out of it. He had either taken it home or it was placed in her attic for safe keeping.

“Oh no. It’s fine, It’s just…” He bit his lip.  
  
“Go on Draco, no one is going to get mad or judge you here.” She said softly.  
  
“I don’t know how to do anything. Anything at all!” He burst out. The words just came rolling out and he couldn’t stop them. It was like projectile word vomit. All over her sitting room. “I mean, we have only  survived this far because of Pansy and her pretty much muggle girlfriend and their muggleborn best friend. And this contraption.” He said, holding up his phone. “I press the buttons and people bring me food. Or I send a message to Pansy and she brings me food. I have no discernible talents with muggle things. I don’t know what half of it does, nor do I really want to know. I don’t have any money as my vaults have been seized, I have little muggle money and the only muggle money that I have been getting is from Pansy, who, which by the way, is pretty much in the same boat as me, but hasn’t told anyone that her parents left her and moved to SPAIN!” He looked at her wide eyed and breathing heavily, shocked by what had come out of his mouth.  
  
Andromeda looked pretty shocked by the outburst as well but just smiled. “Are you finished?” She asked with a smile.  
  
“I think.. I am..” He nodded slowly, his eyes wide and a little terrified as well as shocked.  
  
“Okay.” She said slowly. “It’s okay, darling. I was the same way when I left home and met my husband.” She said fondly. Draco nodded, relaxing back into his seat.  
  
“It’s sort of a culture shock.” She went on, motioning for the boy to drink his tea. “First things first. Is your friend, Pansy was it? Is she alright?” She asked him still in the same soft voice. He reminded her of how Harry was the first time that he had visited her. Shaky, jumpy at every little thing. Uneasy and uncomfortable with the unfamiliar surroundings. Hermione was right about those two.  
  
“Yes, she’s fine as far as I can tell. She’s moving in with me. I know that it wouldn’t be much but I know that her parents are selling the house and mine is paid for, I think. So it was the only thing to do. She’s helped me so much. I just needed her.. there… you know?” He said, looking up at her as he reached for his cup.  
  
“I understand.” She said with a smile. “Alright, so you know how to use a phone, that’s good. I will give you my number so you can just call me if you need anything at all.” She said, going through his entire outburst. “It’s okay to not know how to do anything. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I will help you. And don’t worry about money, darling, if you need anything you just let me handle it. When is Cissy getting back?” She asked him.  
  
“Two weeks, maybe. She didn’t really give me a definite time.” He sighed, smiling at her softly. “Thank you.” He whispered softly. “I didn’t know who else to turn to.”  
  
“What about Harry?” She asked him.  
  
“Potter?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. “Why would I go to Potter?”  
  
“You said that he fixed your stove and made you breakfast, so I just assumed that you were close.” She said, faking ignorance on the subject.  
  
“No, we aren’t. At least I’m not so sure… It’s complicated.” He said, placing his cup back down as she nodded. “Alright.”  
  
“Just know my offer still stands, and don’t worry about anything. Things tend to have a way of working themselves out.” She smiled at him. He gave her a smile in return. “Thank you.”

* * *

  
  
Pansy was cleaning the house when he got back, laden with bags of food and prepared meals for them that Andromeda had fixed. She had given him instructions and taught him the basics of how to use the stove and microwave.  
  
“Where have you been?’ She asked him as she bagged up the trash and wiped down the counters.  
  
“Andromeda’s.” He said shortly. “I told her what happened and she helped us out.” He said, putting up the meals and the groceries.  
  
“That’s great.” Pansy gave him a smile. He looked at her suspiciously. “What is going on? Why are you cleaning?” He said the word with disgust.  
  
“Hear me out.” She said, raising her hands up as if to caution him.  
  
“Why do I have a feeling I’m going to feel like hurting you when you finish that sentence?” He asked with a groan.  
   
“I sort of promised Granger that we could have Potter’s birthday party here.” She said in a rush, clenching her eyes closed.  
  
He froze. “Repeat that, because I must have gone deaf because you couldn’t have possibly said what I think you just said.” He looked at her shocked.  
  
“Granger was having a problem trying to find a place to have his party. Potter had already invited us, so I thought it wouldn’t matter if we had the party here. Your parents aren’t here, it would be nice to see people again….and-“ She flittered around to find another reason to explain her decision.  
  
“So there are going to be a crowd of GRYFFINDORS in my house??!” He hissed at her. “What were you thinking Pans?!” He ran a hand through his hair. “What could have possibly went through your bitch of a brain to think that this was a good idea?!”  
  
She glared at him, before slowly crossing her arms. “Potter in swimming trunks.” She said slowly. “The thought that at any moment’s notice you could throw the lot of Gryffindors out on their arses.” She continued, raising a hand to examine her nails. “The thought that you have complete control over pretty much every aspect of this party. Possibly seeing Potter drunk. Potential Blackmail of same Gryffindors.” She listed off before Draco stopped her. “Okay, I get it. You can stop right there. Fine, I’ll do it. But it’ll be all out in the Garden and no one comes in the house.” He said pointedly to her. “And it’s your head if something happens.”  
  
“Understood.” She nodded, taking the trash out.   _That was too easy…_

* * *

  
  
Harry closed the journal he had been reading, and looked at the time on the display of his phone. He sighed heavily before getting up. His birthday party was in a bit and Hermione would be here soon to “show” him the way. Right now he was feeling that anything would be better than this party. Washing the floorboards, watching lint collect in the corner of his wash room. Visit his parents graves. _Anything_ could be better than this party.  
  
He showered taking his time before standing in front of his closet trying to decide what to wear. He settled on a pair of acid washed jeans and a tshirt before grabbing his swimming trunks.  He was just finishing his coffee in the kitchen when Hermione appeared out of his fireplace.  
  
“You look nice.” He said with a smirk, looking her up and down.  She wore a long maxi dress over her swim suit and gold sandals. Her bushy hair was wrapped up in a tight bun at the back of her head.  
  
She smiled at him. “Thank you. Happy Birthday Harry!” She said, flinging her arms out and hugging him tightly. The sudden movement and the sudden touching made him jump and jerk away on instinct.  
  
“Sorry..” He said, placing the empty mug down on the counter and looking away from her _. It starts…_  
  
“It’s okay Harry… I’m sorry, I forgot.” She said, biting her lip. “Come on!” She said with a smile, offering her hand. He gave her a fake smile, taking it after a bit.

* * *

  
  
Draco was standing in his kitchen, smoking a cigarette irritated as he waited for the oven to get done. He looked over the cookbook that he had gotten from Andromeda again, making sure that he had done everything. He bit his lip, looking over everything that was laid out on the counters. Pansy and Granger had helped him get everything. Drinks and ice, along with snacks and other things. Pansy had grabbed every bottle of liquor she could find from her house and brought it over. Granger seem to be hesitant about the addition but didn’t say anything.  
  
He had been talking to Andromeda over the last two days. There was just something about her that compelled him to tell her about everything. Well _almost_ everything. He had talked to her about the party yesterday and she seem to be very happy about it. She had even given him the cookbook when he talked about not knowing what to get Potter. He had been up since six that morning trying to get the bloody cake right. The first couple of tries hadn’t really worked and he was hoping this one did. He didn’t know why he was making such a big deal about this. It was _Potter’s_ birthday party. Not like it was his problem if something went wrong. It was just… the excitement from both Pansy and Granger had been contagious. He left the stove, grabbing a bottle of beer and walking out onto the patio. Pansy had hired Chris to play for the party and he was currently setting up near the pool house. Draco had been avoiding him as much as he could for the last week or two. He just didn’t want to deal with everything that came with him now that he had other things going on in his life.  
  
Draco spotted Pansy, lounging in a chair, wearing a tiny black bikini, large black sun hat and large designer shades. She was laughing at something… Ginny had said. The redhead was in a pair of swim shorts and a halter top. Across from them were Dean Thomas… and Seamus Finnigan . They were both in board shorts and drinking a beer each. Dean had an arm around Seamus’s shoulders possessively pulling him close. Talking with Longbottom next to Ginny was Luna Lovegood. She had a blue sparkling one piece on with an indian print wrap tied around her waist.  _Weasel wasn’t there yet thankfully_ , he sighed making sure he got everyone’s names right in his head.  
  
“Draco!” Pansy called, smiling at him as he walked over. “Finally joining us?” The small group turned and the reactions made him smirk. Seamus spat his beer out in shock as Dean coughed and shifted. Longbottom just looked shocked while Luna pulled her pink glasses up onto of her head and whistled softly.  
  
Draco was wearing a flannel long sleeve shirt over a black tank top and ripped black jeans. He was barefoot with a cigarette hanging between his lips. “Yeah, I’m done with everything basically.” He sat  down next to her, knocking ash off onto the stones before opening his beer.  
  
Everyone seemed reluctantly to continue the previous conversation. “Don’t stop on my account.” Draco said with a smirk. “I know I look fit but please try not to drool. Finnigan .” He pointed his cigarette at the other, making him turn red and Dean burst out in laughter. That seem to break the ice and everyone went back to talking.

* * *

  
  
“Hermione, what are we doing at Malfoy’s place?” Harry asked her. She just gave a devious looking smile before moving to the door and opening it. “Malfoy offered to have your party here because I can’t find a venue. Come on.” She said, pulling him through the threshold. They walked out back to find music playing loudly. Harry smiled at that. “Nirvana.” He said, looking around at everyone. “I know. Pansy was able to get a cover band for them!” Hermione said excitedly. “They will be playing in a bit after food.”  
  
Pansy was dancing with Ginny, laughing a bit as the other grinned. Neville was still talking with Luna as the other flittered around to the music. Dean and Seamus were grouped near the pool with Ron, talking about the shop and other things. He finally spotted Draco standing at the edge of the pool talking to a tall dark headed guy. The guy was standing really close to Draco, a hand playing with a loose strand of blond that had fallen over the other’s eyes.  Draco chuckled, flipping his hair out of his face before leaning close and whispering something to the other.  Harry frowned, feeling an odd feeling in his stomach as it tightened.  
  
“Harry, are you alright?” Hermione asked.  
  
He shook the feeling off and smiled. “Yeah..” He said, walking off to talk to Dean and Seamus.  
  
The other two were happy to see him and gave him a hug each. He stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. “How have you been?” Harry asked.  
  
Seamus smiled. “Great, we got a place near here. Nothing too fancy but it’s home.”  
  
Harry nodded, “Yeah, Hermione told me you guys went to Ireland for a bit.”  
  
“Went to see Seamus’ family. Nice to have a little break after…” Dean said but seem to falter at the end. “I can’t believe Malfoy did all of this.” He said, changing the subject.  
  
Harry nodded. “Hermione helped with most of it, but so did Parkinson.” He said, making Seamus and Ron snort.  
  
“Who is that guy Malfoy talking to?” Harry asked, looking over at the pair.  
  
“Oh, that’s Chris. One of Pansy and Draco’s friends.” Luna said as she drifted over, bringing Neville with her. Harry was now in the center of a very small circle. “Draco baked you a birthday cake.” She continued. “Pansy says it’s either chocolate or Angel food. She couldn’t remember.”  
  
Harry turned to her confused. “Why?”  
  
“It’s your birthday, Harry. Everyone should have cake on their birthday.” She smiled at him before grabbing his hand and pulling him over to where Pansy and Ginny were dancing. He felt so much better. With people crowding around him, looking up at him expectantly, a panic attack had started to rear it’s head and Luna had pulled him away just in time.  
  
He chuckled and started to dance with her, flittering around with his arms in the air just like her.  
  
“Hermione said that she had a hard time getting in touch with you.” He said as he helped twirl her.  
  
“Oh, yes, well I’ve been traveling. Finding new creatures and writing about them. I want to write a book about them.” She smiled.  
  
“That’s amazing Luna. I’m so happy for you.”  
  
She turned to face him. “What do you want to do?” She asked him. Harry took a moment, standing there thinking about it. “I don’t know what I want..” He finally said softly.  
  
“That’s alright. It’s never really about the destination, but the journey.” She giggled.  
  
He nodded, biting his lip.

* * *

  
  
Harry was down at the end of the pool floating with Luna next to him. He had been at the party for three hours and all he could think of was wanting to go home.  
  
He had done the singing, the food and the cake. Which was a nice cake. Chocolate with nice but thin frosting. It tasted good, though Pansy, him and Ginny were the only ones who ate any of it. Everyone else just stood there and stared at it as if it would sprout fangs and attack them. Malfoy stayed pretty much to himself, except when he was approached by Chris or Pansy. He seemed kind of lonely. The band was really good and he suppose he should  thank the singer.  
  
Everyone, as he had predicted, had been treating him like glass. Dean had been the first one to do it. Cutting off sentences, pitiful eyes and sympathetic pats on his shoulder. No one spoke of the war or anything heavy, as if trying to make sure everything stayed light and fluffy. As if he was fragile and would break at any second. He hated it.  
  
Every time Draco had come around, he had tried to gloat him into an argument but it was like nothing bothered him. And that was what was starting to piss him off.  
  
Draco had walked over to the edge of the pool, sticking his foot into the water and splashing a bit. Harry stood up , swimming over to him. “Why don’t you swim?” He asked the blond, holding onto the side as he floated there.  
  
Draco scoffed. “Why would I want to swim? Especially with all these people.” He frowned, dipping the other foot into the water.  
  
“Then why are you here?” Harry asked him.  
  
“Because Pansy wanted to impress her little girlfriend, so she begged me to have this stupid party here.”  
  
“Are you sure? Because Hermione told me another story.” He frowned up at him.  
  
“Of course Granger would told you something different.” He said, his voice becoming louder and gaining the attention of everyone. Luna moved over to where they were, biting her lip.  
  
“The only reason I have a bunch of Gryffindors in my garden is because Pansy asked me to. It’s not like I want seven people that talk behind my back and can’t even get the broomstick up their arses out long enough to eat cake at their friend’s birthday party. ” He turned on his heel to leave but Harry jumped up and grabbed a hold of his flannel, pulling him backwards into the pool. Luna covered her mouth in shock, standing there looking at where Draco had fallen. Pansy slowly lowered her sunglasses, mouth open in shock. The only one that moved was Chris, who had hurried over to make sure Draco was alright.  
  
Harry was standing there with a shit eating grin on his face when Draco slowly resurfaced, looking like a drowned rat. He shrugged off his soaking wet flannel shirt before turning to glare at Harry. “POTTER!” He screamed before lunging at him. “Oh fuck!” Harry said, trying to get away but Draco jumped him from behind and shoved him underwater. Harry resurfaced but was only grabbed again by the blond.  
  
Luna was moving around trying to help but didn’t really know what to do as the two wrestled.  
  
“I’M GOING TO DROWN YOU, YOU LITTLE SHIT!” Draco screamed, shoving Harry underwater again. At this Ron and  Dean hurried over to the side of the pool. They froze next to Chris when Harry resurfaced, laughing hysterically. Draco held him up with his arm around his throat. Harry just let out the most honest and wholesome sounding laughter anyone had heard from him.  
  
Draco gave a chuckle, shoving the other away from him. “You are really damaged Potter.” He said, shaking his head but couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation.  
  
“I know.” Harry said, splashing him. “Sod off, prat!” Draco yelled, splashing him back. “You better be glad Pansy has my mobile or you would be dead.”  
  
Harry moved, pulling himself out of the pool. He leaned down, offering the blond his hand. “Come on.” Draco raised an eyebrow, reaching out with his left hand without thinking. The skin in the middle of his tattoo was red and puckered as if irritated from a cut or some kind of injury. Harry’s eyes flickered to it a second before Draco smirked, taking Harry’s hand and yanking him back into the water. He pulled himself up out of the pool, wringing the water out of his tank before heading back inside.  
  
Pansy turned to Hermione and smirked, giving her a knowing smile. Hermione looked completely shocked and stared at Pansy. “Was that your plan? To have them try to kill each other?” She hissed.  
  
“What have you two been scheming?” Ginny asked from Pansy’s other side.  
  
 “Oh nothing kitten.” She said, dismissing the question. Ginny frowned, grabbing the clasp on the front of her bikini top and yanked Pansy back towards her.  
  
Both Hermione and Pansy stared at her. Hermione’s expression was one of shock, her eyebrows receding up into her fringe. Pansy on the other hand didn’t look shocked, just more hesitant.  
  
“What is going on?” Ginny asked again, not letting go of the clasp as she stared at Pansy, her eye contact with the dark haired woman never wavering. Pansy bit her lip, pulling her sunglasses off in defeat. “Granger and me wanted to try to get Potter and Draco together so that maybe they could work out whatever it is that they have going on since they both know how the other feels.” Pansy muttered to the redhead, the intense gaze she was getting making her a bit nervous.  
  
Ginny opened her mouth to say something, but then stopped to give her a look before turning to Hermione who just shrugged. “It seemed like a good idea at the time considering that Harry hasn’t talked to anyone in weeks and you saw how he was when we visited him the other day.” Hermione explained, looking worried.  
  
Ginny seem to get even more irritated at that. Pansy swore the small redhead was about to combust. “Why does everyone forget about me??! I mean Harry, you, _my brother_! Does no one remember that I know what it is like as well? Does no one remember, oh let’s say, _the chamber of secrets_??” She hissed, more at Hermione than Pansy at this point. “I mean I know Harry is a wanker and forgets sometimes and my brother has the attention span of a goldfish, but at least _you_ should remember that. We all have issues from the war. Draco and Harry aren’t the only ones.” She sighed, before realizing that she was actually touching Pansy’s cleavage and let go real quickly. “Sorry..” She said, biting her lip.  
  
Pansy chuckled. “No problem.” She smirked. “I didn’t mind. It’s nice to be manhandled every once in a while.”  
  
Ginny smiled, shaking her head a bit. “Harry is going through a lot of shit. We talked about some of it after the trial, the night he came to the Burrow.” She told Hermione. “He’s just tired and scared. He just wants to be left alone. The kind of alone that isn’t alone though, because being alone with your thoughts is dangerous. I should know that. And I.. I wasn’t the right person for that.. for him. I knew that, even before the battle, but more so after. I couldn’t be the person he needed. Because I couldn’t be anything but gentle with him, because I cared too much.” She sighed. “We all need that special something or someone to help heal. He wasn’t mine and I wasn’t his.”  
  
Hermione nodded. “Maybe we have been going about this the wrong way?” She said to Pansy, looking guilty and worried.  
  
Pansy scoffed. “The Almighty Granger, admitting she was wrong?” She chuckled. “No, we have done everything right. Draco is possibly the most stubborn person in the world and Potter is just oblivious to everything in the world.” She shrugged it off.  
  
“Harry isn’t oblivious.” Ginny said with a chuckle.  
  
Both Hermione and Pansy looked at her like she was mental.” Are you serious right now?” Pansy asked her.  
  
Ginny just smiled softly as if she knew this big secret. “If you see something but don’t acknowledge it, than no one realizes you were there and you can just pretend not to exist.” She said, turning to stare at Hermione pointedly. Hermione’s breath caught and she nodded slowly, understanding what the other meant. Pansy eyed them confused but let it go.  
  
“Harry knows more than he lets on, just so you know. You really don’t have to work that hard to make him really acknowledge what you want him to. A soft nudge in the right direction should do it. By the way that everything just went down, that was more of a violent shove.” Ginny laughed.  
  
Pansy gave a chuckle and Hermione seemed to relax a bit. “Draco and Potter are more fitted for each other than I thought.” She shook her head. “Thanks Kitten.” She leaned over, giving Ginny a kiss on the cheek before putting her sunglasses back on. Ginny turned a bit red, looking away. She watched as Harry pulled himself out of the pool, wringing out Draco’s flannel shirt before making his way back into the house.  
  
“I know that he might not ever be happy,” She whispered to them, “but I do want him to not be hurting anymore.”  
  
Pansy smiled. “Welcome to the Potter Plot.”  
  
“Please tell me that is _not_ what you are calling it.” She rolled her eyes.

* * *

  
  
Draco leaned over the kitchen sink, waiting for the water to turn warm, biting his lip against the stinging pain from another botched attempt to remove the mark from his arm. It was one of the reasons why he hadn’t gotten into the pool at all. The chlorine stung worse than anything he had ever felt in his life. He was leaning over the sink when he heard the sliding glass door open and close.  
  
“Not now Pansy.” He hissed, running his arm slowly under the water. The lack of the sound of heels made him freeze as the person walked over to him. “Sorry not Parkinson.” Harry said, placing the shirt on the counter beside the sink, standing back.  
  
“Go away Potter.” He hissed, annoyed. Harry stood there, biting his lip and rocking back and forth on his heels wanting to do something but holding back. Draco turned to look at him. “What do you want?” He snapped. Harry seem to take that as an open invitation to move. He grabbed a clean dishrag and shoved it under the tap.  
  
Draco glared at him, trying to hide his arm but before he could, Harry grabbed his wrist. He placed the rag over the wound holding it down in place. Draco hissed, glaring up at the other. “What the bloody hell do you think you are doing?”  
  
“The chlorine is killing the germs in your cut. It’s not anything to worry about. Just hurts.” He explained.

“How do you know?” Draco asked, hearing the door open again. He knew it was Pansy this time so he didn’t bother looking up.  
  
“Experience.” He said with a frown, one hand holding the blond’s wrist straight while the other gently but firmly held the cloth onto the wound.  
  
Draco hoffed. “Is this going to take long?” He asked, irritated.  
  
Harry rolled his eyes, “Shut it Malfoy.” He chuckled. The blond stood there, his eyes locked on the other’s fingers on his arm. Harry’s thumb was slowly rubbing right over the dark mark without flinching or any signs of disgust or hesitation. Draco took a sharp intake of breath, pushing down those feelings before clearing his throat.  
  
“Are we done here?” He asked, his voice flat but spiking a bit at the end. Harry nodded.  
  
 “I could…” Harry begin to say but the blond cut him off. “I can’t.” He wished he could just use magic to make the pain go away.  
  
Harry nodded, understanding. “Just put some antiseptic on it and it should be fine.” He said, taking the rag off and letting the other go.  
  
“Whatever.” Draco nodded, looking up. Chris was standing there, staring at the two with a slight frown. Draco’s expression instantly turned blank and he pulled away from Harry.  
  
Harry turned and looked at Chris. “Hi.” He moved over to him.  
  
“Hi, I’m Chris.” He said, holding out his hand for Harry to shake. Harry bit his lip, placing his hands behind his back so he wouldn’t have to touch him. “Harry.” He said, moving around him and walking back outside.  
  
Draco couldn’t keep the chuckle in at how Potter had side stepped him and refused his handshake. Chris walked over to the blond. “I would ask if you were alright but it looked like Harry had you taken care of.” He said, a note of jealousy in his voice.  
  
Draco rolled his eyes at that, moving back to the sink and turning off the water. “You don’t know what you are talking about.”  
  
“So that’s the complication.” He said, nodding as Draco covered up his arm as he moved to go upstairs. “Does he know that you like him?” Chris asked again.  
  
“Leave.” Draco hissed. “You don’t know what you are talking about, so pack up and leave.” He shoved him towards the door. “You do not want to get on my bad side.”  
  
Chris held his hands up in surrender, bowing his head. “I’m sorry.” He turned and walked out of the door. Draco let out a shaky breath before hurrying upstairs to change.

* * *

  
  
The party went on for another couple of hours but Draco didn’t return. Pansy had gone to check on him a few times, coming back and assuring them that he was fine. Harry resisted the urge to go in and check on him, getting a threatening look from Pansy every time he had eyed the door. He remembered the shocked look that the blond had when he had touched his dark mark. He wasn’t disgusted by the mark. It held no power anymore. There wasn’t any reason to fear it. It was just a mark. Useless now, just like the scar on his forehead.  
  
“Harry.. are you okay?” Ginny asked him, sitting down next to him on the side of the pool.  
  
“Yeah, just really drunk.” He chuckled, staring down into his cup. “Do you think things will ever change?” He asked her out of the blue.  
  
“What do you mean?” She asked. “Well you and Parkinson are getting along  and everyone else seems to be doing fine, but I’m… I’m not…”

“Looks can be deceiving.” She told him with a smile. “Also you can’t compare yourself to someone else. It takes time to be okay…”  
  
He nodded. “That’s what Andromeda said.”  
  
“You should listen to her.” Ginny chuckled.  
  
“I appreciate the party and everything… but it just made me depressed… Don’t tell Hermione..”  He said downing the rest of his beer.  
  
“I won’t.” She promised him, a bit worried.  
  
 “I’m going to go home…” He whispered after a long silence, getting up from his spot. He threw his cup in the trash before grabbing his shoes. He slipped them on, grabbing his wallet and phone from the table and walking out.  
  
Ginny sighed, watching him go.  

* * *

  
  
The shop keep in the liquor store gave him a weird look when he staggered in and bought his usual supply of rum and bourbon but didn’t say anything as they rung Harry up. He staggered back to his home, locking up behind himself before opening the bottle of rum. He had half the bottle gone by the time he fell into his bed, passing out in nothing but his swim suit and trainers.  
  
His dreams that night were filled with dark marks. His fingertips slowly running over soft but scarred skin. Colorful flowers blooming as he made a pathway….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone liked it! We are only that much closer to hogwarts letters!!
> 
> Come stop by and chat with me!
> 
> Tumblr: skylarhaven.tumblr.com
> 
> Instagram: havenskyward13 (if you do follow me here, send me a DM with your username so I can add you.)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It starts off during the hours that Draco went missing at the party and continues till long after the party is over. PLEASE READ THE NOTES FOR WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning part, like the first three paragraphs, of this chapter is pretty heavy. It deals with a lot of stuff. There are mentions of self-harm. The act of self harm is fully detailed. Draco has an episode where he dissociates. Please read with this in mind. This story is rated Mature for a reason and has been tagged as such for this and other chapters.
> 
> I really love this chapter and I hope you guys do too! More Deamus among other things!

 “Draco.. Are you going to come out soon?” Pansy asked knocking on the door hesitantly. There wasn’t an answer. She bit her lip, moving from the door slightly and going back to her room.  
  
Draco ignored her as he stood underneath the scolding water, breathing deeply. He closed his eyes, running his hands through his hair before grabbing a scrub brush. He lathered it before bringing the brush down and scrubbing as hard as he could over his forearm. He opened his eyes, making sure that he didn’t mess up his tattoo. He scrubbed until soap started to turn pink. He barely flinched when he placed it underneath the water, washing all the soap from the wound. He watched it slowly bubble up with blood again before rinsing it off again.  
  
He ran the scrub brush under the water before starting to scrub himself completely raw. He didn’t stop until his fingers started to hurt. He rinsed off slowly, turning off the water before slipping down and crumpling on the floor of the shower. He sat there staring at  nothing and everything. He didn’t feel anything. He should feel something, considering his arm was bleeding. He didn’t know how long it had been. He just sat there until he heard Pansy yell through the door again. She finally banged open the door after a few tries.  
  
She stood there for a moment before running over to him. “Darling…” She whispered, kneeling down and drying him off. Draco sat there still just staring at nothing and everything. It was like he wasn’t aware of anything happening to him and this scared her more than anything else in the world.

* * *

  
  
When Draco finally registered the world around him again, he was sitting in his bed clad in a band shirt and sweats. He was curled up into himself in the middle of the bed with his hair still wet. He was about to get up when Pansy walked back into the room carrying an armful of clothing.

“What happened?” He asked her, clearing his throat. She walked over, sitting next to him on the bed. “I’m not sure… you were just gone. You weren’t there at all.” She told him. He nodded, reaching over and grabbing the clothing out of her arms. “These aren’t mine.”  
  
She chuckled. “Potter left them here. Ginny said that he was so drunk he walked home in swim shorts and trainers.”  
  
Draco nodded, pulling the clothing into his lap and holding up the shirt. “At least he has good taste in music.” He muttered, laying the shirt across his lap. “I think I might spend a few nights at Andromeda’s. Will you be okay with that?” He asked her.  
  
“Of course.” She nodded. “I’m going with Ginny to see a movie tomorrow.”  
  
Draco smirked. “Oh a date.” He laughed and she smiled, reaching over and giving him a hug. “Don’t you ever fucking do that to me again.”  
  
“I’ll try.” He huffed, but hugged her back. “I’m going to get some sleep.” He told her before letting go. “Alright. I’ll be in my bedroom if you need me.” She gave him a peck on top of his head before getting up and walking out.  
  
Draco looked down at the shirt, running his fingertips over the fabric. He laid down on his side, pulling the shirt up to his chest and burying his face into it. He inhaled deeply smelling a rich mixture of rum, grass and body spray.

* * *

  
  
The day after the party, Harry woke up with a massive hangover. He remembered everything, just not really how he had gotten home or into his bed. He didn’t remember where he left his cloths either. He got dressed and went to visit the Burrow. George was coming home and he had really wanted to see him again after so long.  
  
He arrived at the Burrow just as something came whizzing pass his head. “I WILL NOT RON!” Ginny yelled as another shoe came flying past him.  
  
“What is going on?” He asked George who he spotted leaning against the counter in the kitchen. He dodged a few more things before coming to a stop next to him. The former redhead looked great. Still tall and lanky, but he had died his hair a sandy dirty blond and was a crisp golden tan.  
  
“From what I have overheard, apparently our sister is dating a questionable Slytherin and Ron doesn’t even realize it.” George chuckled over the rim of his mug.  
  
“Yeah, Parkinson.” He shrugged, making himself a cup of coffee.  
  
George stood up straighter. “That’s new.” He said, smirking. “Makes sense now.”  
  
“I didn’t think it was a secret.” Harry said, fixing his cup before leaning opposite of him. “I’ve known for weeks. Parkinson is alright… I mean, we haven’t talked at any length but I’ve seen her around Ginny and she’s nice.” Harry turned looking over at Ginny and Ron, having a domestic in the sitting room.  
  
“Where is everyone else?”  
  
“Mum is out shopping, along with Dad. Charlie is out with Oliver, I think they are doing one of their not date things. Bill is at home with Fleur. She hasn’t really been feeling well lately. Mum’s got it in her head that she’s pregnant and Fleur is hiding from her.” George explained, smirking. “I’m too young to be an uncle.”  
Harry chuckled, choking a bit on his coffee. “I’m already Uncle Harry so that ship has already sailed.”  
  
“How is Teddy, by the way?” George asked.  
  
“He’s great. Smart and spoiled.” Harry grinned. “Has me and Andromeda wrapped around his little finger.”  
  
George laughed. “I bet.”  
  
“So what brought this row on?” Harry asked, motioning to Ginny and Ron. “I assume it must have been something that happened at your party. Sorry for not being there by the way. I heard that it was quite interesting.” He smirked.  
  
Harry felt his face flush a bit at that. “No, not really. We had cake and everyone got drunk. Traditional 18th birthday party stuff.” Harry shrugged.  
  
“Ginny is going out with Parkinson to the movies. Ron doesn’t get that it is a date and has since kept saying that he has to tag along to keep an eye on her friend. Also Ginny should not be friends with Slytherins. You can imagine the rest.”  
  
“Yeah, I can. I think Ron might have an aneurism when he finds out that his sister isn’t friends with a Slytherin but dating one. “ Harry laughed.  
  
“5 galleons he doesn’t get it and continues to piss of Ginny.” George said with a smirk.  
  
“I’ll raise that bet to 10 galleons that he finally figures it out and faints.” Harry grinned, holding out his hand. George took it, shaking on the bet. “Missed you Harry.”   
  
“Missed you too. Things have been weird lately.” He told him as Ginny entered the kitchen. She gave him a peck on the cheek before grabbing a mug.  
  
“Wouldn’t your girlfriend get jealous if you keep doing that?” Harry asked her smugly. She blushed. “No, because it doesn’t mean that.”  
  
Harry smiled at her. “Do you happen to know where I left my clothes at last night?” He asked her.  
  
“Is that why you are here?” She asked with a laugh.  
  
“No, I’m here to see George, but I thought I would ask since the last thing I kind of remember is talking to you.”  
  
She turned, looking him up and down. “They are at Malfoy’s house.” She leaned against the counter. George straightened up, interested in this turn of events.

Harry opened his mouth to say something but closed it when Ron came barging in.    
  
“I don’t want to hear it Ronald.” Ginny said with a frown. “Frankly, I don’t want to hear it either.” Harry muttered, making Ron blinked. “When did you get here?”  
  
Harry grinned. “Oy, what kind of greeting is that?” He smirked, throwing Ron’s words from the other day back at him playfully. Ron laughed. “How are you?”  
  
“Okay.” He shrugged. “Are you done with torturing your sister?”  
  
“He better be.” Ginny growled, glaring at him.  
  
“Ginny I’m just-“ He started but Harry interrupted him. “What does it matter Ron? Like seriously? Why does it matter? It could be worse. Pansy isn’t that bad. Actually she’s quite nice. She made a mistake. Everyone’s made a mistake. Just like that time when you stringed Lavender along when you actually was gagging for Hermione.” He said, making George choke on his drink while Ginny burst into giggles.  
  
Ron stared at him, gaping like a fish before closing his mouth and scratching the back of his neck. “Alright..”  
  
“I’m so happy you are back.” George laughed, pulling Harry into a hug. He tensed up for a moment before hugging the other back tightly. “Same here. I missed you.”  
  
George let him go, turning and placing his empty mug into the sink. “So how has the shop been?” He asked.  
  
“Ummm… Haven’t really been over there. Been kind of avoiding Wizarding London..” Harry whispered. George looked back at him before nodding, understanding what the other meant. Harry looked away. “Sorry…”  
  
“Don’t be. Probably for the best. Looks like it did you some good.” George gave him a smile. “Now, someone better tell me about this party at Malfoy’s.”  
  
Ginny smirked, launching into a detailed account for her brother.

* * *

  
  
Harry spent the next two days in and out of the Burrow. He spent time with Charlie and Oliver, talking about Romania and playing quidditch out in the yard. He spent time just talking with George, laughing and testing out new magic products. These little individual hangouts helped ease his anxiety a bit.  
  
Ginny had been acting a bit strange since her date with Pansy, looking at him strangely as if she wanted to tell him something, but couldn’t. Every time he asked her about it, she changed the subject but still looked extremely worried. Ron hadn’t been that bad since both he and Hermione had shut him down. He even seem to be warming up to the idea that Ginny was with Pansy though he still thought they were friends. The subject never really came up until Dean and Seamus invited him, George, Ginny, Ron and Hermione out for drinks that second day. Harry had been hesitant about accepting, but George talked him into it with a convoluted escape plan if he needed it.  
  
They all filed into the muggle bar, crowding the small booth in the corner. George on the outside, Harry next to him. Dean in the corner with Seamus smushed next to him with Ginny, Ron and Hermione on the other side.  
  
Dean and Seamus were arguing about what to get while Ginny smirked at them. “So Harry, how are you feeling? You left the party pretty early and really pissed.” Seamus laughed.  
  
“Yeah, wasn’t really feeling it after a bit.” Harry said as George started laughing. “I still can’t believe all of that happened. In Malfoy’s house of all places.”  
  
“We couldn’t either.” Dean said with a laugh.  
  
“And the way he looks now…” Seamus trailed off, shaking his head. “Oh, I think everyone knows how you feel about the way he looks.” Dean teased, making the other turn red a bit. “Shut it.”  
  
“What do you mean the way he looks?” George asked, laughing as Dean nudged Seamus smirking. The other frowned, leaning away from him. Dean leaned forward, wrapping an arm around him before hauling him into his lap. Seamus huffed, his frown deepening. Dean leaned close, whispering into his ear before Seamus smiled and gave him a quick peck.  
  
“Dyed hair, piercings, tattoos and muggle clothing.” Harry answered George before turning to the couple in front of him. “When did this happen?” He asked, shocked.  
  
Seamus laughed. “Officially, during the Battle.” He said before Dean kicked him under the table. He missed completely, hitting Harry instead.  
  
“Ow.” He hissed, glaring at them.  Dean sunk behind his boyfriend guiltily.  
  
“Ron and Hermione aren’t the only ones with a kiss before Battle story.” Seamus smiled at Dean.  
  
“Before that can we get back to Malfoy with tattoos and muggle clothing?” George asked, shocked. “Because I can’t even picture that at all.”  
  
Harry took his mobile out of his pocket and brought up a photo he had snapped at the party. He handed it over to George. He took it, staring at the image. “That is really freaky.” He said before handing it back.  
  
Harry chuckled before looking back at the picture. He scrolled up, making it his lock screen before locking his phone. “Okay, tell me this story and I’ll buy drinks.”  
  
There was a collective cheer before Dean and Seamus started. “I’m not sure when exactly it was but I think it might have been around the time Aberfoth arrived and we stopped the dementors from entering the school. We all ran back inside and scattered. I started up the staircase to help you.” Seamus said, motioning to Harry, who nodded. “We argued a bit, yelling at each other because we were scared and didn’t know what to do. I turned to go up the stairs and he grabbed my arm.”  
  
Dean smiled, wrapping his arm tighter around Seamus’s waist. “I just couldn’t leave it like that.” He said, taking over the story. “He was so confused and just wanting to help, but I couldn’t let him go. I pulled him close and took hold of his face.  I said, ‘If one of us dies in this war, I would regret never doing this. Never feeling this way ever again.’ And I kissed him.”  
  
Seamus smiled. “Bloody right shock, I was in.” He said with a shake of his head. “Went weak at the knees and nearly fell over, bastard.” He said fondly. “It was the best snog of my life.” He concluded.  
  
Harry smiled. “That sounds amazing.”  
  
“What about you, Ginny?” Seamus asked her as their drinks arrived. “What about me?” She asked him, passing the drinks along the table. “You and Parkinson. When did that happen?”  
  
Ginny looked up to say something but was interrupted by Ron doing a spit take. “WHAT?” He yelled, turning pale and looking like he was going to faint.  
  
Harry smirked. “Pay up, George!” The sandy blond grumbled as he pulled five galleons from his pocket and handed it over. “You guys bet on this?” Ginny asked, staring at them in disbelief.  
  
“Of course.” Harry gave her a smile. She rolled her eyes before taking a long sip of her drink. “ A little bit after the battle, maybe a few weeks after.” She said, resting her cheek on her hand as if bored. “I ran into her at this takeaway restaurant. We got into a row and then after getting kicked out by a tiny Korean man yelling ‘I’m kick your ass,’ we saw how stupid it was and worked some things out.”  
  
Dean and Seamus burst out laughing. “So that’s why we can’t go back to Kimchee To Go.” Hermione said with a frown. “I really liked that place.”  
  
“Bloody hell Ginny. Why Parkinson?” Ron asked her. Ginny glared at him. “What is wrong with Pansy? She’s nice,” Ron snorted at this, “ She treats me like a princess, and she hasn’t once pushed anything on me.” She growled. “Actually, we aren’t even dating. She hasn’t asked me out.”  
  
Seamus bit his lip. “Been there. It sucks.” He said as Dean protested. “You had plenty of opportunities to ask me out.” Seamus frowned. “So did you. Bloody hell Dean, the signals couldn’t have been any more clearer.”  
  
Ginny and Hermione started to giggle at that. “He’s not lying.” Ginny said with a smirk. “Apparently I can’t win this.” Dean said before sitting back in defeat.  
  
“What about you Harry?” Seamus asked. Harry looked up from his drink. “What about me?”  
  
“Do you have someone?” He asked before Dean shushed him. “You can’t believe everything in the papers.”  
  
“No, I don’t. I don’t even like anyone.” Harry said with a shrug. “It’s alright Harry.” Hermione said with a pitying smile, placing her hand on his. He pulled his hand away and placed them both under the table in his lap. He saw Dean and Seamus giving him the same look. “I’m fine.” He told them. It wasn’t that far from the truth. He was fine in that department. His love life was something that wasn’t even on the list of things he worried about. He didn’t really have a good track record to start with. He had liked Cho, and Ginny… And had liked Luna for a while, but that turned into a more of a friend thing. He really didn’t know where he stood on the dating thing. He didn’t think he could be comfortable around another person to even consider dating.  
  
“Really..” He said, turning to George. He pleaded for the other to know what to do. George took the hint and distracted everyone by spilling his beer all over the table, letting Harry disappear behind him.

* * *

  
  
When he got home, he couldn’t really stay still. The quiet was unbearable. He checked the time on his mobile. It was late but wasn’t too late. Andromeda wouldn’t mind if he stopped by. He missed Teddy and hadn’t seen him or her in days.  
  
When he arrived at Andromeda’s, all the lights where off except for one in the sitting room. He walked over to the doorway but stopped short when he heard a soft voice singing. He held his breath, peeking in and seeing Draco holding Teddy close to his chest, rocking him back and forth and singing.  
  
“*Sleep little baby, try not squawk. Tomorrow and tomorrow you’ll learn how to walk. To love and laugh, to toddle and talk, but for now beddy-byes.” He sang in a frustrated, lofty voice that Harry recognized from school.  He bit his lip to keep from laughing before inching closer and watching the blond.  
  
“Your blanket’s hand knitted with pure angora wool, your nappy is dry and your tummy is full of enough antihistamine to chill out a bull, yet still all this _gringing._ ” He hissed before taking a breath, in which Teddy started to fuss again. He shifted the baby before continuing. “What more could you want for? I just cannot guess, you constantly complain to me; you should feel blessed. There are children in Africa starving to death and you don’t hear them _whinging.”_ He hissed as Teddy started to cry again. Draco groaned, letting out a frustrated breath.  
  
“What more can I do to put a stop to this mind numbing noise you are making?” He sang, nuzzling the child. “I don’t know what else I can do to try to hush you. My heart says ‘I love you’ but my brain is thinking ‘fuck you.’  And hoping a child trafficker will abduct you at least then I’ll get a few hours in bed.” He sang almost pleading as Teddy wailed.  
  
Harry actually felt sorry for the other. He moved into the room as Draco buried his face into blue hair. “I’ve shushed and I’ve cooed and I’ve even try to sing in the exact voice of Ringo. Now all I have left is to hope that a dingo will sneak in and rip off your fat bitching head…*” He whispered, just giving up.  
  
“Let me have him Malfoy.” Harry said, giving him a soft smile. Draco’s head shot up and he glared at him. “What are you doing here?” He asked, but handed over Teddy.  
  
“Shh.. Uncle Harry is here..” He whispered to the child. The baby curled up and grabbed a fistful of his shirt before settling down.  
  
“Of course.” Draco muttered, rolling his eyes as he turned back to the couch. “Where’s Andromeda?” Harry asked him as he softly swayed with Teddy.  
  
“She went off today. To talk to my mother.” He said bitterly. “He hasn’t felt good, Teddy, and she gave him some muggle medicine.” He explained, too tired to even fight or argue. Harry looked up at him and took in his appearance. The blond had horrible bed head, with dark circles underneath his eyes. He looked like he hadn’t slept or ate in a while. He.. He was wearing his shirt..  
  
“Are you wearing my shirt Malfoy?” He asked, tilting his head. Draco looked down as if he forgot what he was wearing and crossed his arms. “Pansy mixed it up with my wash.” He said defensively.  
  
He gave him a wide smile. “It looks good.” He said before taking the sleeping baby to his bassinet and laid him down.  
  
Draco stared at him, a little shocked. “Are you drunk?” He asked, keeping his voice low to not wake Teddy.  
  
“I’ve had one beer. Sit down, I’ll make something.” He told him as he tucked Teddy in, kissing his cheek before going back into the kitchen.  
  
Draco moved to the doorway leaning against it as he watched the other work. He had been at Andromeda’s for almost three days now. He was a complete mess when he had arrived, Pansy doing most of the explaining. Pansy had even offered to cancel her date to stay with him, but he insisted that she go. He had told Andromeda what had happened in the shower and she looked concerned but offered him the guest room. He didn’t sleep that night, and didn’t eat anything really for the next day or two. He really couldn’t remember. He had finally pulled the shirt on last night.. the feel and smell lulling him into a deep sleep. Andromeda left earlier that day and he had been babysitting since then.  
  
He slumped a bit against the doorway, exhausted. He just wanted to sleep. His eyes roamed over Harry’s body as he fixed something in the microwave and tended to the kettle. He shook the thoughts from his head and turned on his heel, walking back into the sitting room. He settled down on the couch, pulling a blanket over his legs as he waited.  
  
Harry came back a few minutes later with microwave dinners and tea. He sat the tray down before turning the telly on low. He settled on a horror movie before he settled down next to Draco. He ate as the other ranted about the movie, taking the mickey out of the muggle movie and its portrayal of magic.  
  
Two movies in, the blond was sound asleep on the couch under his blankets. Harry sat there, staring at him for the longest time. He looked sad and miserable. More than he had been at the party. He looked hollow… Harry bit his lip before getting up. He gathered him up into his arms, blankets and all, and carried him upstairs. He tucked him into the bed, making sure he was alright before leaning down and pushing his bangs back. What Ginny had said in the pub came back to him as he stared down at Draco.  
  
_We saw how stupid it was and worked some things out…_  


Maybe they could do the same. They were the only thing that hadn’t changed. Malfoy was still Malfoy. That edge hadn’t changed, unlike everything else. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had watched a movie with another person. He had spent a few hours and… it was alright…  
  
He shook his head, pulling his hand back. Maybe he had gone finally mental. He was just so tired of people, _of his friends_ , treating him like glass, like he was fragile and would break at any second. He just wanted to be normal. Just Harry… He didn’t know what was normal anymore, but it just felt great to have someone not give a damn about how they were around him.  
  
He gave him one last look before heading back down to sleep on the couch and make sure Teddy was alright.

* * *

  
  
Draco woke to the smell of coffee. He slowly sat up, looking around the room. He didn’t remember how or when he went to bed but that was a common thing for the past few days. He got up, smiling down at the tshirt before padding his way down to the kitchen. He passed Teddy in his swing, watching something that he probably shouldn’t be on the Telly. He walked into the kitchen to find Harry making breakfast as he watched the show and kept an eye on Teddy.

Harry caught sight of the blond as he sipped his coffee and gave him a smile. “Morning.” He greeted.

Draco nodded. “First of all, what are you doing? And secondly, what are you watching? And thirdly, what time is it?”

“Making breakfast, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and it’s a little after 7.” He answered in order, taking down a plate and placing eggs and bacon on it.  
  
“What in Merlin’s name is Buffy the Vampire Slayer?” He asked as he moved to make coffee. He was all too aware of the fact that he was standing in front of Potter in nothing but pants and his tshirt, like some weird morning after a shag thing.

Harry chuckled breaking some more eggs in the frying pan. “American muggle show about a teenage vampire slayer named Buffy.”

“You pick the weirdest things Potter.” He muttered, as Harry handed him the plate. Draco stared at it. “I don’t eat meat.” He said, looking at the plate as if it would bite him. Harry took the plate back and dumped the bacon on his own. He handed the plate back to the blond. Draco rolled his eyes but took it and his coffee to the sitting room.  
  
After a bit, Harry joined him. “What is this rubbish?” Draco asked, picking at his eggs. “So this Buffy is a vampire slayer? And she goes to school? And she’s in love with this Angel bloke?” He asked with a frown.  
  
“Basically.” Harry chuckled, settling down. “I’ve been watching it for a bit and it’s kinda grown on me.”  
  
“This is terrible.” Draco asked, watching a bit more. “Why is she doing that?” He asked, becoming completely absorbed in the show.  Harry smirked, switching between watching the show and watching the blond. “Angel is a vampire.”  
  
“A vampire and a vampire slayer?” Draco asked, making a face. “They couldn’t be anymore cliché.” He scoffed. After a bit he gave a laugh. “This Cordelia remains me of Pansy.”  
  
Harry laughed, finishing up his coffee. “Now that you mention it, she kind of does.” He grinned.  Draco turned to look at him. “You tell her that, I will murder you in the most gruesome muggle way possible.”  
  
Harry grinned. “Noted.”

“You make shit eggs.” He said after a bit, finishing up his breakfast. Harry smiled around the brim of his mug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The lullaby that Draco sings to Teddy is Lullaby by Tim Minchin. He is great and so hilarious. I recommend you guys watch his performance of this song. 
> 
> Also I am seriously dating myself with this fic. I have to remember what all I did in the late 90's. I was completely obsessed with Buffy the Vampire Slayer when I was in middle school and high school. I used to watch it when it came on in the mornings before I went to school. I still am obsessed and to get in the head space, I completely marathon the series again. 
> 
> I hope you guys really liked this chapter! Send me kudos and comments, Please!! I love to hear your opinions! And also if you would like to talk story with me head over to my tumblr! 
> 
> skylarhaven.tumblr.com


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even though it is mentioned in the tags, let me restate it. This story is rated Mature for a reason. Please read the tags. 
> 
> In this chapter there is a bit of reference to self harm and the act of suicide/ contemplating suicide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though the song is Backstreet boys in the scene, only for the sake of time era continuity, I modeled it around the much slower and extremely amazing acoustic cover that was done by Sleeping at Last. It is just so heart breaking and really fits the story and the scenes. So please check it out! 
> 
> Also the song inspirations for this chapter was "Too afraid to love you" and "I think I'm falling for Something" Both by Dylan Garner. The whole album is my go to drarry playlist.
> 
> ALSO Happy Anniversary of the Victory of the Battle of Hogwarts!

Spending time alone in Andromeda’s cottage was very cleansing for Draco. He felt like there, with no one around, he didn’t have to be on guard all the time. He could just _be_. He had yet to have another episode like the one in the shower. Pansy came and visited him or talked to him through the floo, staying at his house in Camden by herself. It was apparently taking a while to convince his mother to come back to London, and Andromeda had already almost hexed his father quite a few times.  At this point, he was about to give up on his mother ever coming home and his father ever taking responsibility for his actions, instead of blaming him or someone else.   
  
Harry had stayed for two episodes of his Buffy show that morning before leaving to go to his house, leaving Draco to do nothing all day. He fiddled with the remote to the telly, figuring out how to work it and completely being absorbed by a muggle show called “Real World” for a couple of hours.  He played with Teddy for a bit before getting sucked into a show called TRL.

 

* * *

  
  
Harry checked his phone seeing two missed calls from Hermione. He should have known she would want to know why he left last night and if he was alright. He moved around his house, picking up things and looking around for something to do. He sent a quick text to Hermione, telling her he was fine at home before retrieving the journal he had been reading the other night.

He had just finished pouring hot water into his tea when Hermione appeared out of the fireplace. “Harry?” She asked, dusting herself off. “Yes, I’m fine.” Harry answered, closing the journal and placing it into an empty drawer before turning to face her.  
  
“Has Ginny talked to you?” She asked him, biting her lip as he walked over to him. She looked a little worried and slightly scared. For a moment Harry had a flashback to when they decided to go back to Hogwarts before the Battle. He felt his chest tighten and he couldn’t breathe.  
  
 “What happened? What’s wrong?” He choked out, abandoning his tea completely as he moved to her side.  
  
“Nothing like that!” She said, her eyes widening as she realized what the other must have thought. “It’s just… It’s about Draco.. Pansy and Ginny are just really really worried about him. And I know that you two have been talking and I was wondering if you knew something or if Ginny had talked to you.” She explained.  
  
He raised an eyebrow. “Hermione, you are not really making sense, are you okay?” He asked, frowning slightly.  
  
“Harry, of course I’m fine.” She sighed. “Ginny and Me were waiting for Pansy the other day and she looked like she was about to cry. She wouldn’t tell us what had happened, but I’ve never seen her like that. She was as white as a sheet, and shaking. Like she had seen a ghost. I just know it was something to do with Draco.” She confessed.  
  
Harry stood up a little straighter. “Parkinson… was upset? Like really upset?” He asked her. He knew something was off with Malfoy last night but he just figured it was because of Teddy. The little guy could be a complete handful at sometimes.  
  
“Where is Ginny?” He asked her, moving back to the kettle and turning the eye off on the stove. He grabbed his tea before turning and ushering her up the stairs to the foyer.

“Malfoy’s I think with Pansy.” She said, moving as Harry all but pushed her up the stairs.  
  
“I’ll be back in a bit.” He told her moving her through the front door and locked up. He took a sip of his tea before starting to walk hurriedly down the pavement. “Where are you going?” She called to him, standing confused in front of his house.  
  
“Somewhere!” He called back, disappearing around the corner. He remembered the way to Malfoy’s house even though he had only been there twice. It didn’t take long before he found himself in front of his door, knocking loudly.  
  
Pansy answered the door, staring at him with a frown and knitted eyebrows. Before she could even open her mouth to say anything, Harry blurted out. “What’s wrong with him?”  
  
He knew he looked ridiculous, standing in their front garden in last night’s clothes and holding a cup of tea. Pansy didn’t really look that well herself, her makeup was a bit smudged around the corners of her eyes and her lipstick had rubbed off. Her eyes were a bit red.  
  
She opened the door a bit more, crossing her arms. “What are you talking about?” She asked defensively.  
  
“I know something is wrong, what is wrong with him? He looked exhausted last night.”  He asked again, knowing that if it was enough to break through the ice mask that Parkinson was famous for than it must be something bad.  
  
That statement shocked her enough to open the door all the way for him. Harry took that as an invitation and walked in only to meet Ginny there.  
  
“Harry?” She asked, just as confused as Pansy was.  
  
“What’s wrong with him?” He asked her, hoping that at least he might get something from her. Pansy shut the door, walking up to stand near them.

Ginny looked unsure of whether to answer or not, looking over at Pansy as she bit her lip.  
  
“Oh for fucks sake someone please tell me what is going on?!” Harry yelled, finally snapping. Ginny gave a jump at the unexpected yell but Pansy unfolded her arms. She looked at Harry, narrowing her eyes a bit before nodding.  
  
“I don’t know what happened, exactly. He just stopped being Draco. Right after your party.” She told him straight out, a frown on her face as she stared at him.  
  
He turned to her. “Stopped? What do you mean stopped being Malfoy? That’s the only thing in this mess that has stayed the same. Malfoy has always been Malfoy, loud, annoying as piss and an ungrateful wanker.”  
  
Pansy bit her lip, trying to keep the laugh in but couldn’t stop the smile on her face. Of course that’s what Potter would think.  
  
“He-“ She started out but paused, trying to figure out how to word it. “He wasn’t there, his body was there but it was like he didn’t register what was going on. He was empty. He was void of anything that made him who he was.” She explained.  
  
Harry stood there, still holding the half a cup of tea for some reason in front of him. He understood exactly what she meant now. He had been through it. Many, many times the first few weeks after the Battle. He took a sip of his tea to give himself something to do. He had also contemplated different ways of killing himself as well.  
  
He forced himself to swallow the liquid before taking a deep breath. “Thanks.” He told her, which shocked her again. “Are his parents still gone?” He asked.  
  
“His mother sent an owl saying that she was coming home today, but I’m not sure.” She shrugged.  Harry nodded, not really sure what to say after that. He looked at Ginny, who was dressed in a quidditch jersey and jeans with her hair tied back into a low ponytail. She looked worried, not about Malfoy, but about Parkinson.  
  
“You wanted to tell me the other day didn’t you?” He asked her. Ginny sighed. “I did want to tell you.”  
  
“You’re a good girlfriend.” He told her, motioning to Pansy with his cup. He knew the only reason she hadn’t was because of Pansy. The dark headed woman looked up and between the two as Ginny blushed.

Harry turned,  walking back to the door. “What does he like to eat?” He asked, turning back to Pansy. “I know nothing with meat.”  
  
She blinked. “There is a little French shop near here that serves the best French onion soup. Get it with the vegetable broth and the Pain brie.” She told him. He nodded, walking out the door.  
  
Pansy turned to Ginny. “Is he always like that?” She asked her. “Sometimes, when he has his mind made up on something.”  
  
Pansy nodded, walking over to lock up behind him. “Thank you for coming over and staying with me.”  
  
“It’s really nothing Pansy.” She told her with a smirk. “Come on, I’ll make some lunch.” She pulled her into the kitchen, sitting her on the counter.  
  
Pansy smiled, watching her as she moved around the kitchen, getting ingredients down. “Of course, Kitten.” She paused. “Should we be worried about Potter?” She asked her.

“Yes and no.” Ginny answered her. “I really don’t know anymore.” She paused what she was doing. “But I wouldn’t worry about Draco. Whatever set Harry off, he won’t stop until everything is taken care of.”  She gave her a small reassuring smile.  
  
“What about Potter himself?” Pansy asked, shifting her weight.  
  
“You can call him Harry.” Ginny stated offhandedly.  
  
“What about Potter?” Pansy asked again.  
  
“I don’t know.” She sighed, walking over to stand on front of her. “I sort of think I should have never let him leave the Burrow, but then he would have left anyways. At least he is talking now, I don’t see him drinking as much, but I’m also not around him a lot.” She whispered, placing a hand on Pansy’s knee.  
  
“So you don’t think I should have left Draco at Andy’s?” She asked her, leaning forward a bit.  
  
“You did what you thought was best and I’ll support you, unless it’s a shit choice.” She added with a smirk.  Pansy chuckled. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

* * *

  
  
It took a long time to do the things he had wanted to do because his brain was all over the place. He felt like he was suffocating. The dread completely covering him like a thick blanket and he just couldn’t move or breath. He felt like he was going to break but he kept pushing through, the words of both Pansy and Hermione running through his head on a loop. His stomach was tight and a few times he had to stop and be sick in a few bushes, but he kept going. He had to do this. He _had_ to.  
  
He finally made it to the French restaurant, grabbing the soup and the bread like Pansy had told him before making it back to his house. He took the floo back to Andromeda’s. He didn’t know what he was going to do or say. He didn’t even know how to approach the subject. He just knew he needed to do _something._ He remembered the marks on the blond’s arm, vividly, and it worried him. But Malfoy wouldn’t try to kill himself, would he? He wasn’t like him, he was better. He wasn’t like him…  
  
He moved into the kitchen putting down the soup and other things before heading to the sitting room where he could hear the telly.  The sight was enough to bring his panic attack to a dead stop.  
  
“Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine, I'm leaving my life in your hands. People say I'm crazy and that I am blind, risking it all in a glance.” Draco sang softly, his voice strong and carrying over the music coming from the telly.  He was still in Harry’s shirt and the sitting room was a bit of a cluttered mess. There were a few discarded food containers on the coffee table and an almost completed Jane Austen novel open next to the couch.  
  
Teddy was watching him from his swing, dozing a bit to the sound of his voice. Draco on the other hand, was sorting through some novels on Andromeda’s shelf, not even paying attention as he sang the song without any hesitation, or holding back.  
  
His voice sounded amazing to Harry, who stood there just listening to him. It was soothing and soft, but had a strong bite to it that zapped his anxiety away almost immediately.  
  
“And how you got me blind is still a mystery, I can't get you out of my head. Don't care what is written in your history, as long as you're here with me. I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you did, as long as you love me.” He sang, a small sad smile coming to his face as he pulled down a novel, running his fingertips over it carefully. He looked at the title and read the excerpt before placing it onto the table.  
  
Harry watched him do this, taking in uneven shallow breaths as he stood there trying not to make a sound.  
  
“Every little thing that you have said and done, feels like it's deep within me. Doesn't really matter if you're on the run….” He trailed off, stilling for a moment lost in thought the smile fading from his lips a bit.  “It seems like we're meant to be.” He finished, letting the telly sing the chorus again. He went back to what he was doing, turning to check on Teddy.  
  
“I've tried to hide it so that no one knows, but I guess it shows when you look into my eyes.” He sang loudly, standing on the tip of his toes and pulling down a book to inspect it. “What you did and where you're coming from, I don't care, as long as you love me.”  
  
Harry moved into the room, seeing the title of the book. “That’s a good one.. I’ve read it, but personally Gone with the Wind is a better movie than a book. If you like Austen and Carol, then try Hemingway or Bronte. I know he has a few Shakespeare novels up there, too.  Also Perks of being a Wallflower is a nice novel but not really a classic one. I would say Phantom of the Opera, but I liked the play better.” Harry ranted, making Draco jump.  
  
“Fuck, Potter, stop doing that!” He yelled, turning around. “What are you doing here?!”  
  
“I brought Lunch.” He told him, reaching up and  scratching the back of his neck. The blond’s face scrunched up in confusion. “First of all, if you haven’t noticed it’s dinner time. Secondly, what are you doing?” He asked, placing the book back onto the shelf using his left hand.  
  
Harry’s eyes darted to the mark, taking in the puckered and irritated cuts. Draco’s eyes caught where his glance went and he crossed his arms over his chest, hiding his tattoo and mark.  
  
“Stop.” He stated.  
  
“Stop what?” Harry asked looking up at him.  
  
“Stop whatever you are doing. I don’t want it.” He hissed, glaring at him.  
  
“I don’t understand what-“ He started but was interrupted by the other.  
  
“Oh that is complete shit, Potter and you know that.” He spat. “I know that the only reason you are here is because Pansy told your little Weaslette shit because she can’t keep her mouth shut.”  
  
Harry frowned. “No _, Ginny_   doesn’t have anything to do with this. Pansy was worried about you so she told me.”  
  
Draco scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, sure, why would she go to you of all people?”  
  
Harry looked away from him for a moment, going completely silent. “Because she thinks you’re going mad.” He said, looking up and locking eyes with the other. His stare was intense and made Draco want to take a step back. “So she came to see me; to see what a mad person looks like.” He finished.  
  
“Do you really think that you are singularly the only person?” He continued with a hiss. “People died, Malfoy. People died and they aren’t coming back.” He yelled, making Draco bit his lip with a frown.  
  
Harry opened his mouth to say something else, before closing it and clenching his jaw tightly shut, shaking his head.  
  
“Say it.” Draco told him, moving closer. “SAY IT! I know you want to.” He yelled, shoving him. “It’s because of me. People are dead because of me and I should be rotting in a prison because of it.”  
  
Harry slapped his hand away from him. “If I thought that I would have let the Wizengamot sentence you.” He snapped, reaching out and grabbing his left wrist. He pulled it up, looking at the mark.  
  
“What the fuck are you doing?! STOP IT!” He screamed, trying to pull his arm from Harry’s hold.

 “I’m making sure it’s not infected.” Harry stated with a glare, inspecting the cuts. He pulled him into the kitchen as the other protested loudly. He pulled the first aid kit out of the shopping bag, pushing the blond into a chair. He kept a hold on his wrist before sitting down. He opened the alcohol pads, swapping it over the area.  
  
Draco watched him with a worried look. “Don’t..” He said before clearing his throat. “Don’t hurt my tattoo.”  
  
Harry looked up at him over the top of his glasses. “It’s only alcohol. It won’t hurt it.” He stated, putting some antiseptic on it before searching for a bandage. He didn’t say anything else about it as he wrapped the gauze around his forearm. Draco watched him, flinching a bit at the roughness of Harry’s callused fingers.  
  
“There.” He said, letting him go finally. “You didn’t need to do that. I was fine.” Draco protested, making Harry frown. “Do you really want me to acknowledge that with an answer?” He asked.  
  
Draco rolled his eyes. “I am fine. I had one episode and she thinks I’m looney.” He muttered, looking down at the bandage.  
  
“You’re not looney.”  
  
“And you would know?” He asked, grabbing the food bag and opening it. He stared at the food before sitting back in shock. “You really did talk to her.”  
  
“Why would I lie?” He rolled his eyes before getting up and washing his hands.  
  
“Why wouldn’t you?” He countered, pulling the soup out of the bag.  
  
He didn’t answer him. “I get them too.” He stated after a bit.  
  
Draco ignored him as he opened the soup, taking the spoon out of the bag and starting to eat it out of the container. Harry turned around, watching him for a bit. “Dammit Malfoy.” He growled.  
  
“What?” He asked, looking up from his bowl.  
  
Harry looked away, not sure how to approach the subject again. “God why is this so hard?” He muttered to himself. He stood there for a long time just watching as Draco ate his soup, the blond tensing a bit when he moved his forearm a bit wrong.  
  
“Would you stop doing that? I’m not going to break.” He muttered, not looking at him.  
  
“Of course you aren’t. You’re not fragile by no means, nor are you made of glass. An ungrateful stubborn git but not fragile.” He said, crossing his arms.  
  
“Then stop staring.” He muttered, “Or I swear to Merlin I will hit you.” He threatened.  
  
“Come on then hit me.” Harry gloated.  
  
“You truly are mental.” Draco said looking up from his food. “You want me to hit you?”  
  
“If it gets that stick out of your arse then yes. Hit me.” He replied.  
  
Draco frowned, getting up from his chair.  
  
“You think you are the only one that has it bad? You got off pretty easy in the aftermath.” Harry continued.  
  
“Easy?! You think this is easy?” He hissed. “Having no magic, living without any magic? Without anything or anyone?!” He yelled, rearing back and punching him in the face as hard as he could. Harry’s head jerked to the right with the force, knocking his glasses askew.  
  
He wiped the blood from his lip, fixing his glasses only to find Draco staring at him fearfully. He gave a chuckle, “You know for a pureblood you don’t hit that bad.” He smirked.  
  
Draco stared at him, confused for a bit before he shook his hand out. “Your stupid face is just a very large target.”  
  
He reached behind him, grabbing a spoon from the drying rack. He handed it to the other before coming back to his seat. Harry accepted the silent invitation, joining him and eating in silence for a bit.  
  
“You’re an arsehole.” Draco muttered, flexing his fingers a bit. Harry grinned, not saying a word.  


* * *

  


They ended up watching Gone with the Wind along with the play for Phantom of the Opera before Draco passed out from pure exhaustion. Harry took Teddy to bed before gathering up the blond and his blankets and carrying him up to his own bed. Instead of leaving this time, he slipped into the bed beside him. He didn’t know why but he just felt like he shouldn’t leave him alone. The anxiety from earlier slowly making its way back into the pit of his stomach.  
  
He stayed on his side of the large bed, staring up at the ceiling for a while before turning to watch the other sleep. He didn’t remember when he closed his eyes, but it wasn’t long after that he felt a heavy weight on his chest. He opened his eyes, peering down at him with a small smile as the other cuddled into him, still sound asleep. He hesitantly wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close. Just like that evening, his anxiety was instantly zapped from him. He closed his eyes, slowly drifting off to one of the better nights of sleep he had had in a very long time.  


 

* * *

  
  
Andromeda returned to her home early that morning, glad as ever to be away from her brother in law. That man could drive a saint to murder or drink. At least Draco didn’t have to worry as much with his parents at home now. She went to check on Teddy first, finding him sound asleep in his crib. She smiled, kissing his forehead before going to check if Draco was alright.  
  
She opened the door and froze, raising an eyebrow in surprise. The lamp was dimmed, giving off a soft glow around the room. Harry was snoring away, tangled under blankets. On top of his chest lay a curled up Draco, wearing nothing but a shirt and boxers. One leg thrown over Harry and the other tangled in sheets. One hand had Harry’s shirt in a vise grip as he slept peacefully. Andromeda smiled, closing the door back before going downstairs and making coffee.  
  
Draco was the first to wake up, a few moments after Andromeda left, and blinked a few times before realizing where he was and who he was with. In all honesty, that had been the best sleep he had gotten in months. He stared at the other, seeing the dark circles that his glasses hid. He weighed a few options in his mind before just closing his eyes. He didn’t know when and how this had happened but he didn’t want to think right now, just take in the smell of rum, grass and body spray.  
  
Harry woke a little after Draco had fallen back to sleep. He grabbed his glasses, putting them on and staring down at the blond. He gave a slight smile, pushing his bangs back off his forehead, his fingers lingering there before he carefully detangled himself from the sheets and him. He covered him up again, making sure he was alright before leaving reluctantly. He might not have to worry about being hexed but Malfoy did have a damn good right hook. His face was still throbbing from last night. Probably not the best way he could have handled it, but it worked.  
  
He made his way to the bathroom, looking his face over in the mirror. He had a busted lip and a nice lovely dark bruise sprouting over his cheek bone. He washed up before padding down to the kitchen.  He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Andromeda sitting at the table, drinking coffee and reading the paper. He turned and made his way back up the stairs as quiet as he could be. He was on his second step when she called out to him.  
  
“Good morning.” She smirked around her cup, turning to look at him.  
  
He bit his lip, turning around looking guiltier than she had ever seen him be. “ Er, Hi, Andromeda, you’re back.” He greeted, feeling his face heat up.  
  
“And you are doing the walk of shame.” She nodded.  
  
“What?” He laughed, trying to play it off.  
  
“I went to check on him this morning.” She told him, making Harry turn even more red. “Yeah.. I can explain..” He said a bit uncomfortable.  
  
“It’s fine Harry. Come have some breakfast.” She told him with a smile, motioning to the stack of toast and eggs behind her. He smiled. “Thanks.”

They didn’t say anything to each other again until he was sitting in front of her with his breakfast. “Do I even want to know what happened to your face?” She reached over with a laugh, taking his chin in hand and looking over his injury.

“Your nephew has a great right hook?” He explained, taking a sip of his coffee when she let go.  
  
“Good.” She nodded, going back to her paper.  
  
“He’s going to be alright..” Harry told her.  
  
“I know. You both are.” She smiled at him.  
  
Harry didn’t get a chance to answer her because Draco appeared at the bottom of the stairs, looking a bit disheveled. He stared at Andromeda before smiling widely. “Andy!” He moved over, hugging her tightly. “Is mother at home?” He asked her, completely forgetting that Harry was there.  
  
“Yes, her and your father are back.” She hugged him tightly. “Eat some breakfast before heading back.”  
  
He nodded, finally catching sight of Harry. “Morning..” He muttered, turning a bit pink before hurrying over to the stove.  
  
Andromeda chuckled. “Nice work on Harry’s face. It really goes to show that you can make your point even in the muggle way.”  
  
He turned to her, confused.  
  
“You can handle yourself with or without a wand. Unlike most wizards.” She smiled at him. “I’m proud of you.”  
  
“You’re proud that I busted up Potter’s face?” He asked, unsure.  
  
“Yes.” She laughed.  
  
He grinned. “I really should do it more often. It’s such an improvement.” He replied making her burst out laughing, as Harry sunk down in his chair. “I have a feeling toast and eggs weren’t worth it.” He muttered.  
  
“Can I borrow a few of your novels?” Draco asked, making his plate. Andromeda looked up. “You’ll have to ask Harry, they aren’t mine.”  
  
Draco looked over at them. “Whose are they?”  
  
“They belonged to Remus..” Harry muttered around his toast.  
  
“Oh, I..” He started before nodding. “Nevermind.”  
  
“No.. It’s fine.. He would love that someone was reading them.” Harry told him as the blond joined them at the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter or so and then the letters go out! I can't wait to write about it! Hope everyone liked this chapter! Please comment!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a lot of action in this chapter and a lot of time shifts. The shifts are tiny and all happen within a day and a night, I believe. It starts from the exact same time as the end of the last chapter, just Pansy's side of the morning. Then it goes on from there. 
> 
> I'm not going to say it again, because I feel like a broken record. If you don't know what this story deals with, nor have read the tags, nor the other multiple times I have warned about this story, I can't help you. 
> 
> I hope you guys like this new chapter! Read the notes at the bottom for important info on updates!

  
Pansy woke slowly, stretching out but not really wanting to get up. She looked up, pushing her hair back from her face. She smiled slightly, looking at the redhead next to her sprawled out on the pillow sound asleep. After lunch and a few movies, Ginny had stayed the night to make sure she was okay. Sleeping fully clothed next to someone was something new to Pansy…and she hadn’t slept that well in months.  She settled back into her blankets, cuddling close to the other.  She heard sounds downstairs but just dismissed it as Draco finally coming home.  
  
A moment later, a knock came to her door. She groaned, cuddling closer to Ginny. “Sleeping!” She called out with a huff.  
  
“Pansy? Dear? Where is Draco?” Came the voice of Narcissa Malfoy. Pansy jerked awake as the door knob jiggled. She turned, kicking Ginny off the other side of the bed next to the wall. The redhead fell in a pile of blankets with a huff, moving to say something when the door opened.  
  
“Mrs. Malfoy, morning.” Pansy said sleepily, sitting up and stretching. “Draco is still at Andromeda’s I think, but he should be home soon.” She assured her. Ginny froze, hunching underneath the bed and the wall, trying not to even breathe.  
  
“Oh, alright.” Narcissa said softly, giving her a smile. “How is he?” She asked her. Pansy sat up fully, pulling the covers from herself. “He’ll be alright… I promise.”  
  
Narcissa nodded. “You are such a great girlfriend.” She smiled at her before leaving, shutting the door behind her. Pansy moved over, hanging off the side of the bed to check on Ginny.  
  
“Are you alright?” She asked her, pulling her up onto her feet. “Yeah, I am..” The redhead nodded, moving away from the bed towards her bag.  
  
“I’m not his girlfriend anymore… it’s just easier this way…” She told her, moving off the bed.  
  
“Yeah, I get it. I really haven’t told my parents either.” She chuckled.  
  
“At least your parents have like 6 other chances to have an heir.” She muttered, moving to her armoire. She opened it, shifting through it before pulling out a shirt. She closed the drawer before pulling off her other shirt.  
  
“My family doesn’t care about he-“ Her words died out in shock as she stared at the other’s bare back. She bit her lip before looking pointedly away, shoving her things into her backpack as Pansy pulled on the clean shirt.  
  
“What is going to happen when I go back to school?” Ginny asked her.  
  
Pansy stilled, staring at her armoire. “And I won’t be.” She nodded, drumming her fingers on the wood surface before turning around.  
  
Ginny got up, shouldering her bag. “I can understand if this was just a summer thing.” She told her with an awkward smile.  
  
“What even is this?” Pansy asked her, crossing her arms. Ginny shrugged. Pansy huffed, smirking. “Now who is bullshitting?” She purred, leaning back against the armoire.  
  
Ginny bit her lip, shoving her hands into her pocket. “I like you.” She said, looking up at her.  
  
“Why would you like me, Kitten?” She whispered, giving her a rare soft smile. “I’m arrogant, self-centered, and controlling. I’m not a good person.” She admitted. “And as  much as I hate to say it, you could do better.” She reached out, tucking a stray strand behind Ginny’s ear.  
  
Ginny nodded. “Heard that one before.” She muttered, looking away. “So I guess, I go out the window?” She nodded towards the window, turning to leave.  
  
“Kitten wait..” She said softly, grabbing her wrist. “I’m going to break your heart.” She warned. Ginny smirked, moving towards her. “I think I can handle it.” She said, leaning close. “Just think, you might not.”  
  
Pansy smirked, pulling her close by her hips. “Fucking Gryffindors.” She scoffed, leaning in and kissing her lips softly. Ginny smiled, kissing her back. “Now seriously, do I have to go out the window?” She asked against her lips. Pansy smirked, patting her hips. “Fraid so, unless you want to make Draco’s mother had another nervy b.”  
  
“Draco might kill me.” Ginny said, pecking her lips once more before moving to the window and down the garden trellis.  
  
Pansy’s mask melted away and she grinned, placing her fingertips over her lips.

* * *

  
  
“Is that Weasley climbing down my garden trellis?” Draco asked as he walked towards his house with Harry. Harry’s brows knitted, staring as the redhead scaled the side of the blond’s house. “Um.. Yeah, that’s Ginny.” He moved to stand under her path. Draco stood there watching the two.  
  
Ginny jumped down, dusting off her jeans before turning around and jumping. “Shit Harry!” She hissed, placing her hand over her heart. “Why must you always do that?” She hit him with a frown. Draco snickered, his sentiments exactly.  
  
“Why are you coming out of the window like some bad romantic comedy?” He asked, chuckling. “Draco’s parents are home.” She said, laughing at how absurd the whole thing was. Harry laughed with her. “I won’t tell Hermione.”  
  
“Thank god. I know she means well but sometimes I just can’t.” She hoisted her bag up onto her shoulder.

“Yeah, I understand.” He smirked. “I’m going to miss you when you go back to Hogwarts.”  
  
She leaned in, kissing his cheek. “I’m only an Owl away and you have Andy and..” She trailed off, looking over at Draco. The blond shifted, glaring at her while Harry had his back to him.  
  
 “You are going to be fine.” She told him, pulling away and walking over to Draco. He straightened up, staring at her suspiciously.  
  
“Take care of Pansy for me while I’m gone.” She told him as she stopped right in front of him. He scoffed. “Like that was ever a question.” He rolled his eyes. She smirked, leaning up and whispering, “Take care of Harry too.” She patted him on the shoulder before walking away. Draco jerked around looking at her bewildered.  He turned back, looking at Harry, his brows knitted together in confusion.  
  
“Is she –“ He asked, trailing off.  
  
“Yeah..” Harry nodded, scratching the back of his neck. “She’s always like that.”  
  
Draco moved towards his front door, looking a bit uncomfortable.  
  
“I’ll go.” Harry told him, turning and walking off. Draco watched him go, lingering at the door before walking inside. He met his mother, father and Pansy in the kitchen. Pansy was making breakfast for other two, being extremely quiet.  
  
Draco took a deep breath, walking into the room and moving to Pansy’s side. Pansy gave him a nod, her eyes darting to Lucius. The old man was sitting at the kitchen table, a mug of something in front of him and a scowl on his face.  
  
“What in the name of Salazar are you wearing?” Lucius hissed, staring at his son. Draco was still wearing Harry’s shirt and a pair of ripped skinny jeans. “Muggle clothes.” Draco replied, his head held high and the mask back in place.  
  
“Muggle rags? I will not have muggle rags in my house.” Lucius announced to no one in particular. He sat there, wearing his usual black wizarding robes.  
  
“We live in a muggle community Father. It’s best to blend in and not give cause for the Ministry to punish us more.” He recited, helping Pansy plate the various food items.  
  
Lucius scoffed at that. “They are reaching. Go change, I can’t look at those hideous things anymore. It’s bad enough I have to live in this muggle dump, much less look at my son wearing muggle trash.” He muttered, taking a sip from the mug. Draco flashed his mother a glare before making a cup of coffee. He walked over, exchanging the mug for the coffee. He sniffed the contents and recoiled. Bourbon, that early in the morning. He kept his face neutral as he dumped the contents down the drain and Pansy served the plates to both his mother and father. His father was still muttering things as he ate, leaving Draco and Pansy to just disappear from the room.  
  
Once locked in his bedroom, Draco opened the window and lit a cigarette. Pansy let out a sigh, sinking down onto his bed. “You know your mother almost caught me with Ginny right?” She told him. “I didn’t even know she was coming back today.”  
  
Draco nodded, taking a long drag on the cigarette before blowing the smoke out the window. “Andy told me, this morning.” He said softly, his hands shaking a bit.  It had been the first time he had seen his father since their trial. The first time his father had seen him. It could have been a lot worse and for once he was glad his father was drunk. His father was a lazy terrible drunk, it was like alcohol turned him into a slug. He didn’t do anything and he barely spoke. It was better than having him sober most of the time.

Especially times like this.  
  
“Can we go out tonight? Like we use to?” He asked her.  
  
“I have a date… but if you want I can cancel.” She told him, sitting up. Draco was silence for a very long time, so long that Pansy became worried and moved to get up. “Bring her along.” He finally stated.  
  
She blinked at him, shocked. “Did I just hear you correctly?” She asked him.  He turned to look at her. “I can change my mind.” He told her, the redhead’s words still echoing in his head.  She nodded. “Alright.”  
  
There was a pause. “Anyone else I should invite?” She asked. He frowned at her. “I’m not hosting a charity party for wayward Gryffindors.” He said pointedly. She smirked, looking away from him with a chuckle.

* * *

 

Harry had been home for a few hours from the garage when Ginny appeared from the Floo and into his kitchen. He looked up from his take away, raising an eyebrow. “Hi.”  
  
She smiled at him, moving over to sit at the table. “So apparently you are going on a double date slash group date with me and Pansy.”  
  
“And who decided this?” He asked as he continued to eat.  
  
“She did.” She told him.  
  
“Your girlfriend has lost her mind.” He stated.  
  
“My girlfriend is very bossy and controlling.” She smirked. “And Draco wanted to go out.” She told him.  
  
Harry bit his lip, looking down at his food for a moment. Ginny grinned, knowing she had him at that. “Why would Malfoy want me there?” He asked.  
  
“Because I want you there, and Pansy wants me there. It’s the last time I get to hang out before I go back to Hogwarts. Please?” She pouted.  
  
“Fine. Where are we going?” He asked, closing the box lid on his food.  
  
“To see the band that played on your birthday, Go get ready.” She ushered. Harry looked at her for a moment. “I don’t want to go to a crowded concert hall.”  
  
She looked at him for a moment and then nodded. “Sorry, I didn’t think about that.”  
  
“It’s okay. We can hang out some other time before you go back.” He told her.  She leaned over hugging him. “You’ll be fine.”  
  
“Go, go have fun on your date.” He said, ushering her out.

* * *

  
  
Harry had just opened a new bottle of bourbon, getting ready to unscrew the top and pour a glass to try to drink himself to sleep when he heard a knock at his door. He checked the time on his mobile, before moving upstairs to answer the door.  
  
Draco was standing there, looking completely uncomfortable. Harry looked at him confused for a bit before opening the door all the way. “Malfoy? What are you doing here?”  
  
He scoffed, crossing his arms. “I don’t want to be home, I certainly do not want to play third wheel to Pansy and her miniature, plus there is someone I really don’t want to deal with right now. Andy is not home. Sadly to say, this is the last place I want to be, but the only place left.” He glared.  
  
Harry blinked at that, taking in that information before opening the door and inviting him in.  Draco walked in, blinking at the brightness of the foyer.  
  
“You changed it a lot.” He said, surprised as he looked around.  
  
“How did you know I lived here?” Harry asked him, shutting the door and locking up.  
  
 “You’re living in my family’s ancestral home, of course I know. People talk.” He rolled his eyes before looking around. “Can I see the rest of it?” He asked, turning to look at him.  
  
“Sure.” Harry said with a nod. “This way..” He motioned for the other to follow him down to the kitchen. “Are you hungry?” He asked when they reached the bottom.  
  
Draco looked over the bright colors and the openness of the room. He smiled slightly, feeling calm for the first time since his father came back home. He hugged himself tightly before turning to look at the other. Harry had picked up the bottle of bourbon before twisting the top off.  
  
Draco’s breath caught at the smell and his chest constructed. He felt dizzy after a bit and spots were forming in front of his eyes. Harry turned to see Draco collapse to his knees. He placed the bottle down, missing the counter. The bottle toppled over spilling over the side of the counter as Harry rushed to the blond’s side.  
  
“Malfoy!” He called, dropping down next to him. Draco looked blue and his eyes were unfocused. Harry grabbed his face, turning it towards him. “Draco, breathe. Focus on me. Breathe.” He said, his voice strong and steady. The shock of hearing his name from Harry was enough to snap him out of it. He took a deep breath, scrunching his nose at the smell. “The… That smell..” He choked out. “Get rid of it.” He hissed.  
  
Harry frowned, looking over to where half the bottle had poured out on the floor. “Shit!” He said, moving and righting the bottle. He grabbed a towel and started to mop up the mess.  
  
Draco sat there on his knees, quiet. “You called me Draco..” He finally said, his voice rough.  
  
Harry looked up from the mess. “You were having a panic attack… among other things.” He dropped the sopping rag into the sink.  
  
The blond nodded, looking away.  
  
“I’m sorry..”  
  
Draco’s head jerked up again. “You’re apologizing to me?” He let out a chuckle of disbelief. Harry looked at him, again confused. “Yeah, because I called you Draco.”  
  
The blond felt a jolt again, the sound of his name passing through the other lips making him feel a bit hot.  
  
“You.. can call me Draco as long as I can call you Harry.” He smirked, getting up a bit shaky. “You shouldn’t drink this stuff.” He said, taking the bottle and dumping it down the drain.  
  
“Oy, that was expensive!” Harry protested, popping up from the floor. “And more than half of it was on the ground.” Draco shot back with more venom than he had meant to actually.  
  
Harry blinked, staring at him a moment before nodding. “Alright.” He conceded, moving to wash the sticky off the floor now that the liquid was up. Draco washed the bottle out and washed the counter before moving to the fridge. He looked inside, biting his lip.  
  
“What do you want Harry? Chicken noodles or shrimp?” He asked, turning to look at the other. The name leaving a weird feeling on his tongue and a fluttering sensation in his stomach.  The sound of his name startled him as he stood up, making him slip as he turned towards the blond. He landed on his ass with a yell as Draco watched him with a twitching smirk. “The savior of the Wizarding World everyone.” He deadpanned.  
  
Harry glared up at him before slowly getting up. “Shrimp.” He muttered. Draco grabbed a TV dinner for himself and the shrimp one for Harry, moving to the microwave.  
  
“And it seems the big bad Draco Malfoy has conquered the big bad microwave.” Harry chuckled, watching him.

* * *

  
  
After a tour of the house, they settled down in the front room to eat and watch movies. They ate in silence for a while, watching a random movie that Draco had picked.  
  
Harry was the first to break the silence. “Do you want to talk about what happened earlier?” He asked softly.  
  
“Not particularly.” Draco muttered, pushing his food around. “You don’t have to if you-“ Harry started but was cut off the other. “Cut the bullshit, Potter.” He snapped before pausing. “My father drinks bourbon.”  
  
Harry nodded. “I understand.” He said, dropping it.

“Sure you do.” Draco chuckled hollowly.  
  
Harry frowned. “Yeah. I do.” He snapped, shoving his food away from him. Draco stared at him. “How? How could the great Harry Potter understand?” He whispered.  
  
Harry seemed to deflate. “Not something I want to talk about.” He told him, looking away. Draco stared at him before setting back into the couch. “So what is even happening in this movie?” He asked. Harry chuckled, settling back and explaining the movie to him.

* * *

  
  
Harry’s mobile rang around 1 am. He quickly answered it, making sure that it hadn’t woke up Draco. The blond was asleep, snuggled into his side with his head tucked in the crook of his shoulder and chest.  
  
“Harry?” Ginny’s voice sounded over the mobile.  
  
“Ginny? What’s wrong?” He whispered, wrapping his arm tighter around the blond. “Do you know where Draco is? He just ran off and he’s not at his house nor is he at Andy’s.”  
  
Harry chuckled. “Yeah, he’s here at mine. Safe and sound.” He assured her, smiling down at the other. “Do you want us to come get him?” Ginny asked.  
  
“No, it’s fine. He’s asleep right now.” Harry ran his fingers through the other’s hair lightly as he talked.  
  
“Alright.. I’ll let Pansy know.” Ginny said with a chuckle. “Night Harry.”  
  
“Wait.. do you want to come stay here?” He asked her. “Draco said something about things being bad at home and not wanting to go back.” He said before he caught himself.  
  
Ginny started to laugh. “Oh, so it’s Draco now is it?” She asked, making Harry sputter and turn red. “It’ll be fine. His parents are asleep and I just dropped off Pansy there. I’m heading home, Ron’s waiting up for me.”  
  
“Be careful.” He told her, saying goodbye before hanging up. Harry locked his phone, placing it on the table as he laid back, shifting a bit and pulling Draco closer to him. He closed his eyes falling into sort of a sound sleep.

* * *

  
  
Draco was the first to wake the next morning, blinking awake and looking around him. He had become used to new surroundings when he fell asleep around Potter. He was a bit surprised when he found that he was still on the couch, snuggled on top of a snoring Harry. He chuckled a bit, sitting up and hitting Harry’s mobile to find what time it was. He nearly knocked it off the table when he saw a picture of himself pop up with the time. He hit the button again, staring at the picture. He remembered from when it had been taken. It had been at the birthday party, he knew because of his outfit.   
  
He placed the phone back on the table before getting up. He went exploring a bit around the house before finding Harry’s bedroom. He walked in, opening his armoire and stealing some clothes before heading to take a shower.  
  
After a nice long shower, he walked downstairs in only a pair of Harry’s boxers and a tshirt leaving his clothes on the bathroom floor. He searched around the kitchen to find some things to cook for breakfast before pulling out a cigarette. He didn’t have to worry about smoke or his mother for once. He never knew what kind of a relief that was until now. He didn’t have to stand up straight, mind his diction and tone when he spoke. Didn’t have to make sure he looked presentable. He could get use to this. Something about this house felt so freeing. Like it was separate from everything else. It was safe… and felt open. Especially with all of Potter’s things lying around. Maybe that was why Potter liked being here.

He chuckled, lighting his cigarette, using a small bowl as an ashtray.  
  
Harry woke up to the smell of coffee and eggs. He walked down to the kitchen to see Draco standing there, fully dressed in his clothes. He was making breakfast with a cigarette hanging from his mouth. He smiled widely at the scene before him. “I see you’ve made yourself at home.”  
  
Draco turned to him, knocking ash off into the bowl. “I wanted a shower and breakfast.” He told him, plating the eggs and toast. He held one out for Harry. He smiled, taking the plate from him and setting it down. He took hold of Draco’s wrist, checking the wound.  
  
“I haven’t done anything to it. You don’t have to.” He muttered, looking down at his arm. “I know.” Harry said with a smile, running his  fingertips over the cuts gently before letting go. He leaned forward making Draco freeze up as the other came extremely close. Harry reached around grabbing the mug of coffee. He took a sip of it right in front of Draco’s face with a smirk. “You look good.” He turned moving to the table. Draco flushed, turning pink before becoming angry. Stupid fucking Potter.  
  
“Fuck you!” He yelled, grabbing a spatula and hitting Harry square in the back. Harry jumped, choking a bit on his coffee. “You wish, Draco.” He called, settling down in his chair and starting to eat. Draco bit his lip, shaking his head. Fucking Gryffindors.  
  
After breakfast, Draco got dressed to go home. Which really just consisted of Draco stealing some jeans from Harry. “You know you can stay?” Harry told him as he stood at the front door.  
  
“I have to get home.” Draco said, moving out of the door. “Bye Potter.” He said, walking off towards his house. Harry watched him go with a soft smile.

* * *

  
  
Draco walked into his room, having yet to run into . He found Pansy in his room, talking on the mobile with Ginny. “Where is everyone?” He asked her. “Your father went to the ministry for a probation meeting and your mother is still asleep.” She said before telling Ginny she had to go. She hung up before turning to him.  
  
“I was really worried about you when Chris said you bolted but I just thought you came home. And then you weren’t answering your mobile…” She told him.  
  
“I went to Potter’s.” He admitted, sitting down on bed next to her. “You look confused.” She said, settling down next to him.  
  
“I am confused.” He said before telling her what had happened. Pansy gave him a smile. “At least he knew how to stop it. “  
  
“Stupid Potter.” He shook his head. “I just tired of being here with them…” He said, talking about his parents. “At least when I went to Hogwarts I had a break..” He whispered. He sat there for a moment before flinging himself backwards onto the bed, letting out a frustrated sigh. “How did my life get so fucked?” He asked her.  
  
They sat in silence for a while before the sound of tapping was heard. They looked up to see an owl tapping on the window with a letter in its beck. Pansy moved to it, opening up the window and retrieving the letter. Once it was done with its job, the owl flew off. She looked at name, frowning before turning it over. Draco got up moving over to her curious.  
  
“It’s from Hogwarts.” She stated, looking up worried when she saw the seal. She tore it opened, reading the first few lines of the letter before reaching behind her and falling into the desk chair.  
  
“What does it say?” Draco asked, worried.  
  
It took a while for her to reply. “It says that I’m invited to finish up my last year at Hogwarts.” She whispered, shocked.    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are moving fast now! Everything has been building on the realization that none of them were going back to hogwarts and now, that kind of went out the window. Next chapter will show what the actual letter said, from Harry's side and others things.
> 
> I'm sorry for leaving you guys on a cliff hanger but I probably won't be updating until after convention weekend. If anyone is going to Momocon, feel free to say hi if you see me! I will have the_real_Karaage on my badge, but idk what I'm cosplaying each day. 
> 
> I will get back to writing as soon as I get back from Con. I don't plan on drinking this con because of my new medications so I won't be hung over. XD lmao. 
> 
> Please Comment and tell me what you guys liked about it.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry It took forever to update! I've been home from convention for a week now, but I had some school stuff to take care of so that kinda ate into my editing time. Also the Chrome update threw me because begone you damn black border boxes!  
> (Also I might have taken a day or two off to binge Riverdale. SO GOOD!)
> 
> I hope the 19 pages that I got carried away writing is enough to make up for the long gap between updates. There is a lot of time and scene changes as this is a VERY action packed chapter. I hope everyone loves it!

Harry looked down at the letter, not sure if he actually believed it or not.  
  
_Dear Mr. Potter,  
  
It pleases me to invite you back to Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry to complete your 7 th and final year and graduate. Last year was unfortunate and classes were interrupted for many. Most didn’t return last year because of the laws and for their own safety because of the war. We are offering this unique opportunity to our 7th years that weren’t able to complete their last year and graduate last year. Hogwarts has been renovated over the summer to accommodate this. To minimize the amount of disruption to the rest of the school and those returning, we are  implementing a two person dormitory system for those returning. Two people will share a single room with a common room area and a bathroom attached. The roommates will be picked on the bases of personality, so it is likely you will be placed with students from different houses.  
  
You are free to still wear your house robes and sit at your house table at mealtimes. You are also still able to participate in house activities, though 8th  years are not able to compete in Quidditch matches. Those who would like to, may still book the field for practice and flying.  
  
Attached is a list of supplies needed for your 7th  year. I hope to see you September 1st and I wish you all the best.  
  
Sincerely,  
Minerva McGonagall  
Headmistress  
  
_

He shoved the letter into his pocket, moving to the floo. He arrived to an uproar in the Burrow. He walked out to see Molly crying, Ginny dancing around cheering, Ron completely red-faced and shocked and Hermione beaming.  
  
“HARRY! DID YOU GET ONE?!” Hermione called, rushing over to him.  Harry nodded. “Yeah.. What is going on?” He asked her.  
  
“I don’t know..  There has never been anything like this in the history of all of Hogwarts.” Hermione gushed, looking at him in shock.  
  
“Was it just us?” He asked her.  
  
“No, it seems like everyone got a letter.” She beamed at him. “Let’s celebrate! Get everyone together and meet at the pub?” She asked him.  
  
“Yeah..” He nodded as Ron hurried over to him. “Mate! We are going back!” He said a large grin on his face.  
Harry laughed, smiling at the complete joy on his friends’ faces. He hadn’t seen them this happy in a very long time. “Yeah, mate, we are.”  He said softly, as Hermione giggled.  
  
“See Harry, everything works out in the end.” She told him, hesitating a bit before hugging him. He hugged her back tightly. “Thanks..”

* * *

  
  
“Maybe yours is just late.” Pansy rationed, staring at the letter that was laying on the desk as if it was cursed. Draco gave a sharp snort, his eyes dark. “Yeah, right. Pansy, I am on Probation!” He stated clearly, his voice rising in anger. “I can’t do magic or be in magical environments! I don’t even have my bloody WAND!” He yelled, his eyes darting to the letter and back again.  
  
“I won’t go.” Pansy said softly after a few tense moments.  
  
“Like bloody hell you aren’t!” He yelled. “You are going! You don’t need to have your life ruined because of me. Make something of yourself.” He told her, his voice softening a bit at the end. Pansy gave him a soft smile.  
  
“Like I would leave you here alone. You wouldn’t survive without me.” She smirked.  
  
“I have Andy… and Potter… as much as I don’t understand that. Go. I won’t stand here and let you throw this opportunity away. You’ve already stopped using magic because of me.” He said calmly.  
  
Pansy nodded. “I’m not leaving you here alone…” She insisted. “Maybe you can go live with Andy.. She offered..”  
  
“Pansy..” He whispered.  
  
“No, maybe your parents need to start acting like adults. They need to take care of themselves for once. You spent your entire life trying to please them, take care of them. It’s time for you to take care of yourself.” She argued. “If not now, when? When you are married to some pureblooded bint, being pressured to have children? When your parents muck everything up again and you are left to clean the mess up?” She asked, her lips pulled into a tense frown. “The only reason your father and mother aren’t in prison is because of YOU!” She snapped. “You, Draco Malfoy, did nothing wrong. You were scared and pressured, wanting to please your parents. Wanted to be a good son-“  
  
“ENOUGH!” He yelled, hitting the table with enough force to make it wobble on its legs. Pansy jumped a bit, looking at him. She stared at him before looking away. “You should go talk to Andy at least.”  
  
Draco looked down at his feet for a long moment before answering. “I will.” He assured her.  
  
“Good.”

* * *

  
  
Harry walked out of Andromeda’s fireplace, hearing Teddy’s excited babbling, banging two toys together. He smiled, hurrying over and scooping him up. He cuddled him close to his chest, quieting the child for a moment. Andromeda popped her head into the room after a moment of silence. “Oh, Harry! I was a bit worried. A silent child is never a good sign.” She joked, walking into the room as Teddy clung to Harry.  
  
“How have you been?” She asked him as he settled Teddy on his hip, bouncing him lightly as the toddler sucked on his thumb.  
  
“I.. I don’t know..” He admitted, pulling the crumpled letter out of his pocket and handing it over to her. She took it, smoothing it out on the coffee table before reading it over. She was silent for a bit before nodding. “This is great Harry..” She smiled at him before looking down at the carelessness the letter had be treated with. “But you don’t think so…”  
  
“I don’t know honestly… I haven’t been in Wizarding London since the Trials. I haven’t wanted to be..” He admitted, running his fingers through Teddy’s hair.  
  
“What are afraid of Harry?” She asked him.  
  
“Everything.. Everything scares me… “ He chuckled, his throat tightening. “Everyone is so excited and celebrating and I’m… I’m not happy.. I don’t like the idea of going back.. Going back and seeing it… I see it enough in my head…. And in my dreams.. I don’t need to see it in real life..” He choked out, blinking the wetness from his eyes.  
  
“Breath Harry.. it’s alright. You don’t need the answers right now. You have a plenty of time to decide. You don’t need to go back if it is going to be this hard. No one would blame you. And if they do, tell them to come see me.” She smirked, winking at him before folding the letter up. He chuckled.  
  
“Your grandmother is a very scary woman.” He cooed to Teddy, getting hit with the letter on the shoulder by the older witch. “See.” Harry laughed, taking the letter and putting it back into his pocket.  
  
Andromeda rolled her eyes, but looked at him with a soft fondness.  
  
“I… I’ve been reading Remus’s journals. It’s been helping me through a lot of things actually.” He admitted. “It makes me cry sometimes..”  
  
Andromeda moved, hugging him and Teddy. “Do what you feel. There is no one or anything that you need to concern yourself about but you. Do what your heart is telling you, what you are feeling. You don’t need to decide right now.” She reassured him.  


* * *

  
  
“I can stay.. or you can come with me.. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.” Pansy stated, staring at herself in the full length mirror in Draco’s room. The blond was laying on his bed, legs hanging off the edge.  
  
“Wear the silver stilettos.” He answered, staring at the ceiling.  He hadn’t really did or said anything the entire day, just stayed cooped up in his room the entire time.  
  
“You don’t think it would be too much?” She asked him, turning around. She was dressed in a black tulle dress that was almost completely silver with the waterfall of sequins.  
  
“No, it would look great.” He told her. “I’ll be fine. You go.” He urged her. She looked away from him and looked back to the mirror, checking her makeup.  
  
“You look fine. Your makeup is perfect.” He told her, sounding a bit bored.  She nodded, pulling on her heels before grabbing her clutch.  
  
“Call me if you need anything..” She told him, leaning down and pecking him on the cheek. He gave her a tight smile before nodding. “I will.”  
  
She nodded, walking out.  
  
He let out a sigh. She had an opportunity to get out of this mess, and he wasn’t going to let her be dragged down by him. She hadn’t even talked to any of their other friends. She hadn’t used magic since the Battle. All because of him.  
  
She had something that he would never have ever again. A chance. A chance to get through this. A chance to redeem herself. She was dating the Chosen One’s ex and was invited back to Hogwarts and outings with the Golden Trio.  Probably the only Slytherin that had been. He was not going to let her waste away with him in this muggle hell.  He had Andy and Potter…  
  
He shot up, biting his lip. If Pansy got a letter, surely Potter had been the first on the list. And the others… Everyone was going back. Everyone but him..  
  
He leaned forward, placing his head in his hands. He was going to be alone in this muggle hell.. Alone…  
  
He took a deep breath just as a knock sounded on his door. He wiped at his face before getting up and answering it. His mother stood there in her dressing gown, holding a steaming cup of what smelt like hot chocolate.  He bit his lip as she offered it to him with a soft smile. He took it, looking down at the mug. “Where is Pansy going?” She asked him, looking him over.  He took a small sip of the drink.  
  
“Did I do it right? I followed the instructions Pansy left me.” She said, hopefully. Draco gave her a small smile. “It’s fine Mother.” He answered her, his voice flat.  
  
“What’s wrong?” She asked him, a bit concerned. He let out a sigh. “Pansy got invited to go back to Hogwarts to finish her last year.” He told her plainly.  
  
“Oh..” She said, nodding. “It’ll be alright, Draco. Just another six months. It will go by so fast and then we can go back home.” She assured him. He choked on his drink, eyes wide as he stared at her. “Six more months? But it was only six months’ probation. We only had two months left.” He all but yelled at her.  
  
She looked away. “They added more time at the Probation hearing today. They feel that your father hasn’t been reformed these last few months. The visit to my cousin reflected negatively on us and they thought a little more time might help.” She explained.  
  
“I can’t believe this. They gave us more time on our probation because of him?!” He sputtered, spilling his drink a bit in his outrage.  
  
“Draco, manners.” She frowned at the outburst. Draco shrunk back, eyeing the ground before nodding. “Yes, mother.” He told her, moving back into his room. “Draco, I am not through talking-“ She started but Draco cut her off. “I’m not feeling well right now Mother.” He told her before shutting the door in her face and locking it.  
  
He sat the mug on his desk before going back to laying on his bed. Six more months. It would be February when, or even if they let them off probation. Because his father would never change. The wizarding world would love nothing more than to keep them here, away from their home, away from family and friends. Away from everything that they had ever known. Away from everything he knew and known. He moved to the window, opening it looking out over the street.  
  
He missed his wand.. He missed his home.. His room with his books.  The peacocks out in the garden. The quidditch pitch. The warm fireplaces. He missed magic. He missed his friends… He missed the nook in his window that he would use to read for hours. He missed Hogwarts. The dampness of the Slytherin dungeons. The green and silver. It was like a piece of him was missing. A very large piece and he felt like an empty shell.  
  
He had nothing to look forward to. Everyone was going to leave him here. Barely able to keep it together. He didn’t know how he was supposed to survive this. He climbed out of his window onto the tiny balcony. He sat down, settling into the back corner. He pulled his legs to him, taking out a cigarette. After a long drag, he tilted his head back and blew out the smoke slowly, letting the tears finally fall. This was his life now..  


* * *

  
  
Pansy arrived at the pub a bit late, sitting down next to Ginny. The other leaned over kissing her cheek before taking hold of her hand underneath the table with a smile. Pansy gave her a smile but it didn’t reach her eyes. Ginny caught it, her smile wavering. “What’s wrong?” She asked her, making Harry turn. Everyone stopped talking turning their attention to her.  
  
“I got a letter today.” She told them quietly. “I’m assuming all of you got one too.” She said, looking over everyone. There was a collective yes from the group. “Draco didn’t.” She told them.  
  
Harry looked at her. “What? But why?” He asked her, getting the point she was trying to make. With everyone going back to Hogwarts, Draco would be left alone.  
  
Pansy shrugged. “I’m not sure. He’s probation is over in two months, I don’t see why they wouldn’t let him.”  
  
Harry frowned at that, trying to think of a solution. “I will handle this.” He told her, moving  out of the booth. Pansy nodded. “He’s at his house, but his parents are there.” She warned. Harry nodded.  
  
“Thank you.” She told him seriously. “Don’t worry about it.” Harry told her, making Ron drop his jaw in shock. Ginny smiled at them, moving to continue the conversation with Seamus and Dean.  


* * *

  
  
Harry walked up towards the blond’s house, looking it over from the corner. He swallowed over the lump in his throat before noticing him sitting crotched in the corner of the balcony. He smiled softly, moving up to stand a little bit from the door.  
  
“What are you doing up there?” He called to him.  
  
Draco scoffed, turning away from him. “What are you doing here Potter? Shouldn’t you be at your little group outing?” He called, his voice thick and uneven.  
  
Harry moved closer. “Pansy told me what happened.” He called back.  
  
“Of course she bloody fucking did.” He spat. “I miss when she could keep her mouth shut about everything.”  
  
“They can’t just not let you go. It’s not right. It’s insane.” He called to him. “What they are doing is not right!” He yelled, seeing the curtain flutter from one of the windows. He took a deep breath. The only thing that they could would be yell at him.  
  
“They can and they are!” Draco yelled back.  
  
“You only have two months left of probation. What point is there to leave you out of Hogwarts?” He asked, moving closer.  
  
“You wouldn’t understand.” Draco yelled back.  
  
“Make me understand!” Harry yelled, getting angry.  
  
“Leave me alone  Potter!” Draco yelled.  
  
“NO! Tell me! Make me understand, Draco, please!” He called back.  
  
“You want to know?! They gave me six more months because they thought it wasn’t long enough! They will find every and any excuse to keep us here, isolated, without magic!” He yelled.

There was no answer. After a few moments of silence, Draco turned to see if Harry was still there only to see him climbing up the trellis just like Weasley had done.  
  
“Are you insane? My parents are home.” He yelled, staring at him unbelievingly. Harry grinned, throwing himself over the railing and settling down in front of him in the small space. He gave him a smile. Draco rolled his eyes.  
  
“I’m not going to Hogwarts without you.” He told him. “I’m not going to let them get away with this.” He promised him.  
  
“Right, what are you going to do about it?” He asked, looking down at the other’s hands. They were a little less than an inch from him. He just wanted someone to hold him and tell him that it was going to be alright.  His fingers twitched a bit, getting Harry’s attention.  
  
Harry reached out hesitantly, placing his palm against Draco’s slowly lacing their fingers together. Draco bit his lip, looking at their hands. “Again, what are you going to do about it?” He asked him, looking up from their hands.  
  
“I don’t know.” Harry admitted, shrugging.  
  
“The brilliant chosen one everyone.” Draco smirked. Harry shoved him, turning red. Draco grinned, smirking wider. “They probably wouldn’t even do it if you ask them to.” He said, jokingly.  
  
Harry paused, thinking a bit. Draco frowned, staring at him. “What is that face? Are you having like a stroke or something?”  
  
Harry rolled his eyes. “I was thinking.”  
  
“Don’t hurt yourself.” Draco smirked.  
  
“I mean, I can just go and talk to Kingsley. They would have to do it if it’s an order from the Minister.” Harry said with a smile.  
  
“Wait, you’re serious about this?” He asked, surprised.  
  
“Completely serious.” He asked with determination.  
  
“Why would you?” Draco asked him, staring at their joined hands.  
  
“I’m not leaving you here.” He said, squeezing his hand. He turned the blond’s hand over, exposing his forearm. He looked over the wound, moving his fingertips of his free hand over the rough edges and the smooth lines of the tattoo. Draco’s breath caught, his eyes locked on Harry’s fingertips. After what felt like an eternity, Draco pulled his arm back hiding his mark against his chest. The movement brought Harry closer, almost into the blond’s lap as he didn’t let go out his hand. Harry stared at him for a moment, licking his bottom lip before pulling away. “I will handle this. I promise this. I wouldn’t leave you here.” He promised him, getting up and moving to the railing. He turned back to him. “Can I burrow a hoodie?” He asked him.  
  
Draco rolled his eyes but got up and moved back into this room. Harry waited on the balcony until he came back, holding a large hoodie and a worn snapback. “Thank you.” He said pulling both on. He moved over the railing before making his way down the trellis again.  
  
“You’re bloody fucking insane.” Draco called after him, hanging over the railing. Harry laughed, jumping down and hurrying off.  
  
He turned, walking backwards a bit. “Yeah, most likely.” He called back with a laugh.  


* * *

  
  
After two hours in Kingsley’s office and another hour quarrel with the Head of the Wizengamot, Harry was finally granted the letter and sent off to talk with McGonagall. If and only if she agreed with the arrangement to let Draco back to Hogwarts, Harry would then be given custody of Draco’s wand. He was not allowed to give it to the blond until they were back at Hogwarts and the blond was to be kept under the terms of his probation until September 1st.  
  
He sighed before using the fireplace in Kingsley’s office to floo to Hogwarts. Which was a weird experience in itself. He arrived in the headmistress’s office, looking at the portraits along the wall before McGonagall looked at him over the rim of her glasses. “Potter, I was told why you were here and the circumstances around why you are here. Why should I let Mr. Malfoy back in this school?” She asked him.  
  
“Why wouldn’t you let him in? You know what he did during the war! You know how he saved our lives, my life. How he helped me defeat Voldemort! He had no choice during the war! Like I did! He lied to numerous Death Eaters, to his own family. Went against everything he knew to just end the war. He did everything he could to keep his family safe during the war!” He yelled.  
  
She smiled. “Good, I was making sure that you were willing to defend this. There will be a lot of anger pointed at this decision. Are you willing to stand by him and this decision? Against anyone?” She asked him. “Because if you are not, I’m not bringing him back here where his safety is questionable.”  
  
“I will. I will stand with my decision.” He nodded. “I promise.”  
  
She hesitated for a moment before reaching out and taking a quill from her ink well. She signed a piece of parchment before drying the ink with her wand. She placed it into an envelope, sealing it before handing it over. “Give this to Kingsley.” She told him as Harry took the letter.  She produced another one that was labeled. “Give this one to Mr. Malfoy.” Harry took the letter and placed both of them inside his hoodie pocket.  
  
“Thank you Professor.” He nodded, pulling his hat down over his eyes and the hood back up. 

* * *

  
  
After another two hours of dealing with the Wizengamot, because they were one hundred percent sure that the letter was fake and refused to hand other Draco’s wand. McGonagall and Kingsley had to come down and confirmed everything before the wand was signed out into Harry’s custody.  
   
Harry placed it securely inside his hoodie with all the letters he had collected. Leaving the Ministry, Harry headed towards Diagon Alley to buy his things for school. He still had his robes and other things, he just needed books and  potion ingredients.  
  
 No one really paid attention to him, nor did they recognize him so he was able to weave in and out of the shops pretty easy. After getting school shopping for both him and Draco, he stopped by Flourish and Botts again to buy something for Hermione and then he was going to head over to the shop to buy something for Ron. He spent some time going over the books before choosing a few  for Hermione and then picked up a few for Draco to read as well from the fiction section.  
  
The wand felt heavy in his pocket along with the letters, being pressed up against his chest by the volumes of books as he carried them over to the counter. While the small witch was ringing him up, a stack of Daily Prophets caught his eye to the right of the counter. He picked it up, scanning the headline before nearly dropping it.  
  
“Unbelievable isn’t it?” The witch asked, eyeing the paper. “It’s literally just become a rumor mill with no news whatsoever anymore. I read the Quibbler.” She told him. He placed the newspaper on the counter.  
  
“So do I, but I have a friend that might get a kick out of this headline.” He told her with a smile, paying for his purchases. She smiled at him before handing over the bag and Harry hurried out. He started to get paranoid that people were starting to notice who he was and skipped out on going to the joke shop. He headed back home, dropping off his purchases and sorting through them. He placed the letters and Draco’s wand in the same place as the vials of Remus’s memories, sealing it up again.  


* * *

  
Pansy was, fortunately, the person that opened the door when Harry knocked late that night. “Are you crazy?” She asked him, pulling him inside. “His parents just went to bed, come on before they come back down.” She told him, locking up before pulling Harry inside and up the stairs.  
  
She shoved him into a room, following him and locking the door. Harry turned to look around the room, spotting Draco reading on a large frameless bed. He looked up, marking his place before getting up.  
  
“What are you doing here?” He asked him.  
  
Harry grinned, pulling out the letter from his pocket, handing it over to the blond. “I told you I would make it right.”  
  
Draco moved to him, snatching the letter from Harry’s hand and tearing it open. “You are fucking insane.” He said, reading over it before turning to Harry in complete shock. Harry grinned widely. “So I’ve been told.” He shifted a bit as Pansy bolted over the bed to look at the letter with Draco. “This is amazing.” She said, looking up at Harry.  
  
“Yeah, well there are some things that I have to tell you. I have your wand but it has to stay in my possession until we get to Hogwarts. You are to abide by the terms of your probation until September 1st. And you must have me or an Auror escort you to Kings Cross.” He finished, rubbing his eyes under this glasses from exhaustion.  
  
“You are…” Pansy started but was left speechless. Harry smiled. “It was nothing really. More irritation than anything else really.” He shrugged. Pansy gave him a smirk before kissing Draco’s cheek and moving to the door. She paused next to Harry before quickly leaning in and kissing his cheek before going to her own room.  
  
Harry looked at her in shock along with Draco. He moved closer to the blond, placing the bag on the bed. “I got your school books and tomorrow, I’ll see if Pansy can come with me to get your school stuff from your home.” He told him, unpacking the bag. “I also got you a few things at Flourish and Botts. I was there for Hermione and thought that you might like these.” He told him, rambling along nervously.  
  
Draco watched him for a bit with a smirk before moving over. He pulled Harry from the bag, making him look up at him before giving him a smile. “Thank you.”  
  
Harry chuckled. “The great Draco Malfoy actually thanking me, I might actually be insane.” He said, grinning. Draco rolled his eyes, looking over the books the other had gotten him. He picked them up, placing them on the desk. “Don’t get use to it. It’s a one time thing.” Draco said, moving back to the bed.  
  
“I.. guess..” Harry said, moving to the window.  
  
“It’s late. Stay. Plus, it would not look good for the Savior of the Wizarding World to break his neck climbing down my trellis at night.” He said, pulling the covers back and settling down again.   
  
Harry nodded, kicking his trainers off before shedding the hoodie and hat.  Draco faked being focused on his book but his eyes were almost glued on the other through his fringe. Harry undid his jeans, pulling them off before climbing into the bed and moving to the empty side. He settled down underneath the covers, taking his glasses off looking for somewhere to set them. Draco scoffed, taking them and placing them on his bedside table.  
  
“Thanks..” He said, beating his pillow before laying down and closing his eyes.  
  
After a few hours, Draco closed his book and placed it next to Harry’s glasses. That fucking bastard. He had actually gone and done it. Somehow waved his _‘I’m perfect Potter, the chosen one_ ’ card and everyone just did what they were told. Not only was his probation cut two months early, actually eight months early, but he was getting his wand back and he was going back to Hogwarts. He shook his head. Fucking Bastard…  
  
He stared at the glasses laying so innocently next to his book. They didn’t look out of place, but quite the opposite… Like they belong there..  
  
He turned back to look at Harry. He had looked so exhausted when he had arrived, almost dead on his feet. He was snuggled up to his pillow, snoring slightly as he slept. Draco leaned down, moving his fringe off his forehead and looked at his scar. How did his life get this fucked? He let the fringe fall from his fingertips before biting his lip. He reached over, removing the lipstick smudge that Pansy had left earlier. He moved closer to him, lifting his arm before snuggling close to his chest. He placed his arm down around him, burying his face into his shirt. Harry pulled him close in his sleep, burying his face into his hair with a puff of contentment.  
  
Draco smiled softly, hugging his shirt and him close, falling asleep to rhythmic beating of the other’s heart.  


* * *

  
  
Draco was woken up by ragged breathing and someone moving him. He blinked, staring at Harry unsure of what was happening. He rolled over, turning on the lamp before turning back to Harry. The other was bent over, holding his head. He was whispering, ‘no’, over and over.  
  
Draco moved over to him quickly, pulling him up gently. “What happened?” He asked. Harry was so hysterical and panicked that he didn’t answer. Draco turned his face to him, holding him there. “Harry, what happened?” He asked him, staring him in the eyes.  
  
Harry blinked. “My head hurts…” He whispered, tears spilling down his cheeks, his breathing coming in panicked bursts. Draco sat there for a moment before sighing. “Harry, it’s just a headache…” He said softly, moving his fingers up to message his temples.  
  
“A headache?” He asked, just tense and unsure.  
  
“Yeah, a headache. Probably brought on by stress or exhaustion.” Draco told him, soothing the tension away.  
  
Harry gave a watery chuckle, looking a bit embarrassed. “Just a headache..”  
  
“What more would it be?” He asked, looking him over worried.  
  
Harry cleared his throat. “Nothing..”  
  
Draco stared at him unsure for a bit before nodding. Harry slowly relaxed under the blond’s fingertips, letting out a long relieved breath. “How did you do that?”  
  
“My mother gets tension headaches.” He muttered, slowly pulling his hands away. “Get some sleep.”  He told him, moving back to turn off the light. Harry laid down, getting settled again before Draco laid down on his side away from him. Harry stared at the ceiling for a while before reaching out and pulling the other close. Draco gave a hasty protest but didn’t move from him. He glared at the other before settling down comfortably next to his side.  
  
“Sleep, prat.” He hissed at him before closing his eyes.  


* * *

  
  
Draco woke up first, moving down to the kitchen leaving Harry sleeping in his bed. He was in the middle of making Harry a cup of coffee when his mother walked in. She moved close to him. “Making breakfast?” She asked him, a bit softly.  
  
“Yes, mother. I was thinking of eating in my room.” He told her.  
  
“Why was Harry Potter yelling in our garden yesterday?” She asked him. Draco paused in pouring the coffee. “He helped me get back into Hogwarts so that I could go back with Pansy.”  
  
“Oh. That’s wonderful Draco.” She said before getting interrupted by her husband.  
  
“What is wonderful?” Lucius asked him.  
  
“Draco is going back to Hogwarts.” Narcissa told him with a smile.  
  
“Draco, my boy.” Lucius grinned. “Well done. I knew that you would do everything to redeem the Malfoy name. We need to get back into the Ministry and bribe our way back to the top. To get our home and our influence back. Who is it that you have under your thumb?” He asked him, a bit excited.  
  
He froze. Was he using Harry? He wasn’t. He hadn’t asked him to do anything. He hadn’t asked him to do anything at all. He didn’t answer his father as he mechanically continued to make the mug of coffee.  
  
“Draco. I asked a question.”  Lucius said, his voice rising.  
  
“No one Father. There is no one.” He said, stirring the coffee slowly.  
  
“Am I to believe that you got into Hogwarts and allowed us to get off probation early without any help?”  
  
“We aren’t off probation.” He said, turning to him. “Father, don’t you understand at all? We are here because people died. People died and it’s our fault.” He said, turning to him. “People died. I almost died,  my friends died. Why do think no one comes to visit?” He asked him, his mother covering her mouth in shock. “Pansy got disowned by her parents just because she refused to leave my side.” He said, feeling tears running down his cheek.  
  
“Draco, don’t cry. It’s pathetic.” Lucius told him. Draco shook his head, a hollow chuckle coming from him. “Of course Father.”  
  
“And get rid of that muggle trash before you go back to civilized society.” Lucius added.  
  
Draco didn’t answer him as he grabbed the mug and walked out and up the stairs. He moved into Pansy’s room, crawling into her bed and close to her. “Draco? Draco what’s wrong?” She asked, sitting up and pulling him close. “C-Can you give this to Harry, please?” He asked her, not able to stop the tears.  
  
“Of course, darling.” She said, kissing his forehead and taking the mug. She moved to the other’s room.  
  
She woke Harry, sitting down on the bed and holding out the mug. Harry sat up, looking at her confused. He took the mug, looking at it a moment. “Draco told him to give you that. He’s not really feeling well.”  
  
“Where is he?” He asked, taking a sip from the mug as his mobile started to ring. “Can you grab my pants?” He asked her, grabbing for his glasses and putting them on. She raised an eyebrow before getting up and picking his jeans from the floor. “What did you and Draco do last night?” She smirked. “Nothing.” He said, taking his jeans and pulling his phone from the pocket.  
  
“Er, hello?” He answered.  
  
“Harry! Thank goodness! I have been trying to get a hold of you for hours.” Hermione said with a sigh. “I almost called Malfoy’s mobile.”  
  
“Hermione, what is it?” He asked her, worried.  
  
“What you did, it’s all over the papers. It’s all everyone can talk about. It’s blown up completely.” She told him.  
  
“What do you mean, what I did?” He asked, confused.  
  
“Getting Malfoy back into Hogwarts.” She told him. “Harry, it’s kinda bad..”  
  
“Don’t. I don’t care what they are saying, I can handle it. Remember they said I was a liar and just attention seeking for like two years. I can handle this. Also, they were printing that me and Draco were having a secret love affair in yesterday’s issue.” He chuckled. “I’m going to have call you back.”  
  
“Where are you?” She asked him.  
  
“Draco’s.” He answered, saying goodbye before hanging up.  
  
“Where is he?” Harry asked getting up.  


* * *

  
 Draco moved to the bathroom, looking himself over in the mirror. He washed his face, wiping the last bits of eyeliner from his eyes. He bit his lip, taking each piercing out slowly. Each time he felt like a piece of him was dying. The life he wanted so much and yet he wanted his world back even more. Every piercing solidified this decision. After he was done, he looked at himself in the mirror, just staring at his reflection. He looked naked… He didn’t even recognize himself anymore. He was neither the Draco before or the Draco after. He shuffled around in the drawers before finding a pair of scissors. He sat them down, leaning close, staring at his long hair in the mirror. He took a deep breath before taking up the scissors and moving towards his hair.  
  
“Don’t you dare cut it.” Pansy snapped, standing in the doorway. He froze, placing the scissors down. “Why? Why shouldn’t I cut it?” He asked her, looking at her in mirror.  
  
“Because I will not let you be abused like this anymore. You are your own person.” She told him.  
  
“I don’t know who the fuck I am, Pans.” He yelled, turning around to stared at her. “I just know that I have a chance now. To do something. To redeem the Malfoy name.” He hissed crossing his arms.  
  
“Draco..” She whispered, biting her lip. “Draco.. is that you or your father talking?” She asked him.  
  
“Who gives a bloody shit?” He asked her, turning back around and taking the scissors up again. “I can’t go back to Hogwarts looking like this.”  
  
“Don’t cut it.” Harry said quietly, moving to the blond and taking the scissors from him.  
  
“Why do you care?” He asked him. “Everyone thinks I did something to you!” He said shoving him away.  
  
“I know.” He said, handing the scissors to Pansy. “I know what they are saying. And frankly, I don’t give a shit what they say. Because they are always going to say things. Be it true, lies, rumors, or cruel.” He shrugged. “It’s always been like this.”  
  
He picked up one of the piercings from the counter. He turned Draco’s head, placing it back into the hole.  
  
“What the fuck are you doing?” He frowned, trying to worm out of Harry’s grip. Harry just smirked, placing another piercing back in.  
  
“Now, are you going to let them get to you like this? Are you going to let them break you?” He asked him.  
  
“What are you talking about?” He asked, giving Pansy a frown as if to say, ‘ _a little help_.’  
  
Pansy was trying to not laugh, hiding her mouth behind her hand. “Traitor.” Draco hissed at her.  
  
“Because that’s what they want. They want you broken. Crying. They are out for blood and don’t care how they get it.” He told him. “I know that isn’t going to happen because you are too stubborn and too much of a prat to give in.” He turned Draco’s head to the other side, replacing the piercings in his other ear. “This is the time you can show them that you aren’t like your father. You are strong and you will not bow to them.”  
  
“So what you are saying is to be myself?” He asked, confused.  
  
“Kinda, but can you be less of a prat?” Harry smirked.  
  
“Fuck you, Potter.” He hissed, glaring at him. Harry gave a short laugh. Draco was silent for a moment.  
  
“Why are you helping me? I never asked for this, and you don’t owe me anything at all.” He paused. “What I did during the battle… I did for selfish reasons.” He told him. “So you don’t have to feel bad for just leaving.”  
  
Harry stopped what he was doing, taking his face in his hands. “You are not a bad person. Just a person that had bad things and bad choices put upon them. You did what you had to do. The world isn’t black and white.” He told him, looking at the last piercing, unsure of where it went.  
  
Draco smirked. “It goes in my eyebrow.” He told him, picking it up and placing it back into his brow. He turned around and moved back to his room. Harry took the scissors from Pansy, placing them back into the drawer before following Draco.  
  
Harry walked in the room, looking it over for the first time. “Not what I expected from you.” He said, taking in the simple furniture, the Zen tapestries, and clothing protruding from the drawers of his armoire.  
  
“My mother hates it, but cleaning is beneath her.” He explained to the other, falling back into bed.  
  
“You could always come stay with me?” He offered, looking away and scratching at the back of his neck.  
  
Draco raised an eyebrow. “And leave Pansy to the mercy of my parents?” He asked.  
  
“She can come too.” Harry told him quickly. “I’m pretty sure Ginny would like that.”  
  
Draco looked at him unsure. “It wouldn’t violate your probation and they shouldn’t have a problem since it’s me.” Harry added.  
  
“I think it’s a great idea.” Pansy piped up from behind Harry, making him jump.  
  
“This is not a democracy!” Draco yelled at her. “I think my father might have a stroke.” He added.  
  
“All the more reason.” Harry and Pansy muttered at the same time, making them both freeze in shock. Draco stared at them both, eyebrows raised. “That’s just freaky.” He said before laughing. “This is insane, you know that right?” He asked them. “I can’t just up and move in with Potter.”  
  
“Why not?” Pansy asked him. “Just don’t think about it. Just do it. You have to leave your parents some time Draco.”  
  
He bit his lip, looking around the room before coming back to look at them. “You are serious?” He asked again before getting up.  
  
Harry snorted a bit at the question before nodding. “Yeah, if you want to.”  
  
“No take backs.” Draco told him.  
  
“You’re stuck with me.” Harry told him.  
  
Draco moved, opening the closet and pulling out the boxes he had brought his stuff here in. “Might take a bit.”  
  
“Take all the time you need.” Harry told him.  


* * *

  
  
“ARE YOU BLOODY FUCKING INSANE??!” Ron roared at Harry, staring at the other as if he had gone insane.  
  
Harry glared at him. “It’s my life and my house and I can do anything I want to.” He told him, making Ron huff. “First Ginny, now you!” Ron yelled, turning away from him. “What were you thinking?” He asked, turning back to look at Harry.  
  
“It’s really none of your business, to be honest.” Harry told him. “You don’t have to come over, you don’t even have to look at him. But he will be living in my house for the short time before we go back to Hogwarts.”  
  
Ron huffed, seeming to still be angry but knew that he couldn’t dissuade his best friend. “Fine, mate. I’m just worried about you… and Ginny.. I don’t like this..” He muttered.  
  
Harry gave him a smile. “I know… but they are changing and Pansy isn’t a bad person.” He told him.  
  
“I guess.” Ron conceded. “But I’m not being nice to Malfoy.” He added with a frown.  
  
“Never said you had to.” Harry laughed, pulling him into a hug.  
  
“You know how this is going to look right?” Ron asked him.  
  
“I can handle it.” Harry told him. “Can’t be any worse than what they’ve said about me in the past.”  


* * *

 

Draco looked around his room, closing up the last box with the last of his things. He had no idea what to tell his mother. He had no idea what to tell anyone. Was this this the right thing? He sighed, picking up the box and placing it next to the rest at his door. He moved to Pansy’s room, to see if she was doing okay. The other had a little more to pack than himself but it was still a lot less than they were used to.  
  
“Are we doing the right thing?” He asked her, sitting on the bed.  
  
Pansy turned to him. “Just let it go. Just bloody fuck them.” She told him, placing her clothing into a box. “We are survivors. It’s what we do.” She continued. “Your parents have made their choice. It’s not ours. We are going to survive this.”  
  
Draco gave a nod, reaching up and pulling her into a tight hug. “Thank you…” He whispered, muffled against her sweater.  


* * *

  
  
It didn’t take long to move their things into Potter’s house. His mother hadn’t said anything to him, just watched him go with sad eyes. He felt horrible about leaving her alone with his father, but he couldn’t stand it anymore.  Harry had cleaned out two bedrooms next to each other for the two and helped them get moved in.  Pansy took her time unpacking, hanging her clothing up in the large closet.  
  
Draco sat on the bed, staring around him for the longest time. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He had never been on his own before. What was he supposed to do? He didn’t even know where to start… He closed his eyes tightly, trying to quell the rising panic and the strong urge to run back to his mother. His eyes snapped back open at the sound of a knock on the doorframe.  
  
He turned around to see Harry standing in the doorway, holding a steaming mug. “It’s a lot to take in, I know. I felt the same way.” He said, walking in and handing him the mug. Draco took it, cradling it in both of his hands. Harry moved to the box, starting to unpack it.  
  
“Who said you could unpack my things?” Draco asked him, raising an eyebrow as he took a sip of the tea.  
  
“I don’t see you stopping me.” He replied, smirking at him as he started to hang up the blond’s clothing.  
  
_Touche, Potter._ Draco thought as he looked back to his tea.  
  
“I have to meet Hermione and Ron for lunch, but I should be back by no later than dinner so if you want you can order a takeaway.”  Harry told him.  
  
“I will.” He nodded, letting the warmth from the tea seep into his body as he watched Harry. The other was so sure of himself. So sure but yet, Draco knew he wasn’t. Potter was possibly more fucked up than he was and somehow the other was able to pull himself together… Something that Draco had yet to learn how to do.  
   
He stared at the other for a very long moment before setting his mug down. “How do you do it?” He asked him, sitting up straight.  
  
“I put the clothes on hangers?” Harry replied, unsure as he turned to him. Draco rolled his eyes. “You are daft. I meant, this calm. How do you do it?” He asked him.  
  
Harry bit his lip, scratching at the back of his neck. He shrugged. “I… I’m just used to it. I mean, there isn’t any reason to get upset because it won’t change anything.”  
  
Draco nodded, getting up from the bed and gently knocking Harry away from the box. He continued what the other had started. “That seems reasonable.” He told him as Harry gave the blond’s back a soft smile.  
  
“Go to your little outing.” He told Harry, hanging up the rest of his things before starting on another box.  
  
“If you need anything, just text or ring me.” He told him, moving out of the room. “I will.” Draco told him. Harry turned back, walking over to him and fishing something out of his pocket. “Here.” He said, placing a wad of muggle money into his hand before leaving. Draco stared at his hand in complete shock.  


* * *

  
  
  
Being in Harry Potter’s home was weird. He had been here before, had stayed the night before but there was something different about knowing that this was his home too, now. The house was huge, even to Draco. It was more compact than he was used to, but it possibly had more rooms and space than the manor.  
  
After getting everything unpacked, Pansy and Draco took the money that Harry had given him and bought groceries. The other had nothing in his kitchen but bottles of alcohol. Which Draco poured out in the sink, Potter be damned.  
  
By the time Harry returned, Pansy and Draco were kidding around in the kitchen making dinner. Draco was in nothing but Harry’s clothing again, smoking a cigarette as he shoved Pansy out of the way with a smirk. The girl was in a cut out tshirt and shorts and glared at him. “Arse, it says to stir before you add the sauce.”  
  
“I can read.” He huffed at her around his cigarette, stirring the contents in the skillet as Pansy moved to grab the sauce. “I’m not sure what it means by saute, but I guess just let it cook? Why in Merlin’s name did you have to buy something so complicated.”  She frowned. “All because of Potter.” She muttered under her breath, making Draco whack her with the spoon he was using.

  
“He said to order takeaway, not make a meal like some housewife.” She hissed at him, tossing the package aside before whacking him back. Draco turned back to her, glaring daggers before going back to stirring. “Just put the sauce in.”  
  
Pansy mocked him before pouring the sauce into the skillet. “There, is the majesty happy?” She asked, knocking him out of the way with her hip. “No, I’m not!” He yelled at him, pushing her out of the way and stirring again.  
  
Pansy stared at him, jaw clenched tightly before letting out a long breath before jumping him.  
  
“AHHH WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Draco yelled, trying to buck her off. “Get off me you uncivilized whale!” He yelled making Harry break his composure and die laughing at the door. The two froze, staring at him with wide eyes.  
  
Pansy let go out Draco, biting her lip to keep from laughing with the other. Draco stood up straight, brushing himself off before whacking her with the spoon again. “Stir the sauce.” He demanded.  
  
“Saute means.. you turn the heat down and you let it cook for a bit.” Harry wheezed, walking into the kitchen and taking the spoon from Draco and moving to the skillet. Draco moved to check on the rest of the things and Pansy moved to set the table.  
  
“I was thinking about getting a tattoo like yours.” Harry said after a bit, covering the skillet with a lid and letting it cook. Draco looked up at him. “You want a tattoo?” He asked him.  
  
“Yeah, I thought it would be cool, plus there is already a rumor that I have one, and according to who you talk to its either on my  chest or my arse.” He grinned at the blond. Draco laughed. “That’s actually funny.” He muttered.  
  
“I really like yours.” Harry told him, making Draco look away and swallow a bit.  
  
“I can take you to my tattoo artist.” Draco told him, ignoring the look Pansy was shooting him that said _‘Oh really now?'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Suspenseful music plays eerily* DRAMA
> 
> So yeah, the next chapter is going to be pretty juicy and it will involve a very confused Chris. As many can hopefully tell, our dear mr. potter has a thing for tattoos. XD 
> 
> Also the clock is ticking down fast to September the 1st! 
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos and Please comment and let me know what you think!


	14. October 1977

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More of Remus's journal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god I don't even know when the last time I updated this story and I am so so so sorry. I have ch 15 written out, just gotta finish it up. My job is pretty demanding and I just graduated from college and I'm transferring to finish up my second degree. Things are kinda hectic and have been for a very long time. I love this story and would never abandon it. I will ch 15 up tonight or tomorrow before I go to work! I hope you guys are still with me and that you still love this story.

_October 1977_

 

_I feel so sorry for him. I really do. They are the most stubborn people I have ever met in my entire life. What had been a joke once before had evolved into a sore spot that no one dared poke at. We have been back at school for just a little under two months now and it’s exhausting. I can see it on James’ face, and it’s killing him._

_He sees her, she sees him, she smiles, he shyly smiles back and that is it. That’s all they do. They have polite conversations some of the time. They are friendly, I suppose. James is fucking miserable and not being dramatic, for once, about it either. He didn’t say anything, he was just quiet. Unusually quiet for James. Sirius is quite scared, and I for once, completely agree with him. James has been in bed for a while now. Curtains closed, covers pulled up to his chin. He isn’t pouting, his expression is just tired._

_Sirius and him got into a pretty nasty row last night, scared poor Frank out of the dorm for the night. Sirius was telling him to move on. That James would never be more than friends with Lily._

_I could have stopped that argument before it had even gotten pass that opening statement if I had just said what I knew, but Lily would have never forgiven me. One relationship was already rocky, I don’t want to go for a second one._

_Sirius and me are alright, I guess, but it’s like what happened at the end of 5th year never really got resolved. I know I spent the summer mopping around Lily’s, hiding from my friends. But Lily needed me, and I just needed a break. I then went almost half of 6th year ignoring them before Sirius and me got into a loud verbal row about it and James got involved, on Sirius’s side by the way, and it just felt like I had no one in my corner anymore. Peter was never in anyone’s corner. He was a complete neutral but even he wouldn’t stand up to both James and Sirius. So I was left without anyone. I felt so lonely and I couldn’t tell Lily about anything and…._

_And the moons got worse, and worse… I almost died about a year ago from today… I ruined most of my face and mangled my back. There were gashes that even magic couldn’t close, you could see bone. I just bled everywhere… and there was Sirius being held back by James as Madam Pomphrey hurried around, trying to get ingredients to stop the bleeding since her magic wasn’t working._

_I remember seeing Sirius’ face, all scrunched up and ugly, his eyeliner running down his face in lines. His hair was done up in a hasty bun, and he looked terrified._

_James was screaming at him, but Sirius didn’t seem to hear him. He was staring at me. I twitched my fingers, turning my head to see him more properly and he dove out of James’ arms with renewed strength. He landed next to my side, running his fingers through my hair._

_'Don’t leave me Remus… I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry Moons, please don’t leave me. I was a prat. A git, a twat, anything you want to call me. I’ll do anything.. Just please don’t leave me..'_

_I remember those whispered words as if they were spoken to me a second ago. I left the hospital wing after almost two weeks and ever since then Sirius hasn’t been the same. I just can’t put my finger on it and it’s quite vexing._

_Lily says that it’s because, quote “Black got a kick in his arse. He thought you would always be there, by his side, faithful Moony. And when he realized that he was a twat and could actually lose something for once, he got scared.”_

_I agree with her, mostly. I just don’t like this distant Sirius. I want my Pads back. I don’t even remember the last time he called me Moons or kissed me somewhere other than the cheek. It’s getting irritating._

_Back to Lily and James and not my messed up love life._

_What it boils down to is Lily thinks that she is falling in love and dislikes it wholeheartedly. James is in love and has been for years and is completely miserable about it._

_And I would just like us to go back to the way we were. I want my Pads back, I want my friends to stop being wankers to each other. I want James Bloody Potter to be James Bloody Potter again!! Is that too much to ask really??_

_Everything is falling apart… and I don’t like it at all.._

_I need to end this._

_-Remus J. Lupin_


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Come chat with me on discord about this fic! https://discord.gg/qgPUQRd  
> or just general writers chat! https://discord.gg/f2bEcVz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So sorry this took so long to get uploaded! As many of you know, I graduated college and I work nights at a theme park now, so my schedule is crazy! I hope you like this chapter! It's been a long time coming. This chapter stems from the journal entry in the last chapter and starts after ch 13.

Harry looked up from the journal, wiping at his eyes as he clicked his mobile to check the time. _3am._ He sighed laying back in bed before grabbing his wand, shoving the book in its place. He couldn't sleep. He really couldn't even eat what Draco had made for dinner. It smelled fantastic, but he just couldn't stomach it. What little he did manage to eat had come back up a few hours earlier.

He sat up quickly when he heard the floorboards outside his door creak. The door slowly opened and he brandished his wand, breath coming out in quick pants. It took a moment for the panic to subside when he realized it was Draco and he laid back down rubbing his face. The blond didn't say anything as he moved quietly into the room stopping at the bed hesitantly. He wrapped his arm around his middle before turning on his heel and hurrying back to the door.    
   
"Don't..." Harry said, sitting up slowly and placing his wand on the bedside table. 

Draco froze, turning slowly. "I couldn't sleep.."

"Makes two of us." He chuckled dryly, pulling the covers down. "I was just reading." He said, motioning to the pillow. Draco nodded. "I'll just go." 

"Don't.." Harry repeated. "I can't... even to begin to understand it or explain it but I haven't sleep as well as I did at your house and at Andromeda's..." He confessed. 

"What do you mean?"   
   
"I can't... sleep.  I haven't really been able to since that night..." He told him, pulling his knees up.    
   
"More reason I shouldn't be here." He said, turning to the door once again.   
   
"Oh, for bloody fuck's sake, Draco, stop trying to leave when I'm bloody talking to you!" Harry snapped, frowning at the other. "Get your arse over here."    
   
Draco turned on his heel frowning at him. "I was trying to be considerate. I shouldn't be here."   
   
"Says who?" He demanded.   
   
"Everyone! Everyone says it! Do you think I don't know?! Do you not think I don't see the looks and the hear the whispers?!" He snapped. "And I am the last person that should be here... Asking for help from the saviour of the wizarding world." He felt tears welling up, he took a large shaking breath to try to keep them from falling.    
   
Harry let go of his knees as he listened to his rant. "Are you serious right now?" He asked, staring at him in shock. "Do you really think that?" He asked. "I am no one special. Just Harry." He said, before looking down at his hands. Only eight short years ago he was telling Hagrid the same thing. "I could give a flying merlin's pants what anyone says."   
   
"It must be nice." Draco said.   
   
Harry stared at him. "Come here." He said softly.    
   
"I think I should just go back to my room." Draco said turning again.    
   
"Stop trying to leave me!" He shouted, getting irritated. Draco froze, his breath catching. "Everyone bloody leaves.." Harry whispered, feeling something crack.    
Draco looked at him, staring at him unsure. "You have everyone.."   
   
Harry shook his head, not sure of what he wanted to say, he just felt like his chest was closing up every time the blond moved to the door. He didn't even know what was going on, much less how to explain it to him. He felt his throat tightening, and he felt the panic come back. "I was..."   
   
Draco took a step towards him, not sure if he was alright. "H-Harry.. I think you are having a panic attack.." He whispered.   
   
Harry sat there, trying to breathe, hands shaking as Draco hurried over. Once he was in reach, Harry wrapped his arms around him, burying his face into his shirt. He pressed the side of his face against his chest listening to the other's heart beat for a bit, his breathing ragged. He felt the tears rolling down his cheeks before he even realized he was sobbing, holding the blond hostage in his meltdown. Draco looked down at him, terrified before slowly wrapping his arms around Harry. He pushed his fringe off his forehead, wiping at his tears. "Shush..." Harry clung to him as the sobs were retched out of him. He yelled himself hoarse long before his tears dried up.

He was silent listening to the beating of Draco's heart before he opened his mouth to speak. "It's like you're screaming... in a crowded room and no one can hear.." He cleared his throat a bit. "You feel ashamed, that someone could be that important.. that without them, you feel like nothing. Completely numb."    
   
Draco listened to him without interrupting, holding him still. " No one will ever understand just how... much it hurts.." He breathed. "You feel hopeless, like nothing in the world can save you.."    
   
He paused, trying to get his thoughts in order. "And when it's all over, and everything is done. Everyone is gone... you almost wish that you could have all the bad back... so that you could still have all the good.."    
   
Draco looked down at him before sighing. "It's normal..."   
   
"How is it normal? I'm the saviour of the wizarding world... First in line for return to Hogwarts, Ministry job lined up, talks of Order of Merlin for bloody hell..." He muttered.   
   
Draco pulled back to look down at him. "They are giving you an Order of Merlin?"   
   
"They were talking about it at the ministry when I went." He shrugged. "They are awarding Remus one in the coming weeks." He sighed, trying to pull away but Draco wouldn't let him. "I don't even know why I am telling you this.. You probably don't even want to be here..." He chuckled.    
   
"Harry..." He pushed his bangs back again, holding them up as he looked down at him. "It's fine... I have a feeling you have been bottling everything up. Pff Gryffindors.." He said with a smirk. 

Harry snorted. "Like you are one to talk." 

"Slytherins do not bottle, we resent, we hold grudges and we get revenge." Draco told him, his hand slowly moving up to cradle the other's head gently.    
   
Harry finally removed his arms from Draco's middle, reaching out and taking hold of Draco's wrist. He looked over the puckering flesh of the never healing wound. "You need to stop picking at it." He said, making the blond jerk it back a bit. Harry swallowed. "Sorry.." 

"No.. it's just I'm not use to it. Even Pansy, she doesn't." He trailed off. Harry nodded in understanding. "It has no power anymore. Just a bit of ink, just like this is just a scar now." Harry told him, sounding and looking exhausted.    
   
"Get to bed." Draco told him, lightly shoving his shoulder. Harry's eyes flickered to the bed behind him. "I don't know if I can sleep.." He admitted after a moment.

"Try." Draco said as he climbed onto the bed and moved to the other side. Harry laid down, rubbing at his face before pulling the covers up. He stared at the ceiling for a bit before turning over and curling up along the blond's side. "Don't think, just sleep." He told Harry as he reached up and took his glasses from him. He folded them before reaching over and placing them on the table next to Harry's wand. It didn't take him long to fall asleep with his head on Draco's chest, fists clutching his shirt in a weird reversal of how Draco slept at Andromeda's.    
   
"How can someone be that important indeed." Draco muttered, closing his eyes and falling asleep in moments just listening to Harry's breathing.   
 

* * *

 

Draco woke the next morning to something sharp stabbing him in the neck. He blinked awake only to find Harry gone and a journal stabbing him from under his pillow. He pulled it out, looking it over. It must have been what Harry had been reading, he thought as he opened it up and thumbed through the pages. He froze when he realized what it was before getting pulled in to read it.  

Harry came back in about an hour to check if the blond was still asleep and froze when he slipped into the room. Draco looked up guiltly. "It was stabbing me in the neck. " He explained, and Harry wanted to kick himself. 

"Did you read it?" He asked, looking away from him.    
   
Draco bit his lip, not wanting to answer. It seemed so stupid now. A complete invasion of privacy. 

"Did you read it?!" Harry growled, looking up at him.    
   
"I did." Draco said, closing the journal and holding it out. "Your godfather right?" He asked. "It's talking about your godfather right?" 

Harry took a deep breath through his nostrils. "What's it to you?" He moved over and snatched the book from him. 

"Well for starters, it explains a lot about third year." Draco commented offhandedly. "I never really understood why everyone was so uppity about Professor Lupin. It makes since that... They were together." 

"Can you just shut your mouth, Malfoy, about things you don't understand." Harry told him as he buried the book in the trunk at the foot of the bed. 

Draco frowned. "I was just trying to have a conversation, Potter." He said, the last name feeling weird around his tongue now. 

"Well," Harry huffed, "Sometimes people don't want to talk about certain things."

"Like your godfather and his friend being a poof?" Draco asked. 

"Like how your father is an abusive arsehole and is still not in prison." Harry shot back, locking his trunk up before glancing at Draco.

Draco felt the blood drain out of his face, staring at Harry in shock. It was there for a moment before it disappeared. "He's not abusive." He muttered.

Harry scoffed. "Yeah, right. He might not lay a hand on you physically, but there are other forms of abuse Draco." 

"I get it. Message received. No more talking about your godfather and your books." Draco said with a nod, twisting the covers in his hands nervously. "Plus, what would you know about it." He scoffed.   
   
Harry stared at him, biting his lip as he thought over what to say as Draco moved to get up. The blond was wearing his clothing again. The shirt that he left at the party and the boxers that he had stolen that day the blond had stayed over.

"I know because it happened to me." He said, getting up from the floor. Draco looked over at him, raising an eyebrow. 

"Sure." He said, unconvinced. "Fourth year doesn't count."

"I... I lived in the cupboard under the stairs until I was 11." He whispered. "When I was living with my aunt and uncle." 

Draco froze, staring at him. "Your aunt and uncle?"   
   
"Muggles. Hated magic. I was treated as hardly a human being... like a pet you didn't want but had to take care of." Harry whispered. "My room was the cupboard under the stairs until they were threatened. Hell, Ron and his family had to kidnap me right before 2nd year because they shut me in my room and put bars on my window." He gave a hollow chuckle. 

"I didn't know..." Draco said, moving to Harry's side. He sort of drifted there, not sure what to do. Harry gave him a genuine smile. "I don't like people knowing, but like I said, I'm just Harry, nothing special." He reached up and pulled Draco into a tight hug. Draco hugged him back. "You're wrong. You are special." Draco muttered into his shoulder. 

"No, I'm not." He said, squeezing him. "And you are the only one that's never treated me like I was." He with a smile on his lips. "Thank you."   
   
Draco snorted. "You are a nutter." He squeezed him back. 

The blond didn't know how long they stood there, holding onto each other like a life line when someone cleared their throat by the opened door. Draco looked up to see Pansy standing there, looking smug with a hand on her hip. He quickly let go of Harry, trying to pull away but Harry tightened his hold on him. He gave a puff of air. "I'll be down in a bit Pansy." Harry told her. She chuckled before walking off. "I'll get dressed, the Ministry will meet us there in an hour." She called. 

"Ministry?" He asked, laying his head on Harry's chest. "To get your school things from your manor." Harry told him.    
   
Draco nodded. "Why are you going back to school if you already have a job you wanted while you were there?" He asked him.   
   
"Who says I want it?" 

"You did. You were going to go into the Auror program." He said with a frown. 

"I was pushed to pick something. I just picked what sounded cool. I wanted to do it at the time, but now, I just want peace." He told him. "The only ministry job I would take would be the one that Hermione is thinking of joining. The department of International Magical Cooperation." 

"Diplomat Potter." Draco laughed.  Harry looked away, letting go of Draco finally. "Yeah."   
   
"I like Professor Potter better myself." Draco said with a smirk. Harry looked up at him. "Huh?"   
   
"Be a Professor. You are good at it." Draco said, shrugging off the comment before walking out the door. 

* * *

 

Meeting the Ministry with Pansy was kind of a wild ride. They directed all questions and conversation to Harry without once looking at her. She didn't seemed bothered by it, only gritting her teeth a little. After being asked repeatedly what was being taken and where it was, Harry frowned. "Ask her, she knows where everything is." He said, pointing to Pansy. 

The Aurors turned and looked at Pansy in her short skirt, heels and designer blouse. "Follow me." She said, leading the lot into the house before going up to Draco's room. It was small in comparison to the house with large windows over looking the garden. It had a reading nook in one of the windows near the oak four poster bed. She moved to the trunk sitting spilled over on its side and started to sift through the contents, much to the displeasure of the Aurors. 

Harry moved to help her, turning the trunk right side up and placing He the items savaged inside. Once that was done, he moved around, collecting over things like books and journals. He left the clothing there, not even bothering with it. With Pansy's help, they pretty much cleared the room of everything Draco left behind that was valuable to him. Once they were given the go ahead, they left carting the trunk back home. 

* * *

 

Draco had moved to the kitchen after a few hours of laying around to figure out something for dinner but was seriously contemplating just ordering take away. Even though Pansy had said she was fine, he knew the food had made Harry sick last night. He could hear him retching for at least an hour from his room last night. He was standing in front of the fridge door when the fireplace lit up and someone tumbled out of it. Ron stood up, dusting himself off. He looked around before freezing at Draco, who was staring at him blankly.    
   
"Harry in?" Ron asked, clearing his throat as Draco shut the fridge door. "No, him and Pansy are off." He answered, staying on the other side of the room. 

"Ah, well, erm.. tell him, I stopped by?" Ron asked, awkwardly. 

"Sure." Draco nodded, moving to the pantry. "Look, I don't like that Parkinson is dating my little sister and I don't like that you are dating my best mate. I don't think you two are good enough. I don't know what little scheme you two are trying to pull but I don't buy it. Everyone else does, but I don't." Ron frowned.    
   
The blond burst out laughing, leaning over and holding his stomach as tears came to his eyes. "Merlin, that was a good one. First off, Weasley, make sure you have all your facts straight before you threaten someone." He chuckled.    
   
Ron frowned, crossing his arms as he gripped his wand tightly in his hand. 

"Pansy is not officially dating your sister because the Weaslette doesn't want to upset you." He chuckled as Ron looked away at that. "Dating a big bad Slytherin will definitely twist  Mummie and big brother's knickers."    

"As for me and Potter, you have definitely got to stop reading so many tabloids. For your information, not like it's any of your business, I am not a poof, first off. Secondly, it doesn't really matter what you think about it, Potter doesn't need your approval for anything he does. Maybe he wouldn't be so strung out all the time if you just left him alone and stop snapping at his heels all the time. I don't even see how Granger can stand dating you." He frowned.    
   
Ron's grip had gone almost white with the strength he was clutching his wand, gritting his teeth.    
   
"Not to mention, me and Potter are just friends. Which we will only ever be." He said, not realizing he had let that slip in his bitterness and irritation.  Ron stared at him before shaking his head. "Harry and you aren't friends. He's just doing this because of pity." He told the blond as Harry walked in with a frown. "Some weird sense of wanting to save everyone. Just like my sister. He can't save everyone. Some people just need to be forgotten." He growled. "Your money can't buy friendships anymore, Malfoy."    
   
Harry frowned, moving to Draco before he could even say anything. "That's enough Ron." He told him, shielding the blond with his body. "Harry, he started it!" Ron yelped.   
   
"Bollocks! Sod off, you literally came in here and attacked me." Draco said, furious as he peered around Harry at the redhead. 

Harry turned his head to Ron who was looking at them in shock. "Oh, yes, Malfoy the victim! How rich!"    
"Ron, seriously, you said you weren't going to do this." Harry told him with a sigh.    
"I can't help it that you and Ginny are so easy to forget-" He started but was cut off by Harry.

"I know what he did! Just like I know what you did!" He snapped. "This is why Ginny doesn't want to be at home, and Hermione is always at her flat. Stop living in the bloody past!" 

Ron looked at him, unsure. "Harry... I'm just worried about you Mate..." 

"Don't be." He said turning back to Draco, looking him over. 

"How can I not? Ginny's dating a bloody Slytherin, Hermione having girl outings with bloody Slytherins, when did they get so chummy with Slytherins? It's like we are the only sane ones." Ron frowned. 

Harry frowned at him before leaning down. He grabbed hold of Draco's chin, holding it tightly as he kissed the blond's lips lightly. Ron squawked like a dying bird as Pansy gasped from the doorway. Draco wanted to pull back, feeling the frown forming on his lips before his body moved for him, kissing him back, eyes screwed up in confusion. Harry didn't pull back until he heard the sound of floo and Ron had left. 

Harry let go of him, stepping back sheepishly. "Sorry about that. I know you aren't gay, 'or a poof' but he shouldn't bother you now. He'll go home, get his arse kicked by 'mione and then come back and apologize." He turned on his heel and left to go to his room. 

Draco stood there, mouth open in shock as his body went into complete shutdown. Pansy ran over to him, staring at him with large eyes. "What just happened?" She asked him, looking back to where Harry disappeared.    
   
"I'm not sure Pans. How long have you been there?" He asked, clearing his throat. 

"Your unfortunate 'I'm not a poof' speech." She told him with a sigh. Draco groaned, laying his head on Pansy's shoulder in defeat. She rubbed his back. "So, how was it?" She asked with a smirk.   
   
"Soft. Just uncharacteristically soft." He pulled his head up. "Like he was trying to be gentle with me. His lips barely touched mine." 

"Maybe he was just trying to make a point. A bad point but it seemed like Weasley wouldn't stop for anything. Didn't you notice Harry was shielding you from him and looking you over for damage?" She asked him. He shook his head. "Walk with me. I need air."    
   
She took hold of his hand, following him out.

* * *

 

When they got back with take away, they found Harry in the kitchen, pushing around a lump of cereal around in his bowl.  Draco unloaded the boxes at the table, taking one over to him. He swapped it for the cereal bowl, placing it in the sink. Harry looked up at him questioning. Draco gave him a small smile. "Eat. Your tattoo appointment is an hour." He said, walking back over to Pansy yelling at her for stealing all of the dumplings.    
   
Harry chuckled, opening the box only to find a small message on the inside of the box.    
   
_Sorry for making you sick last night. here's some real food._

He looked down at the steamed broccoli, noodles and dumplings. All the things that would be easy on his stomach and easy to digest. He turned back to look at Draco for a moment before slowly eating his food with a small smile. 

* * *

 

Walking into the tattoo shop was a little surreal for Harry. He had seen all the tattoos on Bill, Sirius and Remus but never thought he would be the one getting one. It was even more surreal to be here with Draco in a muggle tattoo shop, looking at home.    
   
Stephanie was standing there, popping chewing gum as she looked at a magazine before noticing Draco. She grinned. "Thought you weren't ever gonna come back here." She put the magazine up. "What can I do for you?" She asked as Harry looked over the designs in the binder on the table.   
   
"My... friend wanted to get a tattoo done. He has an appointment with Chris." He told her. Stephanie smiled. "I'll get him." She said, walking off.  

Draco waited halfway in the doorway before Chris appeared with a sly smile. "Hey, you. Long time no see." He said, hugging Draco tightly before moving around him with an appreciative stare. "Looking good. Tattoo is nice." He said, running his hand over Draco's piercings before the blond gave him a smirk and moved away. "Take good care of Harry for me." He said before moving over the waiting area, fixing himself a cup of coffee. 

Chris sighed, pulling the cigarette from behind his ear before slipping it between his lips. "Of course." He muttered before moving over to Harry. The other looked up before blinking. "You were at my birthday party." He said, remembering that night.  He also didn't like the way that Chris was a little too comfortable around Draco.    
   
"What am I inking you with today?" Chris asked him, looking Harry over as the other did the same. Chris was a few inches taller, only because of his boots. They had the same black hair, Chris's was a little shaggier. They both had green eyes, though Chris was covered in piercings and tattoos, and all Harry had going for him was glasses and scars.   
   
Maybe that was the kind of guys that  _he_  liked... He thought as a wave of jealousy washed over him, clawing at the surface. He glanced at Draco who was chatting with Stephanie about something.    
   
"Come on, let's get this over with Dawson's Creek." Chris told him, looking over at Draco, staring at the blond's ass. Harry grit his teeth before shoving off the counter. "Put your eyes back in their sockets prick." He growled, walking into the back. Chris blinked, turning back to look at Harry a bit shocked.  

Chris followed him back, he motioned to the chair before getting on his gloves and setting up his station. "So, what I am inking?" He asked again as he placed a cassette into the boombox and a song  from Rage against the machine started playing.

Harry shrugged. "I'm not really sure." He said, thinking it over.

"Jesus kid." He chuckled. "I can't ink you if you don't know what you want." He turned to look at Harry. "I'm only doing this as a favor to that feisty blond out there. Just like singing at your party." 

Harry frowned, staring up at him. "I know what I want." He told him.    
"Good. Let's get started." He said, pulling out a pen to sketch. 

* * *

 

"Stop fucking moving. You're making my lines crooked." Chris reprimanded around his unlit cigarette as Harry hissed in pain, squirming. "Stop being such a pussy, take it like a man. We are almost finished."    
   
Harry clutched his left fist as Chris held down his arm as he pressed in the color and the final touches. "You know... He doesn't like me like that." Chris told him as he worked.    
   
"Of course not, he's not gay." Harry breathed out, clutching the chair with his other hand.  

Chris laughed. "That boy is gayer than a two-dollar bill."

"I don't follow." Harry said, whincing.

"Dude, ask him the fuck out. He's already turned me down once before, but I can always try again." He said, making Harry jerk. Chris leaned his body onto Harry's arm. "Stay the fuck still. I have a reputation to maintain." He grunted, finishing up before wiping him clean.    
   
"Draco! Come look at your boy." Chris yelled out, wheeling away to clean up. Draco walked in and chuckled at Harry's strained face. "You look like hell." He smirked. He walked over to the other. "What did you end up getting?" 

Harry gave him a smile, flexing his arm. Draco looked down and froze. On Harry's left arm, a silver and green scaled serpent curled around the Sword of Gryffindor. The rubies sparkled along with the name Godric Gryffindor on the blade. The serpent's tongue kissing the blade with its head leaning against the hilt. 

Draco looked over the tattoo with wide eyes, not believing what he was seeing. "It's not my best work, he kept moving. Unlike you." Chris told him.    
   
"Why?" Draco asked Harry, swallowing hard. Harry gave him a small smile. "I'm pretty sure you can get the symbolism." Harry told him with a smirk he didn't feel. 

Draco leaned over, running his fingertips over the tattoo gently. Harry winced. Draco chuckled. "Of all the things that's happened, Harry Potter can't even take a needle."  

"Yeah, funny how life can be sometimes." Harry nodded, getting up just to be pushed back down into the seat by Chris. "Sit down lover boy. I have to wrap your arm." 

Harry waited patiently before Chris left them alone to ring up Harry. Draco looked over the tattoo again, staring at it transfixed. "Why did you do this?" He asked, motioning to his arm. Harry shrugged his shoulders.    
   
"No, Harry. School is in a week. You have a serpent on your left arm. Harry, your left arm." Draco said, worried. "What are people going to think?" 

Harry frowned. "It's not like I have the dark mark on my arm. I have a serpent, the symbol of Slytherin House wrapped around the Sword of Gryffindor, which symbolizes the Gryffindor House."    
   
"That's not what they are going to think." Draco told him.    
   
"Draco, I don't care what they say." Harry replied. Draco groaned, dropping his head onto Harry's chest. "Bloody fuck, you stubborn twat." He shoved at his shoulders. "Do you not have a self-preservating bone in your whole body?"   
   
Harry chuckled. "I guess not."   
   
"This is going to be ten times harder for you. For me." He told him, shaking his head. "Why couldn't you get something nice, like flowers?"   
   
"Like you did?" Harry asked. "I'm not trying to cover something up. I am proudly making a statement."   
   
"That you have lost your bloody mind, that's what." Draco said, pulling away and crossing his arms. "I'm going to get blamed for this. Granger and Weasley, oh Weasley will be beside himself." Draco ranted as the other watched him. 

Harry sighed, scratching at the back of his head. "I can glamour it, if it makes you feel better." This was not the reaction that he had really been hoping for in the end. He just couldn't get over Chris's smug look and the way he looked at Draco. He wasn't jealous. He wasn't. He just had the strong urge to bash Chris's face in. He hadn't really been thinking when he had the other design it, just wanting a little piece of ownership over the other. Just a tiny inside detail that they only knew. Of course everyone would blow it out of proportion if anyone found out.  He was stupid not to think of that. He grabbed his flannel from the chair, pulling it on. 

"Let's go home." He told him as he walked out to the lobby to pay Chris. Draco followed with a slight frown. 

When they got home, Harry disappeared into his room and never came back out. Draco didn't attempt to go after him.   
 

* * *

  
"So what did you get?" Pansy asked Harry the next morning as they ate cereal. Draco froze coffee pot halfway to his mug. Harry was sitting there in a long sleeve quidditch shirt, flannel pj pants and nothing else.  

"I got a snitch. On my ass." He told him as Draco poured the liquid into the mug. 

"How original." She rolled her eyes before looking at her mobile. "Ginny should be over in a bit. I should get dressed." She told them. "Yeah, I should get dressed too, going to see Andromeda." Draco said, hurrying out of the kitchen and disappearing up the stairs.    
   
Pansy's narrowed her eyes at Harry. "What did you do?" 

Harry looked over at her. "Nothing."    
   
"You did something Potter." Pansy eyed him suspiciously. 

Harry pushed his cereal around in his bowl for a moment. "What can you tell me about Chris?" 

Pansy blinked, not expecting that one. "A lot of things. Why?"   
"Just wondering. The guy was at my party." Harry shrugged.   
   
"Just wondering huh?" She asked, unconvinced.    
"Okay, the total knobhead makes me want to bash his pretty little face in. Happy?" Harry sighed, rubbing his face. "I think I crossed a line, and I think you are the only one that I could possibly talk to about it without any lectures, or really any bias opinion at all which is really weird." He frowned, looking at her.    
   
"Oh, I will have a bias opinion, depending on what it is. Just fair warning." Pansy smirked.    
   
Harry gave one last sigh and pulled up his sleeve, exposing his forearm. Pansy choked on her coffee, coughing loudly before finally able to breath properly. "Have you lost what bloody sense you have left Potter?!"  She hissed at him.    
   
Harry rolled his eyes. "It's a symbol of Slytherin and Gryffindor! Am I the only one getting this?!" He grumbled.    
   
Pansy looked him over and sighed. "No, but it still is a serpent on your arm. Some people, er Most people, aren't going to absorb that fact." She looked over the tattoo. "Let me guess, Draco freaked out."    
   
"Yes, called me a stubborn twat. That I didn't have a self preservating bone in my body.  Said that everyone would blame him." Harry shrugged.    
   
Pansy nodded. "Well he's not wrong."    
   
Harry sighed. "I fucked up didn't I?"   
   
Pansy looked him over. "What part? Because you been acting like a complete nutter these last few days. Kissing Draco, getting this tattoo, moving us in here..." 

"I'm not sure what I am doing? I'm not sure what I am feeling or what I am doing. I just get so overwhelmed when... when he's not there... The way Chris was looking at him..."   
   
Pansy smirked. "Going back to Hogwarts will be like feeding Draco to shark infested waters. You can't be a Gryffindor going into this. You have to come at this with a Slytherin mindset."    
   
"I'm not sure I can."   
   
"Then stop jerking Draco around, and he is not going back to Hogwarts." Pansy frowned, sitting back and crossing her arms. "What if someone does something? What if someone hurts Draco? Curses him. Wants to take their pound of flesh?" 

Harry grit his teeth. "I will protect him. How can I do this Pansy?"   
   
"Own that shit. Draco is all about burying himself and everything in the sand. So own that shit. Proudly display your brand. Don't hesitate. Slytherins are cunning, proud and ambitious." She told him. Harry nodded. 

"Own that shit." He repeated, biting his lip as he looked down at his tattoo. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter time skip to boarding the hogwarts express!!! I'm really excited to write about that and Harry's furthering jealous and feelings for our resident Malfoy!
> 
> The line that starts with 'its like your screaming' comes from the opening of Rihanna's We found Love. I just couldn't stop thinking about it and well it fits!!
> 
> Please leave comments and tell me what you liked! I love feedback!
> 
> As Always, the playlist to this fic is on spotify titled ' Suppose to Die- a Drarry fanfic' by 'skylarhaven'
> 
> Come yell at me on instagram : @havenskyward13


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry it's taking me this long to get a new chapter out! My job just went into off season and I have a week before school starts, so I'm trying to get everything updated during this week I have off! I still in complete love with this story. I really am. 
> 
> I am looking for an rp partner for a variety of fandoms, so hmu if you are interested!! 
> 
> Your music for this chapter is 'Light a Fire' by Rachel Taylor, 'I'll be Good' by Jaymes Young and 'Scars' by Boy Epic. All and some new songs can be found on the spotify playlist.
> 
> Also, Come chat with me on discord about this fic! https://discord.gg/qgPUQRd  
> or just general writers chat! https://discord.gg/f2bEcVz

"You know I was almost a Slytherin." Harry said conversationally as he and Draco packed the blond's trunk. The week before school had gone fast without much incident. He did get a lecture from Hermione about the stunt he pulled with Ron. Which he apologized to the redhead for, but Ron was being a twat and Hermione at least agreed with him on that.

Draco looked up, dropping the textbook into the trunk. "You're taking the piss."

 Harry laughed. "No, the hat really wanted me to be in Slytherin. I asked it to put me in Gryffindor." Harry paused. "Actually it was more along the lines of anything but Slytherin, but still."   
  
"Because of Weasley and Granger." Draco nodded.

"No, because of you. I actually wasn't friends with Hermione then." He said with a smile. Draco looked up, raising an eyebrow. "Why me?"

"Because of the way you acted at Madam Maulkins when we first met at Diagon Alley."

Draco frowned, knitting his eyebrows together before his mouth turned into a wide O. Harry chuckled again, placing the rest of textbooks and  other things inside before closing the lid and locking it. "Are you ready?" Harry asked him, looking up from the trunk.

"No, but it's alright. I've faced worst." Draco said, his head held up high. Harry looked him over, biting his lip. The plan that he and Pansy had made was rolling around in his head. He was to take any and all spotlight off of Draco, to make it easier for the other. Then he was going to, as Pansy put it, 'own that shit.' 

He might not understand his feelings for the other, but he wasn't going to let anyone cross him when it came to the blond. He might not be able to say Draco was his, but in his mind he had already claimed the other. Merlin help the poor sod that tried to fuck with what was his.

"Are you sure you are alright with this?" Harry asked him. Draco nodded. "It's fine, Harry.. I knew this was coming.." He sighed.

 Harry nodded, standing up and pulling the other into a tight hug. "You will have me and Pansy by your side."

 Draco smiled, hugging him back tightly. "I know…" He buried his face into the fabric of Harry's shirt for a moment. "Thank you." He whispered before pulling back nervously. Ever since that kiss, Draco hadn't known how to act around the other.    
  
"You won't have magic until we get to Hogwarts, and you are still on probation until October." Harry reminded him. Draco nodded. "You have my wand, right?" He asked, a little worried.

"Yes, I have your wand with mine. Nothing is going to happen to it." Harry assured him before  lugging the trunk out of the room to line it up with his own and Pansy's.

"Pansy, are you ready?" Harry called out.

 Draco snorted. "That's a million galleon question." He muttered. Pansy glared at him as she placed her jacket on. "Come on, we are going to miss the train."  


* * *

 

Kings Cross had not changed in the few months since Harry last saw it. It wasn't even crowded or bad, that was until they got to the Platform. It was like everything stopped and reverted to slow motion. Everyone turned to look at the late comers before gawking at them. Harry in his usual muggle clothing, standing there with Pansy on one side in her designer shades and clothing. The shocker for most was Draco, who was on Harry's other side, in his piercings, two toned hair and grunge muggle clothing.

 The blond sneered at them in perfect Malfoy fashion as he pulled his pack out of his pocket, placing a cigarette between his lips. Harry rolled his eyes as Pansy smirked, crossing her arms and examining her nails. She glanced over at Harry, giving him a small nod.

 Well better start while he had everyone's attention. He chuckled as he pulled his jacket off, dropping it over his trunk and stretching his arms up over his head. He flexed his forearm out, showing off the healed tattoo and the two wands tucked inside his waistband as his shirt lifted.

 Whispers started going around as he reached up and pulled the cigarette from the blond's mouth.

 "Oy!" Draco protested, lighter out and already in position. Harry smiled at him as he placed it in his own mouth, leaning in for Draco to light it. The blond smirked, shaking his head as leaned in cupping his hand around the flame as Harry puffed a bit and pulled away.

Draco rolled his eyes, turning away from him before shedding his own jacket, placing it on top of Harry's.  He turned to Pansy, giving her a pointed look before glancing back at Harry with all the subtleness of a bull in a china shop.

They were soon joined by Ginny, Hermione and a very begrudgingly Ron. "Harry must you smoke those?" Hermione asked with a frown, waving away smoke from in front of her face.

Draco chuckled as Harry took a long drag blowing out smoke leisurely before holding out the cigarette for the blond to take. Draco took it, pinching it between his index finger and thumb. "Harry smokes like an arse anyways." He smirked at the other as Pansy chuckled, and they split off a bit by themselves.

Ginny watched them go with a chuckle, biting her lip before turning back to Harry. "First of all, where the hell did you get this?" She said, holding up his arm and inexplicably showing everyone it in all it's glory right side up this time.   
  
"A week ago, I think." He ran his fingers over it lovingly.  Ginny smiled at him. "Love it." She dropped his arm before Hermione shook her head. "Can't believe you went through with it."

Ron looked them over before rolling his eyes. "I'll be in our compartment." He told Hermione before stalking off.  The whispering that had been only a faint buzz, got louder with Ron's departure.

Harry sighed, looking over the packed platform. He met worried and pitiful eyes and he immediately dropped his graze. Maybe he was the one that wasn’t ready for this. He had been so worried about Draco that he hadn't even given a thought to his own self and how he would feel about being back, back in Hogwarts. Back with people.

He felt Hermione's worrying eyes on him as he felt panic bubbling up in his chest and he quickly scanned for where Draco had gone. The other was standing a few feet away, talking with Pansy and smoking away. His body felt heavy and he felt paralyzed to do anything about it.

"Harry? Are you okay?" Ginny asked, worried before looking for Draco. The blond looked up and frowned, passing off the cigarette up to Pansy, who held it out from her by the tips of her fingers with a frown.

Draco hurried over, looking Harry over before placing his hands on either side of his face. "Hey…" He whispered softly, getting Harry to focus on him. "You will be just fine…" He told him, rubbing soothing circles with his thumbs. Harry stared at him before letting out a shaky breath and wrapped his arms around him tightly. Draco chuckled, running his fingers through Harry's hair gently as he held him back. The blond turned to Hermione and Ginny with a soft smile.   
  
"It's just a panic attack." He told them softly. "He's been getting them for the last week." He explained. "It gets better when he knows where I am.." Draco sighed, looking down at the other in his arms, biting his lip. This was not the show he had meant to give the entire school but it really did seem like Harry's panics had been worse when the dark haired  man didn't know where he was.  Just like that time when he had his first one in the bedroom that night.

After a while, Harry lifted his head. The blond pushed his fringe back to look at his face properly, showing off the ever present scar that grew gasps from their onlookers and a few sounds of outrage.

"Better?" Draco asked him with a soft smile.

"Yeah, just people." He joked. The other looked at him suspiciously. "I'm fine, Draco. I swear."

"Arse." Draco scoffed after a moment before letting go of his fringe and letting the other go.  Draco rolled his eyes as he moved back to Pansy, who more than happily gave him his cigarette back.

Ginny raised and eyebrow as Harry looked away sheepishly, scratching at the back of his neck as he shuffled his feet. Oh, she _knew_ those actions. "You, now." She said before pulling him to the train.

"Ginny, what the bloody-" He protested, tripping over his feet before giving up and following her.

Draco watched him go, feeling a bit of panic rise in himself. He took a breath before ditching his cigarette and grabbing their trunks, making his way to the train, jackets under his arm.

 

* * *

 

"What the bloody fuck Ginny?" Harry asked after she had locked the compartment door and pulled the blind.

 "You like Draco." She stated. Harry raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, so?"

 "No, you like him like him."

 "What are we, in second year again?" He chuckled. She frowned. "Draco's right, you are an arse."

 "Look, yeah, I do like him." Harry confessed, flopping down onto the seat behind him with a sigh.  
  
"But.."

 "But nothing, Ginny. He doesn’t like me like that. He can barely stand me. Every time we talk he always wants to walk away. Even when I kissed him, he was trying to pull away. It's like every time he doesn't want to be near me." He sighed, rubbing his eyes underneath his glasses. "It's just better if we are just a semblance of friends."

"Harry, maybe he's just-" She started before Harry gave her a frown, growling in frustration. "Leave it alone. I don't meddle with you and Pansy. Don't meddle with me and Draco." He said pointedly. "I know that's what you and Hermione have been doing."   
  
Ginny pulled back, biting her lip. "I'm sorry. We just want you happy Harry."  
  
Harry chuckled. "I will get there, I promise. It's just going to take some time."

 

* * *

 

Draco moved down the train hallway, looking into windows to try to find where Harry had gone. Every time he only was met with the nastiest looks. He adverted his eyes, taking a shaky breath each time before continuing on. He had gotten halfway down the train when he was hit with a spell, knocking him off his feet. He fell hard, letting out a loud groan as the wind was knocked from him. He shook the disorientation off, lifting his head to see some Gryffindor (he was already in robes) standing over him, wand raised high.

 He closed his eyes, laying there on the floor breathing slowly. The Gryffindor growled at him. "How can you come back here? Acting like nothing happened? With him?!" He asked as Draco felt what was the equivalent of a kick to his ribs. Draco bit his lip hard to keep from making a sound as he lay there. There wasn't much he could do. If he fought back, he would be arrested. Not even Harry would be able to get him out of that. He was wandless, so he couldn't defend himself. Even if he defended himself the muggle way, he was not match to someone with a wand.   
  
"Not even going to fight back?" The guy growled, slinging another spell at the blond that had Draco curling up. "You shouldn't have come back Malfoy." He hissed before walking away, muttering about how he wasn't worth it.

 Draco laid there, breathing hard before slowly pulling himself up. He moved  gently to the bathroom to wash his bleeding nose before going back to find Harry.

 He found him with Hermione and Ron, laughing and chatting about random things they were going to do when they to Hogwarts and what they had missed about the Castle. Unsurprisingly, Ron had missed the food. Hermione had missed the library and surprisingly the  common room in Gryffindor Tower. Harry didn't really have much to say on the subject, but he was excited to play Quidditch without his life being in peril during the games.

 The blond sat down carefully in the open seat next to the window and closed his eyes. Been on the train for all of fifteen minutes and it was already starting. Must be a new record, he joked. Harry grew silent as his attention shifted to Draco, raising an eyebrow in concern. Draco shook his head before curling up in his corner and tried to rest. Maybe some sleep would ease some of the pain in his ribs, also he wouldn't be intruding on their little gang.

 Harry looked him over uncertain before looking back at Hermione and Ron. Hermione went to  say something but the compartment door slid open and Luna floated in. There seemed to be a line of people peeping and waiting outside the compartment and whispers poured in.  
  
"What is going on out there?" Hermione asked her, blinking a bit as she got up and gave her a hug.

 "Move it, you birds!" Dean muttered, shoving through the crowd with Seamus and shutting the door behind them. The compartment was starting to get cramped now. "Just Harry's fan club outside and also it's pretty much open season on Malfoy." Seamus explained.

 "Someone let it out that Draco couldn't use Magic and everyone is plotting." Dean continued, crossing his arms. Harry's face darkened, his lips turning down in a long frown. "Let them bloody fucking try." He spat.

 Seamus raised his hands in surrender. "Don’t shoot the messenger, mate!"

 Dean chuckled. "Hey, you saved my boyfriend, I thought I would return the favor." He told Harry, who flushed. "Draco isn't my boyfriend."

 Dean rolled his eyes before Luna turned to Hermione and the conversation moved onto the Quibbler and how it had been doing. The three new guests ended up sitting in the floor of the compartment and was joined by Neville, Ginny and Pansy not long after. Draco had actually drifted off to sleep after a bit and Harry gently woke him right before they got to Hogsmeade to change. Everyone had left to give them some privacy and Harry had closed the blind.

 "How was your nap?" Harry asked him, pulling his uniform and robes from his trunk and pulling his shirt off.

 Draco was momentarily distracted by this and took a bit to answer. "It was good." He replied trying to get his shirt off without raising his arms but ended up wincing in pain anyways.

 Harry was at his side in an instant. "What happened?" He asked as Draco threw his shirt to the side. "It's nothing." He told him as Harry took in the darkening bruise on his ribs and stomach.

 "Who did it?" He said through clenched teeth.   
  
"It's nothing, Harry." He told him pointedly.

 "Draco, I swear to Merlin-"

 "Some Gryffindor. Probably fifth year or higher. " He told him, shrugging as he pulled his uniform shirt on. "It's nothing."

 Harry frowned, taking out his own wand. He pulled Draco's shirt back and healed his aching ribs and stomach. The bruising slowly disappeared and the blond breathed out a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

 "Tell me next time." He said sternly as he got dressed. Draco nodded.

 

* * *

 

There was more whispering when they got off of the train at Hogsmeade station, not to mention Harry was practically bum rushed by the gaggle of girls that had been waiting, or more like stalking, outside his train compartment. They were all fawning over him and Harry was trying to be nice but just wanted to be left alone. Draco could see the irritation slowly rise on Harry's face before he moved in, parted the fan club like the red sea, and pulled Harry into the next available carriage. The dark haired man didn't miss the nasty looks the girls gave Draco as they took off.

 "Thank you." Harry said appreciatively.

 "Why don't you just tell them to sod off?" Draco asked him.

 Harry just shrugged and the conversion just died between them and they rode in silence the rest of the way.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Harry was the first one out of the carriage, wearing his Gryffindor robes and looking sharp for once. He turned and helped Draco out of the carriage, who had donned his Slytherin robes proudly. The blond took his hand as he stepped down, his eyes cast to the ground to avoid everyone's looks.

 "You don’t have to do this, you know?" Draco told him, biting his lip and playing with his piercing.

 "I know." Harry said, giving him a small smile.

 "Seriously, you don't have to save me or whatever your crazy Gryffindor hero complex is telling you to do." Draco sighed heavily. "I'm going to drag you down. I was on the train for not even fifteen minutes and it started. People hate me, Harry. And you can't protect me nor can you change their minds."  
  
"I change my friends minds…" Harry told him. "And I can protect you. I know I wasn't there this time but I will be."

 Draco shook his head. "I knew what it meant coming back, and I thank you so much for it. This is mine to bare alone."   
  
Harry frowned. "You've been at the bottom only surviving. You decide who you are now, no one else." He said sternly, taking Draco's face in his hand. "I'm with you through everything. It doesn't matter to me. I'm tired. I'm so tired. And summer isn't going to stop just because school started. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." He paused, placing his forehead against the blond's.   
  
"Keep your bright eyes looking up to the sky now. Chin up, be proud. Walk strong like a soldier onto the Battleground. Breathe in, breathe out. Don't give up, Don't quiver, You're enough.

You will be just fine.." Harry whispered. Draco took a deep breath and nodded.

"Last time to back out, Potter." Draco chuckled.

"You wish." Harry smirked, pulling back and taking his hand before leading him up to the castle doors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was not the original ending I had for this. I had it ended after the sorting, but this felt like a better place to stop.
> 
> I've added new songs on the spotify playlist. - 'Suppose to Die- a Drarry Fanfic' by skylarhaven
> 
> Come chat with me on discord about this fic! https://discord.gg/qgPUQRd  
> or just general writers chat! https://discord.gg/f2bEcVz
> 
> Also come scream at me on insta @havenskyward13


End file.
